Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I could cry...

I could cry... big ol` crocodile tears right now, but I won't. Had to take the girls and myself a little while ago to the Doctors office for flu shots. I have been dreading it all week. What a way to finish out my 7 days of being a single mama. Yuck.

Now me myself am not afraid of needles. I'm not afraid of shots, there isn't much that even makes me queasy. But, listening to my six year old scream with all of her might as tears flowed from her eyes... just about did me in! To say she is afraid of a shot is a bit of an understatement...
It took 3 adults to hold her down. I don't think I will ever forget her eyes. Over and over she kept screaming "no mama, don't let them hurt me".

Honestly, that was one of the worst things I've ever had to do.
Even though I know it was what was best.
Doesn't make it hurt any less.
Everyone is fine now... except for me, I'm still shaking.
The girls are drinking their reward; Oreo milkshakes - while watching Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin. Wish someone would give me a treat, or at least a hug!

Matt will be home in 3 hours and 15 minutes or so... but who's counting?
Maybe I'll get a hug then!

Monday, October 26, 2009

my week...

Well here we are almost at the end of my single mom-hood. Can't believe I'm actually about to say this, but it's been nice. I've actually really enjoyed this time. My girls have been so good. It's funny how your kids can totally step up to the plate when push comes to shove. (without even being asked - just because they know it's what's needed!)

This week has really made me feel capable. Totally capable. It feels good. I don't know how to explain it... it just feels good.

Don't get me wrong, I do miss my honey, and I will be glad when he's home, and our family and house is back to the way it should be... but, there are times when your strength and constitution is challenged, and it's nice when you realize you are stronger than you realize!

I love my girls. I love spending time with them... I am so glad I have spent this week enjoying them rather than feeling sorry for myself that I had to do all the work on my own. A year ago I'm not sure if that would have been the case.

Be glad for everyday - every moment!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

autumn leaves have fallen...

October gave a party;
and everything was grand,

The leaves by hundreds came

-The Chestnuts, Oaks, and Maples,

And leaves of every name.

The Sunshine spread a carpet,

Miss Weather led the dancing,

Professor Wind the band.

~George Cooper, "October's Party"
Spent my afternoon yesterday raking leaves. Boy do we have a lot of leaves... How glorious though to soak in the last of the sunshine. The last of the "nice weather"... it changes pretty quickly this time of year. I just love fall, it's so beautiful. I love the crisp weather. I love putting my jeans and sweaters back on. I love cooking cozy foods, and cuddling with my girls and a good book. Call me strange but some days I even love the rain... especially when I get to watch it outside my window! Happy Fall.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


single*mom*n*it: say it quick, it makes sense :)!
The definition ... ? ...
It's what I'm doing this week.
Yes, for 7 days I am home alone with my two sweet girls.
We are minus hubby, minus daddy, minus extra hands, extra patience, and many other things.

Really not so bad. Other than it's a little lonely, and home just doesn't feel like home without him in it. But, we'll make it! Probably more grateful and thankful for the time that we do get! He is in San Fransisco on business... darn him for being so good at what he does :).....

So. Other than that...
Well, being a single parent takes up pretty much all of my time.

Getting ready in a week to close the shop for a week and prepare for our Holiday Open House. Call me crazy, but I am so excited. Haven't been this excited to decorate for the holidays in a long time! It is going to be AMAZING this year, can't wait!

Cristy (Matt's Sissy) that I spoke of in my post "the power of prayer"... is still holding on to those sweet babies. She has been in the hospital almost 21 days, and will be 28 weeks prego on Sunday. That will mark the first goal the Doctors wanted to get her to... the next goal is to make it to 30 weeks. So keep the prayers coming!!! They do work! So thank you to those of you who have kept them in your thoughts and prayers!

Well, so far that's it...
I'm sure I'll have some pretty funny stories to share as the week progresses... Heaven knows what will happen around here. Good thing they are such good girls!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

the power of something small...

Too often we underestimate
the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word,
a listening ear,
an honest compliment,
or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential
to turn a life around.
~Leo Buscaglia

Friday, October 16, 2009

her smile...

She has a thousand different smiles, but doesn't give any away too easily. She is careful, cautious, unsure at first. But when she gives you that smile, you know you've won her heart. She has a big and beautiful heart. The best and most beautiful part of her is she has no idea how beautiful she is... inside or out. There is never an air of conceitedness about her. She just is who she is. Take it or leave it.

To most she's quiet, and conservative. To me... she is laughter, and sunshine, caring, and goodness. I don't think she has any idea how much I love her. Actually, I know she doesn't. How could she ever know the depth of my love... The moment, I found out that she was growing inside of me, I fell in love. The moment the doctor placed her on my chest, I knew her heart and mine were forever connected, in a way, and in a love that I had no idea existed.

She challenges me, strengthens me, makes me think, has made me NEVER to say "never". She delights me, surprises me, stretches me, and makes me wake each and everyday with thanks to God for the life I have been given. She doesn't always give her smiles or love easily, but when she does... I feel like I've won the lottery.
Bella, I know that it isn't always easy being you. I know that from a very young age you have been expected to be and do a lot! But please don't ever question how proud I am that you're my girl. You make me so proud. I can't believe you're the baby that doctor placed on my chest - when I fell head over heals in love. Where has all the time gone? Slow down... would you please? It's all going way way to fast for me.
Thank you for the smiles you give,
they are so precious to me... each and every one!

Thursday, October 15, 2009

That Girl...

I have had the pleasure this week to really spend some real quality time with my little monkey girl. I know you're probably sitting there thinking to yourself don't you spend everyday with her? Aren't you like 24/7 mama. The answer would be YES, and I love spending everyday with my girls. There's a BUT coming... but, I don't always get to spend one on one "Quality Time". When Bella was little her and I spent everyday just her and I, we knew each other's ins and outs. But since Meritt has come along my attention always has to be shared. Whether with her sister, her daddy, another family member, friends, chores, the shop, phone calls, or life.
This week life has been pretty quiet... (knock on wood). After many weeks of pretty much chaos and craziness... we have spent the week chilling out with one another. Man that girl make me laugh. Man that girl makes my heart melt like it's right over a big Ole blazing fire...

She has a way about her...
She has a light in her eyes...
She has a joy in her heart...
that is contagious.
Sure she can be sneaky.
Sure she can be a monkey.
Sure she has a fiery, passionate personality.
Sure she's...
& fearless...
But she's also, sweet, kind, loving, cuddly, vivacious, joyous,
happy, and perfect just the way she is.

I imagine that it's not always the easiest thing being the baby sister. Being compared to your sister, and everything she did and when, her personality, and how sweet, smart, and good she is.
(Just as I'm sure it's not always easy being the Big Sissy either, but that's a different story for a different day!) It's probably not always easy not really having anything that is just yours (not even your mama and daddy). To always have to share, even when you have no idea of the definition. Always having to act a little bit better than maybe you're really capable of because you're being drug around with the "big kids". Always having to watch as your sis gets to do things first... play with friends, go to parties, and have more privileges... when you're told you're too little. But, Meritt, you'll get your chance some day... I promise you! I hope you don't grow up too fast, because I happen to like the fact that you're the baby sister!
I feel so blessed to have this girl as my daughter. Everyday she is teaching me what life is really all about. She's only been with me less than 3 years, but she has already taught me so much... I feel like it is in part to her that I am a better person than I was. I can't wait to learn more. What a joy it is, just to spend my days in your presence!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Heavy Hearted...

Each and everyone of us walks our daily walk with a different purpose, a different outlook, and a different struggle. Some try and look at life with the glass half full. Some try to make each day better than the one before. Some of us are good at being obedient to the life that God is asking us to live. Other's of us wake up each day unexcited, looking at the day as something we have to get through rather than enjoy.

It's easy to judge someone else, but it is so hard to see our own truth. Why is that? Each of us is woven of our own threads, made up of our own fibers. Some of the fibers were knit when we were young, some came later when heartbreak found us, as our innocence was fleeting, or life caught up with us, or as we experienced joys through small eyes, or accomplishments along the way.

I have a heavy heart tonight to make a proposition to whoever may be out there reading this today... Think of all of the friends, family, and loved ones you may have today that need your prayer. I know right now there are many in my life. Some I feel sorrow for, some I wish I could change, some I feel sorry for, some I feel happy for, some might not even know me well. Who ever may be on your heart... listen to that calling. Pray for that person. Whether it be a person you love, or even one you loathe. Remember each of us has a story. Each of us has a struggle. Each of us needs to be prayed for!

Some days I feel so guilty because I am so blessed. In many ways my life is easy. There are people I know that are living in unhappy marriages, or desperately want a child. Others seem to not be able to find their happiness no matter where they look. Some I know keep being challenged with the same lesson time and time again. Others live in denial, keeping quiet rather than speaking their truth.

At the end of the day no matter how blessed or how challenged we may be at our own point in time. Something has hit me in the last little while, and that is... that the only person in this whole world we can change is ourselves. Anything you don't like in someone else is most likely a trait you don't like in yourself. We can never make a person feel for us what they do not feel. We can never make a persons focus and priority what you would want it to be. You can never make a person feel something they don't really feel themselves. The only one in life we can control is our self.

Whoever is on your heart... pray for them.
I know that there are people on mine tonight that I will be praying for!
I will also be thanking him for my many many blessings.
Remember to be thankful - even for the really little things. Slow down... take a deep breath... because if we forget to thank him in the good times how can we expect him to bless us in the bad times?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

the power of prayer...

I would like to ask any and all of you out there reading this to pray for my sister in law, and her unborn twin baby boys. Late Friday night she went into unexpected preterm labor, and was rushed via ambulance to a state of the art, level 3, neonatal facility in Roseville CA. She is 25 weeks along. Over the weekend they were able to get the preterm labor stopped, thankfully, but are unsure at this point how long she will be able to go without delivering. The medications that they can give for this are so powerful they are only able to keep mother's and babies on it for short amounts of time due to all of the side effects and complications.

The Doctor's have told her to focus day by day and hour by hour. That every day she can keep the babies where they belong the better! So I ask for you to pray. The power of prayer is a powerful thing, and the more prayer the better! Matt has affectionately nicknamed the babies "Willie & Wonka" so we are just praying that our little Willie & Wonka stay in their mommies belly where they belong for as long as they possibly can. Thank you for praying for this!