Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Nothing Nice...

Remember the old saying if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it at all? That's where I'm at right now, which is why I haven't posted anything in close to two weeks. I can't seem to spit out what is on my heart because it just seems to come out as negativity. I don't want to be negative. I can't seem to get my feet planted firm into the ground, because every time I do something, or someone knocks me over. I want so badly to stay focused on the blessings in my life, to fill my life, heart, and spirit with the beauty that is all around me, rather than the bad. But, I'm struggling. I feel lonely, even though I am not alone. I feel overwhelmed by everyday duties, lost in the roles that I play in life. I feel stressed about the happenings of the world. I wonder, how to get through this life living to it's fullest potential, getting everything out of it that I want, realizing life is not a dress rehearsal... when the pressure of being my best for everyone else, shadows the person who is me. I have no idea why all of this is so hard to say or even harder to admit, but it's probably the perfectionist part of my personality. I like things neat, and clean, straight, and orderly, and when life feels crazy, unkempt, uncertain, and upside down, I don't know where to go. So, generally when I feel like this, I pray a lot, because at the end of the day he's the best friend I've got. He always understands, even when my craziness makes no sense, when other human beings don't have the time or compassion to lend the understanding I need. I go to him, because in that I find peace. I feel blessed in these times when life seems upside down, and when I have nothing nice to say, because I know everyday that I wake, I am given the gift of grace. I know I am not alone, there are many others out there struggling with their own stresses, their own worries, and their own life, especially in the times we are living in.... for all of you out there, I will keep you in my prayers, and I ask that you might hold me up in yours. I promise I'll be back to my little blog soon, as soon as I can find something nice to say! Hopefully it will be real soon!

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