Tuesday, February 15, 2011

parenting help needed...


okay, the title of this post may possibly be a bit dramatic I admit... but, I would like to know what you might think about the subject.

The subject is my girl Bella. She has trouble verbalizing her feelings. She had a really hard time with her Gigi's death. The hardest part was that she didn't know how to get her emotions out. So, instead she let her feelings make her sick. I let her stay home from school last Monday-Wednesday. Tuesday was Gigi's funeral, and the other days she was having a hard time. I decided that it was okay to just be at home. She went back to school on Thursday, and was invited to have a sleepover at her best friends house Friday night.

Even though I really wasn't sure she could handle it, I let her go. Thinking that maybe a little carefree kid time, was what her worried little heart needed. She arrived home lunch time on Saturday, and was an absolute BEAST. She was so tired, and crabby, and cranky, that she pushed every single button I had, and made me so frustrated I didn't even know what to do. Frustrated enough that I'm still thinking about it, and it's Tuesday night!

Now there is a good possibility that I didn't have the patience to put up with her acting out because I too had a very hard week last week...

Here is my question. How do you handle your kid acting their feelings out in undesirable ways?

How can the same kid that was described as an 'angel' by her friends mother, come home and jump up and down, sniveling, and screaming, because she's sooooo tired? As a mom where did I mess up? How do I handle this when it happens again. Why does this particular child have such a hard time expressing emotion in the correct way? She is such a GREAT kid. She is smart, and sweet, and everything else nice you can think of, but when her ugly comes out, Oooooo boy does it get UGLEY!!!

There's this part of me that wants to be like a military mom who takes every earthly possession away and never let her sleepover with friends again until she can act appropriate. But, in the end, I am not a military mom... I'm just me. The mom that totally yelled back and lost her cool, and told her that it wasn't okay to act like that, and then an hour later was cuddling and acting like nothing happened at all.

The biggest question on my mind... is there a way to teach my girl how to express, and feel her emotions so they don't bubble and burst out of her in such awful ways, or is this just who she is?


Myya said...

I think this just might be who she is. On one hand you should feel good knowing that she comes home & lets it all out, like she is comfortable & that is where she knows she can be herself. My Amira is like that. A perfect angel somewhere & then BAM a nightmare for no reason? Aziza is completely different... no matter where she is she just completely melts down if something doesn't go her way. I wish I had the answers. This mom gig is really REALLY hard work!

Sara said...

You said "Why does this particular child have such a hard time expressing emotion in the correct way?" I think that what we feel to be "correct" behavior comes from our life experience. Something a child has so little of. You didn't go anywhere wrong as a mama, you're both learning how to get through these times together. Sometimes it's just a little harder than others. It sounds like being at home is her safe place. A place where she can let it all out and not have to pretend that everything is okay. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's okay to be disrespctful. We've been dealing with a 10-year-old sassy mouth/attitude on a daily basis. I too am beside myself. What did I do wrong and how do I correct it? When she gets truly upset I tell her her room is her place to chill. She can get a yell out (one good ahhhhh) and cry all she wants, but I don't want to hear it so her door must be shut. Alexa has found, on her own, that writing works for her. Many times after an argument between the two of us she'll come back out with a note, reflecting on the situation. Her way of calming down is to have some quiet time and write. Bella will find her own, constructive way, to handle her stress. And she has great parents to lead her down the right path.