six

In six little days Bella's Kindergarten year will be over. In six little days I will officially be the mother of a first grader.... Oh, my. In eighteen days I will also officially be the mother of a six year old. How did she get to be six? It feels like yesterday we were preparing anxiously for her arrival. How quickly the time flies when you count time in childhood years.

I have a tendency to go really BIG when it comes to birthday celebrations. My mom thinks I'm insane. I plan and plan, do it up to the hilt, and have so much fun making each year it's own celebration. As I'm in the midst of planning our six year old party, it has kind of gotten me thinking about why I do this every year. I think I finally know why. It's because I know that as fast as the last six years have gone by, the next six will probably just go faster, and the six after that, and the six after that.

Soon, there will be proms, and first dates, heartbreaks, and graduations, I will be watching her daddy walk her down the aisle, watching her achieve her goals, and grow into being a beautiful woman. I look forward to all of that, but I would be lying if I told you it didn't make me just a little sad. Not because I don't want her to grow up, and not because I don't look forward to watching her grow up, but because I wish I could slow time down. Sometimes I feel like we get so busy, so wrapped up in all of the details of life, the lists, and the to-do's that we don't slow down long enough to enjoy the time while we have it.

Pretty much my whole life I have been pushing myself towards the next thing. When I was Bella's age I spent my time dreaming of what I would be, who I would become. Dreaming of being a mommy, a teacher, a grown up. When I was a teenager I spent my time dreaming of when I could drive, when I could have my little blue VW bug on the road, wind in my hair. When I could work to make my own money, when I could have my own house. Eventually I got my drivers license, my bug, and a job to afford it. Eventually, I even got my own little place to live. Then, I dreamed of when I could get married, and have babies, and an even bigger better place to live. I got my prince charming, and we got bigger and better places to live, constantly working to get to the next best thing. Then, after more dreaming, I got what I had always dreamed of, I got to have a baby grow in my tummy. I got to give birth, and meet my baby girl, that we gave the name Bella, which means beautiful, and that she is. But, even after she was born, I was still looking out to the next thing. I looked on to the next stage, when she would crawl, when she would walk, when she would talk, when she would get her first tooth, when she would go to school. It is just now, that I have finally come to the realization that the next stage will inevitably come, but what I have now is the here and now. No re-do's are available. I am to enjoy the day, to celebrate what is now, the good, the bad, and the wonderful! So, for this time I celebrate six, and all it has to bring!