Wednesday, October 6, 2010

needing a pep talk...

Hello blog friends... at the moment I think you are my only adult outlet, so I am turning to you. To vent. Sorry... turn off your computers and run now, if you like!

Today has been one of those blah kind of days. Not bad. Not good. Somewhere in between. Most of the time I am pretty good at seeing the beauty in the small stuff. I am more of a glass is half full than a half empty kind of person. Even on the really bad days, I (usually) don't feel sorry for myself. I don't today either.

I realize I live a completely blessed and happy life. I have a good husband, sweet, good girls, a wonderful home, and supportive family, dear friends, you name it I have it, I am, in a nut shelled, blessed beyond measure. I am aware of the suffering going on in the world around me. I can see the struggles on others faces as I pass them on the street or in the grocery line. I am by no way oblivious or unaware of these things around me. So, I realize for me to be typing that it has been a 'blah' kind of day, is sort of indulgent, since, my life is far from anything that a lot of folks face. But none the less, I am still human, and every now and then, even amongst the blessings that I have in my life, I feel, well kind of lonely.

I spend most of my days with little children. That like I said before are sweet, and good, loving, and adorable. But, at times they are also whiny, and self indulgent, unaware of other's feelings, and all about themselves. Just as I was to my mother when I was a child, and just like I'm sure every other kid out there is like. While I can logically realize these truths, there are still times, when the fits about sharing, or the complaining about the dinner that is put in front of them, wares at me... It's hard to remain patient and kind. It's hard to remain hopeful and optimistic. Most days I do. Today, well... I'm trying.

Tonight after Matt gets off work he starts his fall league of basketball. (his mistress if you will) (yep folks my husband is in love with something else besides me, and it's name, basketball) So, here's where the venting comes in... (Matt STOP READING THIS...)

Is it bad to feel a little resentful when your partner gets to play, when you are still, well, doing your duty? I want him to have an outlet for stress. I want him to do things in life that bring him pleasure. I want him to have hobbies outside of me. But, when the hobby comes in the way of the two hours a day I get to have his help with the girls it makes me GROWL! It makes me resentful. It makes me...... I don't want to have to feed my kids a third meal today without him. I don't want to give them baths and put them to bed without him. It's hard. It makes me feel lonely on these 11-13 hour days without him around to be my partner. So, it's 5:15, a little over two hours until he's home. So, I sit trying to give myself a pep talk to put my big girl panties on and 'deal with it'. I also try to sit and think of something to do, but can't come up with much, so I guess, I will put those big ol panties on, make dinner, clean it up, bathe the kidlets, read them stories, pick up the house, and tuck them into bed... and then still try not and be 'snarly' (yes that's his word for me) when he gets home, throws his dirty basketball clothes on the floor, and wonders what's for dinner. (by the way, I love my husband... a lot - I'm just human) Yes, as I say in my sidebar, life is not roses or songbirds all the time for any of us. Sometimes, we need to be, to say what's on our minds, to vent, to be blah, to be able to say that we feel lonely or resentful, even if just for a moment, so that the feeling can fade... or if nothing else, so we (me) can move past it move forward, and see the rainbow after the rain is done.

Thanks for listening to be vent blog friends. You have no idea how therapeutic typing out my feelings is for me. Some people jog to release stress, some play music, play basketball ;), take walks, bubble baths, or shop, me I have always preferred to write it out... Thanks for giving me the opportunity to do that here. It's nice to have a place to let my hair down. (if I had enough to put down) Hmmmm, now, back to what's for dinner????....... Reality is calling, got to go!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Mandy- I had to laugh to myself when I read this blog. I feel the exact same way when Val goes to her "work meetings" but "has" to stay the night to hang out have dinner and drink with the guys. I know it's work but the resentful part you talked about... Sometimes you can't make it go away. Those extra hours you have to do dinner, bath, and bedtime alone are ROUGH!! Just want you to know I feel your pain Sista!! More then you know!!!