seasons...

There are so many seasons in life aren't there. Some we can't wait to get through, and others we wish we could savor forever. I happen to be in one of those seasons of life as of late that I just want to get through. I am ready to figure out how to get through this rough phase and move forward...


As a mama, I want to delight in my children. Find JOY in them. Enjoy our days.  I want them to look back on their childhoods and remember me as cheerful, gracious, and loving.  Some days I am certain they are going to remember me as an impatient, angry, yelling monster.


Lately this is harder said than done. 
Ever since school started this year, or maybe two weeks before, it seems like life is in total chaos.
One of my kids has dumped over the apple cart of our family, and it affects the entire mood and vibe of our home. I am finding it incredibly hard to stay consistent, and positive.


The dreams I had of motherhood seem like an absolute joke during these times. It seems as if the only volume of my voice that is heard is when it's at a roar. I am tired. I am feeling broken at this moment. Like I am failing somehow and I am totally unsure how to mend things so that this season doesn't last forever. The job of raising children into grown people is tremendous, and I don't want to screw this up. I want to get past this. I need to. We all do.


Here's the truth... I haven't had anything joyful to share with you lately. I apologize. It's a season of life, and I hope it passes quickly. I have had plans to post back to school photos and other happenings, but keeping up with life is all I can muster, and in the quiet moments, all I want is quiet and peace.


Please pray for PEACE in our family. We are struggling right now. We'll be fine, please don't panic, but we could use your prayer to get our kiddo through this phase of life that is making for a hard season of life for our family!

a letter for someday...

Dear daughter of mine,
      Someday I hope you read this letter,  and understand your mother's heart. Because today I'm afraid you don't. In the midst of disciplining you the other day, you looked me square in the eyes and told me you would never forgive me as long as you live. The parent in me, thought to myself that it's okay if you don't forgive me. I knew I was doing what was best for you. The mother in me, the part of me that has loved you since the moment you were conceived, wanted to squeeze you tightly in my arms, and tell you that if you knew how much I loved you... how I was teaching you in love, that you would never be able to hold anger in your heart against me.
      You are growing up far too fast my sweet girl. I want you to know (someday) that everyday, I wake up and pray that I will be, and can be, the best Mama I can be for you. I pray that you will one day love the lord, that you will achieve your greatness in life (whatever that may be), and that you will grow to be all of the things you were meant to be. I hope that you always live your life with bigger faith than fear.
      Mostly, on days like today when I fear that someday you may wonder why I made you learn certain lessons, certain ways, that you will know that I always made my decisions based on love and faith. Being your mom, is the greatest, and hardest job I have ever had. Somedays I wonder if I am adequately made for such a important and huge job.  Then, when I look into your big brown eyes I always know, this was what I was meant to be.
      I hope someday, you will understand that part of loving you is teaching you. There will be many more lessons to learn my love, and we will learn them together I'm sure! I want you to know, there will never be a day, no matter how old you get, that I don't lay you down on the feet of Jesus in prayer. I love you with all that I am.

-Mama



(today, this is the song that I listen to over and over...)

no one said this parenting gig was easy...

Where do I begin? When the doctor puts that baby on your chest, and you wait to hear that cry for the first time, you can't even imagine all the phases, stages, and trials you will go through now that you are a parent. That baby doesn't come with a handbook, and no one tells you about all the things you should and shouldn't do.

So, for the most part, it's a trial and error thing this parenting gig.
Most of all for the first child.
Because lets face it, we know nothing before the first kid enters our world.

My sweet Bella is eight. She is a good girl. I mean a really good girl. She has her moments of course, and don't mistake the word good for easy in that sentence up above, because easy she hasn't been, and I'm sure that will only grow as she does. This year, more than any other year of her life, she is stretching her wings a bit and looking for some independence. The hard part as a parent is to know, what you should let them do, and what you shouldn't.

Matt and I talked earlier in the Summer, and decided that she might be ready to walk to school come fall. She has a group of friends, and our plan (if agreed by the other parents) is to let them walk as a group, on the same route each day. We would have 'safe houses' marked along their route of neighbors that we know and trust, just in case they might have a problem along the way to or from school. Since she will be walking several blocks here soon, and had never been allowed to walk farther than around our block by herself. We decided that we would let her walk the 4 blocks to my parents house from time to time.

At first, she would start walking before us, while we were on our way over.
Now, she is walking the dog over once or twice a day... asking permission before she leaves.

I walked to school every day since the 1st grade, and I walked a half a mile each day.
I did fine, and turned out fine. Others would say it's a different world we live in today, and that it's not safe.

The whole thing leaves this lingering question inside of me....
Should I shelter her, just in case something bad could happen?
Or should I teach her to be independent, and responsible, and capable, so that when she enters the real world; in not that long of time, she will be ready!

These decisions are hard.

I'm not sure if I should follow what others are doing; which seems to be playing it safe just in case... or let her fly a little bit?

What do you think?
Does the whole idea of letting an 8 year old walk a few block alone scare you? Or do you think it's a good idea to teach kids a little responsibility bite by bite, so that they are capable human beings by the time they leave the nest?

I know there are probably a lot of you out there reading this that have WAAAAYYY more knowledge and know how in this department. We've got 3 weeks until school starts, and this Mama could really use some advice! Please let me know what you think... What have you done? How do yo feel about this? Anything would be helpful!

I sure wish I would have gotten a parenting handbook when I left the hospital with my bundle of joys! :)

keeping it real...

{source}


Being a mom is a hard job.
Before I became a mother I always wondered if I would be selfless enough, would I be able to be patient enough, would I have enough love...

There are days I know I should be more selfless.
I absolutely cannot fight or deny the fact that patience isn't my strongest gift.
But, I never ever could have imagined the pure LOVE that I have for my kids.

When they struggle, I struggle.
When they feel sad, I wish I could take that away and make them happy.
I wish I could give my daughters the ability to KNOW how loved they are by me...
If they had that ability they would never be jealous of their sister...
They would never feel like they were somehow not enough...
They would never for a moment question their place in this world, because they would know that wherever they are they are perfect just the way God made them.

Bella has been struggling lately. She's been acting out in ways that are unlike her. She bottles up her emotions and they come out in arguments, and yelling, screaming, gnashing, sniveling, horrible fits.

It breaks my heart, into like a million pieces that I can't seem to do anything to help ease whatever it is that she's feeling.

She's so jealous of her sister, and I'm not sure why...
I can't love Meritt less just to make Bella feel better, not even if I tried.
They are two separate people.
I wish they both knew the depths of my love, but I guess I'll just have to keep loving them each, in their own special way, each day for the rest of their lives and try to show them how much.

I wasn't expecting to be going through some of this stuff quite yet.
I thought the teenage years would bring these things, but not these sweet adolescence days.

I am left tonight feeling like I'm not sure I was enough today.
Yet, I'm not sure I could have given anymore.
Life isn't always perfect.
That's a lesson I want my kids to learn now.
I don't want to build a bubble around them, because... LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS PERFECT.

It's important to learn to be forgiving.
It's important to learn to ask for forgiveness.
It's important to learn how we treat others affects everyone around us.
It's important to learn about grace, like that of the grace that Jesus gives each of us everyday.

I'm learning that teaching life lessons isn't always easy, or perfect, nor does it come with a manual or rules.

Being a mom is HARD.

Good thing it's also wonderful most days.
There would be a whole lot of us giving our two week notices on days like I had today, because I don't think it's really a whole lot like we thought it would be when we signed up for the job.

I guess all that I, or you, or any of us can hope as we lay our heads down on our pillows and wait for a new day, is that we too will be forgiven, we will learn to ask for forgiveness, and that the Grace of the lord will renew us for the next day ahead.

This Mama is calling it a day!
Good-night all.

parenting help needed...

okay, the title of this post may possibly be a bit dramatic I admit... but, I would like to know what you might think about the subject.

The subject is my girl Bella. She has trouble verbalizing her feelings. She had a really hard time with her Gigi's death. The hardest part was that she didn't know how to get her emotions out. So, instead she let her feelings make her sick. I let her stay home from school last Monday-Wednesday. Tuesday was Gigi's funeral, and the other days she was having a hard time. I decided that it was okay to just be at home. She went back to school on Thursday, and was invited to have a sleepover at her best friends house Friday night.

Even though I really wasn't sure she could handle it, I let her go. Thinking that maybe a little carefree kid time, was what her worried little heart needed. She arrived home lunch time on Saturday, and was an absolute BEAST. She was so tired, and crabby, and cranky, that she pushed every single button I had, and made me so frustrated I didn't even know what to do. Frustrated enough that I'm still thinking about it, and it's Tuesday night!

Now there is a good possibility that I didn't have the patience to put up with her acting out because I too had a very hard week last week...

Here is my question. How do you handle your kid acting their feelings out in undesirable ways?

How can the same kid that was described as an 'angel' by her friends mother, come home and jump up and down, sniveling, and screaming, because she's sooooo tired? As a mom where did I mess up? How do I handle this when it happens again. Why does this particular child have such a hard time expressing emotion in the correct way? She is such a GREAT kid. She is smart, and sweet, and everything else nice you can think of, but when her ugly comes out, Oooooo boy does it get UGLEY!!!

There's this part of me that wants to be like a military mom who takes every earthly possession away and never let her sleepover with friends again until she can act appropriate. But, in the end, I am not a military mom... I'm just me. The mom that totally yelled back and lost her cool, and told her that it wasn't okay to act like that, and then an hour later was cuddling and acting like nothing happened at all.

The biggest question on my mind... is there a way to teach my girl how to express, and feel her emotions so they don't bubble and burst out of her in such awful ways, or is this just who she is?

keep her little...

As a mother there are times when all we want to do is protect our kids... Keep them little, innocent, sweet, unchanged. Keep them from getting hurt, or "labeled". And as a mother when you feel like there is a possibility of something causing them harm it is hard to know exactly what to do.

I've mentioned here before that we are needing to put Meritt into some special therapy for some speech delays she is having. We are in the process of going through the screenings and evaluations needed to place her in the correct therapy that she will need. Yesterday as we were being evaluated... (not the most comfortable thing to be evaluated) the dreaded question came about whether or not she sucks her thumb or has a binky. I fessed up. I told her that she has been a binky baby turned binky kid, and that we are working on getting rid of it all together, but she still has it when she's sleeping. So, I got to hear what I already knew... which is how BAD and TERRIBLE it is to let a child keep his or her binky longer than 12 months, and how hurtful that can be to his or her speech development. I get it... I really do. The next part she said is were she lost me... she told me that if she has anything (aka -a blanket or toy) that she associates with the binky that it also needs to go at the same time. So, I am supposed to take her binky and her softie, her security objects. Gulp.

As I sat in that seat, I got hot, and also felt tears well up. She could see my discomfort. She says to me, 'this whole process is a whole lot harder on parents than kids'. But, what I wanted to say was... but, you don't even know MY kid, how do you know if this isn't going to be hard on her? What I said instead was, that nothing is easy with Meritt. (and it isn't) (not an excuse, but just a simple truth) I told her that since working on the changes with no night time diapers, and no crib, she isn't sleeping. Not only isn't she sleeping, but she isn't staying in her bed. One night she managed to stay awake until 4am. The next night, she went to sleep OK, but was up at 2am. Every night (almost) has been a different version of this. How do I also take her security items away, when she obviously is having issues that we can't seem to fix? (but, are working towards) Well, I was told that she wasn't aware that Meritt had 'so many issues' besides just speech, and that she thought it would be best to schedule another time when we could speak privately about what needs to be done about all of Meritt's 'issues'. Ouch.

I don't want it to sound like this woman isn't nice. Because she is. Really nice, and great at what she does, but she doesn't know my kid (yet). It's hard to hear things sometimes when there really isn't any easy answers. It's always so much easier to look at someone elses problems or life from the outside, and think the solution to their problem(s) is easy if only they would just do it... I don't like the label that is being put on my girl right now. I feel like her 'issues' or 'problems' are going to overshadow her amazing gifts. That she is going to get lost in the shuffle of being 'fixed' and get hurt in the process.

I don't think words can even express how much I want Meritt to get all of the help and therapy she needs to be a success in all that lies ahead of her. But, she's only 3 and a half years old. Sometimes little kids have adjustment problems. Sometimes kids just need a safe and loving place to grow their roots, so they can find their wings.

Now, I am just rambling, and I've probably lost half of you out there reading this a long time ago, but here I am, a mama whose heart is breaking for her girl. I am hoping and praying that I will have the strength to listen to MY instincts, and the faith to keep it in GODS strong, capable hands, in hopes that my little girl will never lose her sparkly eyes, hopeful spirit, and joyful soul!

Please keep us in your prayers right now, we need it!

eight days later...

Eight days after the diaper fairy came to our house, and several laxatives, a doctors call, many tears, and a thousand trips to the toilet... I am happy to announce we have a happy pooper named Meritt!

She now goes to the toilet a thousand times a day 'just to see' if she needs to poop. She has also let us (and everyone she knows) that she (in her words) 'loves to poop!' It's hilarious, and never fails to make me laugh, every time she says it! We've come FULL CIRCLE. From devastatingly fearful of pooping on the potty, to elated. Who knew...

It has been an exhausting ride, especially since it came on the same weekend we moved my grandma to a foster care home, and the same weekend Bella came down with a stomach bug, but it's DONE! I now feel like I could use to sleep for the next week (and I might!). But, I am so glad to be officially out of diapers at our house! So, so glad I could do a happy dance! (if I had the energy!) We still don't have a Christmas tree, or a wreath, or any kind of Christmas decorations in our home. We still have turkey's and pumpkins decorating the house, but oh well... There are several big things checked off my list, and that is worth more than a thousand Christmas trees in my book! I can now check off my Christmas list to Santa - get Meritt to poop in the potty! That may be the best gift I've received in a while! :)

no one said this growing up stuff was easy...

I am finding that growing up is hard. It's hard for me, and it's hard for my little Rosie too! There are those of us that are born to grow up, and then those of us that have no desire at all. Meritt Rose is one of those kids that has no desire to grow up. I am pretty sure that she would be happy being a baby forever... and while I'd like to keep her that way for as long as possible, it's time for us both to face facts and realize it's time!

Meritt's daddy and I have struggled alot with how to handle her lack of desire to grow up. We've tried to lay down the law. We've tried letting her be, so that she could go at her own pace. We've tried incentives. We've tried talking... and talking... and talking... about how fun it is to be a 'big kid'. Nothing seems to work. Here we are two months away from her 4Th birthday, and we're facing giving up things that should have been long gone by now. A crib. The Binky. Nighttime diapers. Hard stuff for a little one who wants none of it!

We started with getting rid of the crib. We had tried about 6-9 months ago, putting her big girl bed in her room, and her crib right beside. Hoping when given the choice between a big girl bed and a crib she would choose the bed. No luck, so after months of trying to let it be her idea, a few weeks ago, we made a trip to Ikea. A special trip to Ikea, to buy a big girl bed. (a bit smaller and more sized to her than the previous one) We also purchased her very own CD player (just like big sis) in hopes that listening to music (one of her favorite things) would help soothe the transition. So far, besides getting her to stay in her bed at bedtime, it is going well. We had a few nights of her getting up, and she is up really early... but nap time is going smooth (when I'm home) and she is sleeping without freaking out, which is a plus!

Since finding out about her speech issues, I have made it my personal mission to absolutely put my foot down about the Binky... Oh, boy this one has been hard!
She still gets it, but only at nap and bedtime. The minute she wakes up it goes high on the shelf. (unfortunately because she's part monkey, she has figured out how to climb to get it) So, now I am looking for a new hiding place! Yes, I know I should have taken it away a LONG time ago. I know I am probably a terrible mother. I know that this whole speech issue could be completely my fault. But, in the heat of the battle raising a possibly harder than usual baby and toddler, you do what you got to do. There I said it...

Last January I made it my mission to get Meritt potty trained before she turned 3. (since we had been trying since two and she wanted NOTHING to do with it) We spent about a week maybe a week and a half working on it, and she did really good... except for one little thing. She absolutely REFUSED to poop on the potty. At first she pooped her big girl panties, then with time, she realized if she held it until nap or bed, she could do it in a pull-up and then get changed. Well, of course we tried to nip it in the bud by taking the pull-ups away, but that just led to bigger issues. The bigger issue being she held it for TEN LONG DAYS... until finally her misery and ours led to us giving her a pull up. After talking to MANY people, the advise was, she'll do it when she's ready. Well, that was almost a year ago... and she still isn't choosing to do it on her own. So, here we go, trying this good-bye diapers/pull-ups deal all over again. It's definitely easier now that she's in a bed and not a crib. She has stayed dry now for nap and bed time for 3 almost 4 days. Only problem, we're on day 3 almost 4 of no pooping. I'm sticking to my guns this time. The diaper fairy has come, she's run out of money for diapers, and her SHIP HAS SAILED!!! So now the question is how long can she go? How ugly will this get... and why does this growing up thing have to be so hard on all of us? I am really ready for this stage of our lives to be OVER!

holy germs batman...

Clearly a germ-a-phobic person such as myself should not be raising a three year old girl named Meritt, that just happens to have a cold.

This kid does not get how germs are spread... and once again God is S T R E T C H I N G ME!!! But, the stories are funny none the less, so I thought I would share so you could laugh at my misery.

Yesterday as I was in the bathtub, I asked Meritt to brush her teeth. As in anything I give her directions to do, she didn't do what I asked. Instead she grabbed MY tooth brush. I immediately said 'Meritt please don't touch my tooth brush, you're sick and that's how we spread germs'... she says, 'Okay, Mama'. Good deal! Or not... The next thing I know (as I am washing my hair - eyes closed) I open my eyes to see Meritt standing over me, with my tooth brush pressed up against her snotty little nose, telling me that my tooth brush smells, Soooo minty and good. AWESOME. YUCK. YUCK. YUCKITY YUCK! So, I do what any good germ-a-phobic person would do, I sanitized it with Clorox, and then put it in the dishwasher on sanitize mode. Matt comes home later and says, why is your tooth brush in the dishwasher, I just shake my head and say, don't ask!

While at the Dollar Tree finding some little stuff, Meritt sneezes... you know the kind.... the snot flying everywhere kind. The there's so much snot what do we do kind. I go to get the tissues or the boogie wipes from my purse to clean her up, hmmm well guess who went through my purse and took them out??? Yup, you guessed it, the same little 3 year old that is standing in front of me with snot EVERY WHERE! So, what's a mom to do? I get the Target ad out of my purse and proceed to try and clean her up with that. Except there's too much. I then tell her, to use her sleeve, and that we're out of there. The lady shopping next to us in the card isle that is trying not to be obviously watching, just looks at me with horror on her face, grasps her cart, and gets the heck away from us! Ohhh yes, I am definitely going to get the mother of the year award this year!!!

So, now I have two kids with colds, a dad who is home sick, a husband with swollen glands, and me with a scratchy throat. Can anyone just keep their grubby germs to themselves??? I DON'T LIKE to SHARE......... GERMS. Maybe I should ask Santa for a has mat suit for Christmas! Ha - it probably still wouldn't work. Darn kids;) What's a Mama to do?

after my own time out...

Thanks to putting myself in my own time out this afternoon, as Meritt was in her early nap (and thanks to some good comment advise from Krista). I have come to realize I must have patience. Lots, and lots of patience. Meritt will grow up, and when she does I'll probably be sad that my sweet little one has grown so fast, and so big.

After taking a deep breath, and a little nap of my own, I realize that it's just little stuff. I can handle it... and everything goes better when handled with love.

Three is a really tough age in my opinion. At three, they are part baby, part learner of independance, and part 'big kid'. Not yet, or anymore one of those things completely. Every kid goes at there own pace of learning. (parents too!:)) As always in my life, keeping calm, and carrying on, is always the best way to go.

Here's hoping tomorrow, is smoother sailing, and that this mama, is able to remember to take deep breaths, enjoy the moments, the little things, and even the other stuff in between, because this too shall pass. Soon, three will be a distant memory, and I may even have moments I wish I could have it back!

Thanks for the advise Krista, you're totally right!

what is going on???

Seriously. I think I am having a mommy melt down. I just don't get it... I have two little girls and I feel like I live in a dramatic, emotional, roller coaster. Ups - Downs - and in betweens.

Drama began first thing this morning. Tears, fights, upset, and emotion, right off the bat. I had this looming feeling come over. I know what it means when mornings start off this way. It means it's gonna be a long day.

Add to the morning drama swim lessons, and you have yourself a full blown catastrophe! I saw it coming before we ever even left home.

Bella's lessons are first, then a short break, and then Meritt's. Today, we didn't even make it to Meritt's lessons, because she threw a fit the whole time Bella was in her lesson. Three time outs, some yelling about my disappointment, and several tantrums later, I decided, we were heading home. NAP TIME... early. Not, sure what else to do. I can't get Meritt to act the way she and I know she should act, when out in public, and it frustrates the heck out of me. She's a good kid... I think I'm a good mom. Maybe I'm not as consistent as I should be, I don't know... It's hard. I haven't figured out how to effectively figure out what her currency is. I try not to compare myself against other parents, I try not to compare Meritt to other kids, but I don't see other people around us having the same ongoing battle that we are having.

How do you handle, a totally strong willed, headstrong, busy kid, that has no desire to grow up? She is totally fine being a baby forever, but I don't want a baby forever. I want her to grow, and learn, and blossom into the beautiful girl I know she has the potential to be. How do I get her there without a full blown melt down myself? Advise gladly taken!

crying monkey tears...

No, I didn't get the saying wrong... I know it's usually crocodile tears, but this week, it's Monkey tears. Monday, the girls started swim lessons. It was on our list of things to do before the end of summer... and well, since summer is almost over, I decided we best get at it. This is the third summer Bella has taken lessons, she has done awesome. She loves to swim, and I swear would live in the water if we let her, or we had water close by that she could be in 24/7. But, Meritt on the other hand, is having a bit of a melt down, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. She is usually my fearless kid that doesn't hesitate, is never shy, and is almost always eager to try new things. (especially fun things) Well, let's just say it's not the case with the swimming lessons. I'm not sure who I feel worst for, the swim instructor, Meritt, or me.

The first day started fine, but just about the time I assumed it was smooth sailing, I had a wet 3 year old running towards me, filled to the brim with tears. The second day it took some convincing, but things went pretty well. Today, she wouldn't get in the pool, and when she was taken into the pool she was screaming so loud the whole neighborhood could hear her.

I wasn't sure what to do. It was one of those moments you are unsure whether you should go save your kid from her own misery, or want to punish her for acting so terribly.

In the end, I saved my kid, and decided we'd try again tomorrow. All I can hope is that tomorrow will be a better day. I wish I had a magic pill, or a book, or a manual, or a something to tell me how to deal in toddler logic. How do you get past these things? How do you deal with them? How do you get your kids to open themselves up to all of the wonders and possibilities there can be out in this great big world?

If you are lucky enough to know the answer to that question, or if for some stroke of luck you have above mentioned magic pill, manual, or what have you that might help... I would just love it!

tested...

Sorry folks, I need to vent.
My girl Meritt has tested me to no end today. Okay, maybe the last three days?!
Want to hear how my morning started???
Pretty normally actually.
Woke Up, got Bella ready for school, ate some oatmeal, drank my big "good morning" mug full of hot steamy coffee... Matt was going in late this morning to work due to having to work late, so after we got Bella off to school we were visiting. We asked Meritt to go play. She went up stairs. There were a few thuds and thunks from upstairs. I called up the stairs and said "Meritt, what are you doing?" She called down that she was "playing with the hoseys".
Woo Hoo...
Quiet to enjoy my coffee. visit with my honey, and ease into the day.
WRONG.

A few minutes later here comes Meritt downstairs covered in paint.
I said "Meritt Rose, what have you done?"
She replied... "Me paintin the hoseys"
Where were you painting Meritt???
"Bell-ya's Room"
Meritt you know we don't paint upstairs do we?
"No, we paint at the table"
Right, so why did you paint upstairs in Bella's room?
"Me don't know"
"Me like it"
Did you get paint on anything you weren't supposed to?
"Yup"
What?
"I don't know how to say it"
Where did you paint at in Bella's room, the desk...
"No, Bell-ya's rug"

I'm thinking that after last weeks green crayon in the dryer with my cream colored slipcovers, and the paint I have been cleaning off of Bella's Wool rug... I should seriously consider going into some kind of stain removal business.

Three is hard.
It doesn't end there though.
Later in the day, while at the shop working with a sales rep in the back room, guess what girl, while pretending to ride "hoseys" knocked over a whole rounder of clothing?

Yup, you guessed correctly it was Meritt.
It didn't get much better after that. Sorry to say.
Good thing I love her.
Because otherwise... God help her, she would be sent far far away.

I'm tired.
Feeling a bit beat down.
It's exhausting to take her anywhere, with anybody, ever...
But, it's far too depressing to stay home all the time, so I just keep pressing on.
I told my friend today, that God doesn't give us more than we can handle.
That's true right?

6 going on 16...

{THERE IS A NOTE OF WARNING ATTACHED TO THIS POSTING... IF ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WOULD LIKE TO READ MORE OF THESE FUNNY LITTLE STORIES, NEVER SAY A WORD TO BELLA THAT I WROTE THIS - LET'S JUST HOPE SHE DOESN'T READ IT!!!}

I am honestly risking life and limb here to share this with you all but, it was pretty funny & cute, and what's a mom to do but share it??? So, there's a boy in B's class that she has her eye on, I'm not going to name any names... Anyway, last week she came home all with her feathers in a ruffle, because this un-named boy cut his hair into a Mohawk. Apparently he didn't run this decision by her before he made it cause she was all upset. Anyway, I was dropping her off one morning this week, and noticed un-named boy (due to the new hair do). So later after school, I said, I saw "un-named boys" Mohawk today, I think he looks pretty darn cute! She replied by saying... "ya, he's cute, but soooooo annoying." I replied by saying, you'll find that you'll feel that way about boys for the rest of your life. Take your dad for instance I said, he's cute... and she replied by saying "and totally annoying!" See I said, some things never change, no matter how old you get. I said, you'll know you find Mr. Right when he's more cute than annoying... (that's the theory anyway!)

Oh, boy... if she's like this at 6, what is life gonna be like when she's 16???
I'm in for it folks, and I know it!

my weekend...

Saturday, we woke up with vigor and energy. Got up and got stuff DONE! It was a gorgeous day!!! Oh, my what a sunshine filled day does for an Oregonian in February. We got house work done, yard work done, a few errands done, party stuff accomplished (made 10 monkey puppets). Things were feeling pretty good. Bella was still weak, but feeling better. She told me, "it would be a waste not to enjoy such a pretty day, just cause I don't feel all better!" -funny how much sense kiddos can make sometimes, huh?

Got the girls to bed Saturday, after their pony movie. Ah, time to cuddle in bed and watch our own movie! Seemed like a good reward for all that we had accomplished. About a half hour into our movie. Screaming was heard from upstairs. As Matt got up to go see what was wrong, I said "Oh, please tell me this isn't round 2". We had just spent the whole day cleaning vomit out of every nook and cranny. I wasn't sure I was up for more.

Just about that time Matt came down with his arms out stretched, with a vomit covered baby girl. Oh no, mad number 2 down. Into the bath she went. Got her cleaned up, re-dressed in clean Pj's. and a nights worth of supplies ready. We made her a nest on the floor next to our bed. We were prepared for a long night... or were we? About 9 as I was holding Meritt on the bathroom floor with a bucket in my lap. Matt was hunkered over the porcelain god. By 11, I was joining them. 2 very sick parents, 1 very sick baby girl, 1 recovering kiddo sound asleep. At one point Matt and I looked at each other, and said what are we gonna do??? Every time we moved we threw up. Our girl needed us. We were in full blown flu mode. IT WAS UGLY. VERY UGLY.

Sunday was spent in bed. Bella was in charge, how scary is that? She took really good care of us. I'm afraid, we weren't doing quite as well. At 7:15 last night she said, what are you going to feed me for dinner? Oh, no, dinner, I totally forgot about dinner... I know, we're terrible.

Got the girls to bed, and then we slept ourselves. For a long time. Now it's 9:30 Monday morning. Matt's home from work (THAT NEVER HAPPENS), Bella's home from school, Meritt is crabby, and I'm still in bed... 9:30, and I can't wait for nap time! Please let this be over soon. We have a birthday party in 4 days.

my day...

The constant noise of lawn mowers outside my windows hasn't quit all day long. The sounds have just come from different directions. That must mean there is sunshine outside. Haven't actually gotten to experience it for myself. You see my Bella is sick. Started at about midnight, and she continued to throw up all night until there was nothing left. Poor girl. It breaks a mama's heart not to be able to help. What a daddy she has though. He sat by her side all night, forgoing sleep himself, to comfort her, even though he had to be to work early this morning.

The house is insanely quiet as I type this. The only noise is that of the music playing from my ipod and the click of the keys of my computer. My two babies, sound asleep for quite a stretch of time now... it's strange. There are days I long for the sound of quiet. Not at this price though. Now I wish for the sounds of laughter and giggles, and pony noises as we walk (gallop) out in the beautiful sunshine. Oh, what a mean trick. A beautiful sunshiney 60 degree day in February, and we can't even enjoy it. Nervousness washes over me. Who will be next in our house??? I've already received an email that Bella's girlfriend got sent home sick, after she vomited at school. So much for my hope that it might just be food poisoning... no sir, no luck, I'm afraid it's the flu.

sibling love & sibling hate

I am in a bit of a pickle you might say. I am at one of those crossroads of parenthood that we often find ourselves at, and I am left here wondering what to do?!!

Let me explain, you see lately my girls have been at each other non-stop. Picking, fighting, crying, screaming, knock out drag out - head to head combat. I understand that this is just part of being siblings, but it's beginning to make me go crazy... I mean seriously insane in the membrane!!!

What's a mom to do? Do you let them figure it out on their own? Or do you keep having that repeated talk over and over, and over again? You know the talk... well, you do if you have kids. It goes something like this; it is not nice to hit, we don't talk to anyone that way, do on to others as you would want done onto you. You know that talk... every mother has had it. More than she wants. Does it really work?

If they were kittens I'd smear tuna fish oil all over them and throw them in a box until they loved each other. But, I'm a thinking that would not work here in this situation. What do you think? But, if this problem doesn't get better soon, I'm not ruling this out entirely as a possibility!

My next perplexing question is this; how can the same two kids that have fought hard and mighty all day, still stop in the middle of our walk this afternoon just to give hugs and kisses? How does that work? How can they be so loving one moment, just to turn around and love on each other as if they were the best of friends? I don't have a sister, so maybe I just don't get it, but how does this happen? Not that I am complaining about these loving moments, I just want to know how to get MORE of them! Any ideas???

I could cry...

I could cry... big ol` crocodile tears right now, but I won't. Had to take the girls and myself a little while ago to the Doctors office for flu shots. I have been dreading it all week. What a way to finish out my 7 days of being a single mama. Yuck.

Now me myself am not afraid of needles. I'm not afraid of shots, there isn't much that even makes me queasy. But, listening to my six year old scream with all of her might as tears flowed from her eyes... just about did me in! To say she is afraid of a shot is a bit of an understatement...
It took 3 adults to hold her down. I don't think I will ever forget her eyes. Over and over she kept screaming "no mama, don't let them hurt me".

Honestly, that was one of the worst things I've ever had to do.
Even though I know it was what was best.
Doesn't make it hurt any less.
Everyone is fine now... except for me, I'm still shaking.
The girls are drinking their reward; Oreo milkshakes - while watching Charlie Brown's Great Pumpkin. Wish someone would give me a treat, or at least a hug!

Matt will be home in 3 hours and 15 minutes or so... but who's counting?
Maybe I'll get a hug then!

"By all these lovely tokens

September days are here,

With summer’s best of weather

And autumn’s best of cheer."

- Helen Hunt Jackson, September, 1830-1885

Can hardly believe that September is here... do you know what that means? In one week I will have a first grader. Oh, my. Be still my heart. When did she grow so big? When did summer fade? How does this time of year always go so fast? There's few more days of summer, and then we're back at the routine of school. It's going to be very weird for a while without Miss B. here all day. I wonder if Meritt and I will be lost for a while, or fall right into our own routine?

It's been a while since I've "blogged". Life seems to get so busy this time of year. Maybe Meritt and my new fall routine will let me blog a little more often. For now, there is 3 more days of swimming lessons, a shop to fill with pretty fall things, a three day weekend to enjoy, a garage sale to prepare for, a house to clean, a garden to tend to, and a kiddo to get ready for her first day in the 1st grade. Oh, my. Oh, my. That's all I can say!

the escape artist...

As I said in yesterday's post, Meritt has discovered how to climb out of her crib. So, we are faced with a bit of a dilemma... and the dilemma is what do we do now? There is no way she would stay in a real bed either, although that would be the logical next step. Last night was a rough night at our house. Two and a half hours of Meritt jumping ship to then be brought back, to then repeat the process all over again. We've tried yelling, a swat, & time-outs; fear tactics seem to have no impact what so ever. Honestly I think all she wanted was to cuddle. She wanted mama. Which made me sad, and still leaves me feeling a bit like a failure the morning after. I felt like if I gave in and cuddled and loved on her that I would be giving in to her behavior. I don't want to make this stage any harder than it needs to be by doing the wrong thing. My question today is... what is the right discipline in this situation? The even bigger question is how do you effectively discipline a two year old?

Meritt is so different than Bella was at this age, I almost feel like I'm starting the learning process all over again. Bella was a scardy cat. Meritt a dare devil. Bella was a drama queen, much more emotionally trying. She was and is stubborn, and wants to be in control. Meritt, on the other hand doesn't seem to be as emotionally trying, she is physically trying. She also tugs on my heart strings, because she just wants to love you. She wants cuddles, and rocking, and singing to. She has always gone to bed like a dream, she hasn't always stayed that way, but she has always gone to bed easily. (for the most part)

I just don't know what to do. I am tired. I know this too shall pass and it won't last forever. I just want so badly to find the balance between breaking her spirit and babying her. Because although she is still my baby... she isn't really a baby anymore, it's time for her to learn how to be a big kid. That's our job, to make independent kids who turn into independent people.