Wednesday, January 26, 2011

nothing much...

So, if I'm honest, there is really nothing much for me to talk about. My life has pretty much been put on a permanent hold since hearing my grandmother's hospice nurse tell me one week ago, that we are looking at days to weeks left in her life, nothing more.

She has maybe eaten 1 cup of ice cream in 8 days. She has maybe had two glasses of water administered to her threw a dropper into her mouth in 8 days. Each day she gets a little weaker, and a little less.... anxious.

We are playing a waiting game. We are playing a one day at a time, moment to moment, take it as it comes kind of game. If I'm being really honest, it's really hard. Sometimes it's exhausting. She is 89, and has no real mental capacity left, and her body is failing. At this point, after saying all the things we could have possibly have wanted to say, we pray she now goes to see Jesus in peace.

Mom and I cancelled our business trip we were to be on this week, and are now wondering how and when we will play catch up.... since life has stalled, and slowed to a creeping speed, yet the world all around us still spins and goes on by as if nothing is happening at all.

I am sorry there have been no new pictures to share.
I am sorry there have been no funny or witty stories to tell.
Life as I know it has stopped.
I am surviving...
I am surrounding myself with my family, and the comforts of home.
I am allowing myself to be sad when I need to be, and being strong when I'm needed to .
I am taking care of my girls, and my mama, and my Grammy, and thankfully Matt is taking care of me.
Life isn't easy.
Hard things happen.
If we're lucky enough we have people who are by our sides to help us through the hard stuff, so that in the end we can see the beauty.

As far as Gram goes, she has lived a full life. She has been and will always be my hero. She had strength, and courage, and a spirit that was full of life. She loves the lord with all of her heart. So, although we will be sad for our loss when we lose her, we celebrate for her that she will be spending eternity with Jesus, her Mama and Daddy, husband, and many many other loved ones that wait for her there!

In the meantime, we wait.
We sit by her bedside.
We pray.
We cry.
We remember her life, and our memories with her.
...and pretty soon, we will join the rest of the world who keeps on going.

1 comment:

Myya said...

Mandy, That was so touching! You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.