I was having a really hard time falling asleep last night, just like I had the night before. I was starting to get annoyed as I laid there because I knew I needed sleep. It was almost 1 am and I was just starting to get drowsy and drift off when I heard crying from upstairs. Meritt was awake. Up I went. By the time I got upstairs she was hysterical, jumping up and down, and screaming something about "stuck" ... "stuck". I am still not sure what was "stuck", but I promptly got her the heck out of that room before she woke her sister up, and we had a full blown situation on our hands.
So, I brought her downstairs. The plan was to rock her in my chair. There were pillows, books, magazines, and stuff in the chair. Didn't have the energy to remove it, so I laid her in bed next to me, and laid down beside her. She laid really still, and really quiet. I stroked her face and hair. She smelled good. I love that she still has moments of smelling like a baby. I started to get drowsy again... I laid my hand on her chest, and closed my eyes. A few moments later I felt a little hand, soft, and gentle caress my arm. It's these little things that make my life. That little girl stroking my arm, said "I love you Mama". I thought in that moment this is what it's all about.
I woke up a few hours later, Matt and Meritt were gone. He must have had his own moment while I was asleep. By morning I was still so tired, from being up and down so much all night. When I woke up it was LATE (well late for me) it was a little past 9. What? Who let me sleep this late? Matt was already up and out to work. Bella had gotten her self up, put PBS kids on TV, made a nest on the living room floor, and even fed herself breakfast. What a sweet girl. She said, you looked sleepy Mama, I wanted to let you sleep. Be still my heart. How sweet and selfless of her. She even let Emma out to potty. I roamed into the kitchen, and what to my eyes did I see? Matt made me a pot of coffee and it was hot and waiting for me. It's amazing how these little things make you feel so loved isn't it?!! I have the best family in the whole world! The little things mean the most!
When Meritt was about six months old I realized I was doing a terrible job of documenting her baby-hood. I just didn't have the time to pull out the baby book and write down all the little details like I did when Bella was a baby. I had this flash of her asking me why she didn't have a baby book someday, and I thought to myself... there must be a way to document what's happening in our lives in a more interesting way than pen and paper. At the same time I was trying to keep all the family and friends that live far connected to our lives, so that they could watch the girls grow up from a distance. I know that it's really hard on Matt's family especially to be so far away from us (and us from them). So, I started my blog.
Blogging has opened up something for me that I forgot about in the hustle and bustle of life. My love of writing. Since I was small I had always kept a journal, it has always been an outlet for me to put pen to paper and write down my feelings and thoughts. Somewhere between the responsibilities of life and busyness. I forgot how simple and satisfying putting your thoughts into words can be. I love that someday my girls will be able to go back and read my words, my thoughts... all the little funny things that happened in their life at certain points in time. So, in starting this blog for my girls and for family... I have really opened up many things for myself that I didn't even know I needed. Someday when my girls are grown, not only can they look back, but so can I.
Today I will be happy. Despite my lack of sleep. Yes, still having problems with Miss Meritt. Matt drove 45 minutes yesterday to locate a crib tent. Turns out a crib tent is exactly what we needed to keep our little monkey in her bed. So, things are looking up on that front. Even though I wasn't dealing with a roaming two year old in the middle of the night last night, I was dealing with something else. I have started a new medication for my Fybromyalgia which seems to be working amazingly for my pain, which is an amazing blessing. However, it isn't helping in my sleep department. The side effects are harsh. The worse of these, the night sweats. Yuck. I hate it! I wake up every night sometimes a few times drenched and cold. Shivering like it's February, and I'm sleeping outside. I am hoping the side effects will lessen with time, because this is no fun. The rest of life is good, great even. It's just amazing how much sleep effects you. Especially with patience when dealing with your children. Today I pray for patience and kindness to fill my soul, and peaceful sleep tonight!
(maybe the bird has the right idea, the key to happiness... FRENCH FRIES!)
We have no big plans for summer. No trips planned, no preconceived ideas of what the summer will hold, and it feels so good! I can't think back to a summer that wasn't jam packed with have-to's and plans. As far back as I can think there has been something; weddings, store happenings, babies, projects, remodels, and general over committing.
Not this summer. I have been practicing a word it's the word "NO". Of course as kindly as possible!:) And, again it feels so good! I am enjoying the little things. I am enjoying days at home. Being outside. My Girls. Family. Going where the day leads.
There are a few things I would like to do this summer before it's over, (and it's flying by isn't it?!) I would like to... Go to Wings of Wonder in Independence Go to the Wild Life Safari Ride the paddle boats at Waverly Park Have picnics at the park Throw a baby shower for Kelli and new baby Annibell on the way Garden Take Walks Play at the park Go see at least one concert at the park Visit the Mt. Hood Area Take a beach trip Take the girls to ride a horse Swimming lessons Eat Ice cream Eat Outside A LOT Visit the farm stand weekly Have play dates with friends - kid friends and grown up friends eat lots of fresh local produce Get good family photos taken Read books & visit the library often Cool Pool Time
So, it sounds like there is a few things to do this summer after all! But, at least they all sound like fun! (there may be a few to-do's I didn't mention that won't be quite as fun...) (but, we don't need to talk about those!)
As I said in yesterday's post, Meritt has discovered how to climb out of her crib. So, we are faced with a bit of a dilemma... and the dilemma is what do we do now? There is no way she would stay in a real bed either, although that would be the logical next step. Last night was a rough night at our house. Two and a half hours of Meritt jumping ship to then be brought back, to then repeat the process all over again. We've tried yelling, a swat, & time-outs; fear tactics seem to have no impact what so ever. Honestly I think all she wanted was to cuddle. She wanted mama. Which made me sad, and still leaves me feeling a bit like a failure the morning after. I felt like if I gave in and cuddled and loved on her that I would be giving in to her behavior. I don't want to make this stage any harder than it needs to be by doing the wrong thing. My question today is... what is the right discipline in this situation? The even bigger question is how do you effectively discipline a two year old?
Meritt is so different than Bella was at this age, I almost feel like I'm starting the learning process all over again. Bella was a scardy cat. Meritt a dare devil. Bella was a drama queen, much more emotionally trying. She was and is stubborn, and wants to be in control. Meritt, on the other hand doesn't seem to be as emotionally trying, she is physically trying. She also tugs on my heart strings, because she just wants to love you. She wants cuddles, and rocking, and singing to. She has always gone to bed like a dream, she hasn't always stayed that way, but she has always gone to bed easily. (for the most part)
I just don't know what to do. I am tired. I know this too shall pass and it won't last forever. I just want so badly to find the balance between breaking her spirit and babying her. Because although she is still my baby... she isn't really a baby anymore, it's time for her to learn how to be a big kid. That's our job, to make independent kids who turn into independent people.
It's Monday again... I made it! Made it through Crazy Days at the shop. It's just what it sounds like.... CRAZY. We have a really great group of girls that work with us. Kind husbands that help haul all the stuff back inside at the end of the day. We have found an awesome babysitter that handles 10-12 hour days with the girls just fine, and after 9 years in business we (almost) have a system to our madness! Just wanted to say thanks to my mom for pulling more than her weight, I know it's not always easy. It's a job that goes without a lot of thanks, but I am thankful for all you do!
This weekend Meritt also discovered how to climb out of the crib....... oh no. That was the only safe place I had left. Any advise out there on how to keep her contained would be really appreciated!
Today, I hope to get caught up. Cleaning, errands, hopefully some food shopping, and my biggest hope of all is that I can take a nap when Meritt does (if she stays in bed).
The other day some one said to me... so how are you liking being a "stay at home mom?"
For a brief moment I felt offended. I felt like my value as a person was being questioned. I went home that night and pondered the conversation a bit, and reflected on my feelings. Although, I'm not a "stay at home mom", I have a bit of an unusual situation, being a working mom who's taking more time at home. I decided there is no reason to feel like I need to explain all of that, because even if being at home was my only job... in my heart I know, it is my very most important job.
In the last six months I have had the joy of rekindling my relationship with two of the most important little girls in the whole wide world. I feel blessed, honored, lucky, and absolutely thankful for this time. I have gotten to slow down. Enjoy. Reflect. Soul search. This is what I know... I have never in my life been happier, or more at peace. I am exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I should be doing. I am in love, with my girls, and my husband, and someday I know I will look back at this time in my life as some of the most precious. Every day isn't perfect. Keeping up with a two year old and a six year old is at times exhausting and challenging, and more than I can keep up with. It's brief. For every one bad thing, or frustrating thing, there are a thousand good, wonderful, and amazing things I get to experience every day. I am truly blessed!
I really can't remember a better forth of July... Good food, good company, good day! (the fireworks we saw were a little lame, but that's another story for another day) I hope you all had an equally lovely 4th, spent doing favorite things with favorite people!
There is something about hearing the national anthem played on this day (or any day really) that always brings tears to my eyes. The massive bangs of the fireworks exploding in the air, the whole feeling of this day. Makes me feel amazingly grateful for all the men and women who have given so much so that we can live freely as we do. I hope that wherever you spend your holiday, and who ever you spend it with that you will take a moment to feel the glory of this day! Have a wonderful holiday full of all kinds of summery goodness. Happy 4th of July!
I'm Mandy. Mama, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Lover of God... Each day is a journey. Life is an adventure. At this point in my life, I try to go one day at a time, enjoying the moment I'm in, because today is a gift that will be gone tomorrow. I hope this can be a place to share the joy that can be found in everyday simpleness, watching kids grow, enjoying those you love, and this crazy little thing called life!