missing her...

It's funny how you can miss someone so much in the smallest of moments...
Just wishing that you could spend just one more minute, or have just one more conversation.

I haven't cried since her funeral.
It was hard to feel sad for myself when I know she is in such a better place.

But, tonight as quietness creeps around me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, and my heart aches because I'm missing her.



Do you ever wish for one reason or another you could go back to the days of your childhood?
Sometimes I must admit it sounds nice.
Especially if I could just spend one more day with her.
She was the best.
She was the most fun, the most loving, best grandma in the entire world.
She ALWAYS had time for me.
She made me part of her everyday life, and in doing that she'll never know how much she gave me.

Most people are too busy to slow down long enough to savor those who are around them. I'm not sure if she did this her whole life, but when I was around, I never felt anything was more important than the time she spent with me.

She included me.
She made traditions with me.
She traveled with me.
She took me to church, and memorized bible verses with me.
She colored pictures with me.
She played games with me.
She played outside with me.
She accepted me, and all of my creative messes that came along with me.
She listened to me.

When I came to her hurt, she would kiss the pain away.
When I came to her scared, she would scoop me up, and cuddle me in her rocking chair.
When I needed advice, she was always quick to listen and slow to judge.



I am not sad that she's in heaven, I am happy she is finally back to that old person I remember so fondly. But, I must admit, I miss her like crazy, and I am pretty sure that I will everyday until I see her again. She's irreplaceable... one of a kind.

There is a piece of me missing without her.
I'm just not sure how else to put it.