Friday, January 7, 2011

the rest of the story...

So yesterday, I started to share with you my story, about what has been happening with my health. Today, I'm going to share the rest of the story!...

I think it's called dealing with life.
I think.
Yes, I'm pretty sure when challenges arise, we can either deal with them then and there, or sweep them neatly under the rug until another day. But, eventually we have to deal with them!

For me, I'm not sure if these other things that have been happening in life have been hidden under the rug for long or not, but they both definitely have made me (us) deal with them - right now!

One of these things that has had to be delt with is Meritt Rose, and her speech problems. I guess I have known on some level for quite a while that she was getting her sounds, and words later than I thought she should. (but as a mom I try really hard not to compare my kids) Bella, was quiet, but always verbal. Meritt was a very loud baby, but not very vocal. In fact by age two, she barely said anything at all. Still, I didn't get too upset about it, because I assumed that it would sort of correct its self like many childhood issues do. But, by this year (her first preschool year) when she wasn't being understood by other teachers, kids, or parents, I felt like it would be a great idea to use a resource available to us at her school, and have a free speech evaluation. I'm not sure that I thought about what that evaluation meant much further out than the actual evaluation... But, by the end of the screening, I have been forced to face that 'challenge under the rug' that had been hiding. Meritt is in need of some private speech therapy. We are now in the process of learning more about this, and also finding some programs available through our county that may assist us as well.

Meritt was born four weeks early, due to a terrible case of bronchitis and flu that I had at 36 weeks prego. I felt as if I coughed her out. (but, I didn't ;) ) She weighed 7lbs 2oz and besides being very jondiced, and not having her sucking reflux yet, she was a thriving new born, baby, and even toddler. I had never thought that her prematurity would hand us problems later down the road. You always hear about premature babies at birth, but rarely about kids who have disabilities because of their prematurity. The professionals I have talked with say, it is very likely this is at least part of why she is having difficulty. I am just hoping that with help now, at almost four, we can correct any problems she may have, so she doesn't experience them once she is school aged.

I see 2011... as a great year for Meritt to thrive in. I am thankful, and hopeful that by getting her the help, and therapy she needs, that she will be able to develop her social skills, as well as her communication skills, and frustration about her speech.

As a mama it is hard to watch your little one struggle, or act out, because they can't tell you what they are trying to express. It breaks my heart that she says her teachers are her best friends at school. (not because they aren't lovely, but because they aren't kids!) I desperately want her to develop relationships with other kids, I want her to fit in, and be happy, I want her to be able to play, and enjoy this sweet little age that she's at. It is my prayer and my hope that this new year will bring her only positive growth and change!

The next thing that has been hard this year, has been watching my grandma take a downward spiral with her health. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1999, but has ALWAYS been healthy as a horse otherwise! Six months ago, she could sit cross legged in the floor playing with her great-grand girls, and today, it takes two people to carefully move her aging, frail body, into another room. I have talked a bunch here about my Grandma, and how much she means to me, so I'm sure I don't have to go over that in detail. Needless to say, it is harder than I ever imagined to watch her now in her final time in life. I feel amazingly blessed to have been able to help with her these last few months. I feel in a way that I have gotten my Gran back. I love that when i rub her back, she loves it too. I love that she tells me she loves when I visit, and she appreciates me spending time with her. I'm glad that Meritt and Bella are having a chance to spend a lot of time gr owning and forming some priceless memories of their Gigi!

As beautiful as it is to be fortunate enough to spend this time, it breaks my heart in a million pieces to see the pain she has in her eyes. Her body is finally at 89 doing what her mind did years earlier... it's dying.

I know she's headed to heaven, and that means peace and triumph for her. However, what am I going to do when that day comes? When I must say goodbye. How will I ever live without her?

She is all of my best childhood memories.
She has been my safe place.
She has taught me obedience, and what a godly woman looks like.

I pray that God will use me in this new year to be there for my Gran. To give her love, and time, and attention, and all of the things that I would want if I was heading to heaven soon. I want her to KNOW that I love her, even if she isn't always sure who I am. (because of her disease) I pray that I will grow up to be half the beautiful God fearing woman that she has lived to be. I pray I make her proud when she looks down on me one day from heaven's pearly gates, and knows Exactly who I am!

There have been a bunch of challenges in my path in 2010. I'm sure there will be more in 2011, but, I can only hope that while dealing with these challenges, I will grow, and change, and flourish into the woman God desires me to be!


Myya said...

I am bawling. Your tribute to your Grandma is just beautiful. I am quite sure that when she reaches those Pearly Gates she will know EXACTLY who you are and the wonderful person that she helped shape.

Shelley said...

What a sweet story about your grandma. I love that she was such a role model for you...especially as a godly-woman. I imagine she will have many crowns in heaven. You are blessed to have made so many memories with her. One of my grandmothers passed away when I was 7 years old so I have few memories of her. The other was when I was 24 but she didnt speak any the memories with her arent there at all.

I pray for you and for Merrit. What a gorgeous name!

Bella Rose said...

I am very lucky to have my Grandma, and I know it! I think that's why this is all so hard. But, I take heart in knowing I will see her again! Thank you for the encouragement, and prayers!