filled with Gratitude...

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

wishing you peace and love at Christmas!

sigh of relief...

Last week about this time, I had heard all of the stressful and distressful news that I could take. I felt like there was way too much on my plate, and I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I was in a thrashing ocean, just trying to keep my head above the waves long enough to get some air.

In the last few days I've felt this wave of breath come back into me... and I know exactly where it's coming from. It's Jesus.

He's been softly nudging me, comforting me, to relax and trust, to listen, and be quiet. To know that he is always there. That he will truly never give me more than he knows I'm capable of handling. Even if and when I'm not sure that I can handle what he has given me.

I am here to tell you. If you are struggling, feeling alone, or overwhelmed, lost, or afraid of what's to come... that he is ALWAYS there. For me, and for you. Put your hand in his, and follow close to his side, and you will be just fine! Thankfully, so will I!

pugs & chocolate kisses...

Happiness in our house, is today...
A Tuesday when everybody is at home, no work, no school.
Little girls that are getting along, and being sweet as chocolate kisses to one another.
A few days until Christmas, and all the must do's are done! So, now it's time to enjoy... each other, and all the magic and happiness that this time of year can bring!

Happy Tuesday everyone!
Hope your day is full of lots of pugs and chocolate kisses!

she's got style, galore!

I love that Matt thinks to capture the everyday cute, funny, silly, memorable things that the girls do! These pictures are straight out of Matt's phone, and they plain old make me smile! How about you?

Almost every day Meritt graces us with one of her fashion ensembles...
She is always so proud of herself.
I love how she is able to show her big old personality, just by showing her style!
There is not one single thing about this girl that is boring. She is oozing personality. Her goofy ways make you totally fall in love with her.

This is some creativity isn't it???!!!

keep her little...

As a mother there are times when all we want to do is protect our kids... Keep them little, innocent, sweet, unchanged. Keep them from getting hurt, or "labeled". And as a mother when you feel like there is a possibility of something causing them harm it is hard to know exactly what to do.

I've mentioned here before that we are needing to put Meritt into some special therapy for some speech delays she is having. We are in the process of going through the screenings and evaluations needed to place her in the correct therapy that she will need. Yesterday as we were being evaluated... (not the most comfortable thing to be evaluated) the dreaded question came about whether or not she sucks her thumb or has a binky. I fessed up. I told her that she has been a binky baby turned binky kid, and that we are working on getting rid of it all together, but she still has it when she's sleeping. So, I got to hear what I already knew... which is how BAD and TERRIBLE it is to let a child keep his or her binky longer than 12 months, and how hurtful that can be to his or her speech development. I get it... I really do. The next part she said is were she lost me... she told me that if she has anything (aka -a blanket or toy) that she associates with the binky that it also needs to go at the same time. So, I am supposed to take her binky and her softie, her security objects. Gulp.

As I sat in that seat, I got hot, and also felt tears well up. She could see my discomfort. She says to me, 'this whole process is a whole lot harder on parents than kids'. But, what I wanted to say was... but, you don't even know MY kid, how do you know if this isn't going to be hard on her? What I said instead was, that nothing is easy with Meritt. (and it isn't) (not an excuse, but just a simple truth) I told her that since working on the changes with no night time diapers, and no crib, she isn't sleeping. Not only isn't she sleeping, but she isn't staying in her bed. One night she managed to stay awake until 4am. The next night, she went to sleep OK, but was up at 2am. Every night (almost) has been a different version of this. How do I also take her security items away, when she obviously is having issues that we can't seem to fix? (but, are working towards) Well, I was told that she wasn't aware that Meritt had 'so many issues' besides just speech, and that she thought it would be best to schedule another time when we could speak privately about what needs to be done about all of Meritt's 'issues'. Ouch.

I don't want it to sound like this woman isn't nice. Because she is. Really nice, and great at what she does, but she doesn't know my kid (yet). It's hard to hear things sometimes when there really isn't any easy answers. It's always so much easier to look at someone elses problems or life from the outside, and think the solution to their problem(s) is easy if only they would just do it... I don't like the label that is being put on my girl right now. I feel like her 'issues' or 'problems' are going to overshadow her amazing gifts. That she is going to get lost in the shuffle of being 'fixed' and get hurt in the process.

I don't think words can even express how much I want Meritt to get all of the help and therapy she needs to be a success in all that lies ahead of her. But, she's only 3 and a half years old. Sometimes little kids have adjustment problems. Sometimes kids just need a safe and loving place to grow their roots, so they can find their wings.

Now, I am just rambling, and I've probably lost half of you out there reading this a long time ago, but here I am, a mama whose heart is breaking for her girl. I am hoping and praying that I will have the strength to listen to MY instincts, and the faith to keep it in GODS strong, capable hands, in hopes that my little girl will never lose her sparkly eyes, hopeful spirit, and joyful soul!

Please keep us in your prayers right now, we need it!

Storybook Land...

This evening we visited a place I've been visiting since I was a little girl...
A 34 year old tradition in our community, called Storybook Land.

For kids it is absolutely enchanting!
To hear the laughter, and squeals of delight.
To see the smiles from ear to ear.
To feel the happiness they were feeling.
It reminds me, about the magic that this season holds!

the stockings were hung by the chiminey with care...

All decorated! Check.
Now, I just need to get a bunch of things done and ready to hit the post office...
Wrapping...
Baking...
and other festive merriment's...
and we'll be all ready!

yesterday...

Thanks to my husband, and a bit of decoration, tree hunting, charlie brown, and some Christmas tunes, I'm glad to say, I'm beginning to feel a lot more in the spirit!

today...

today... I am praying for patience.
because I feel I have none.

Meritt, is being a real pill this week.
It is so trying.
It is so exhausting.
I am out of ideas of how to make her behave.
I love her with all of my heart, but I'm tired.

It's the 11th day of December.
The to-do lists are piling up around my ears...
yet, here I lay in bed typing this...
lacking motivation. BIG TIME!

So, I'm going to say a little prayer. (or maybe a big one!)
Go get in a bubble bath, and hope that my inspiration, and motivation will come.
Today is the day to...
decorate my house for Christmas
get a Christmas tree
get some projects done
check things off the to-do list

then maybe I will relax a little!
anyone else out there feeling the same sorts of things?

eight days later...

Eight days after the diaper fairy came to our house, and several laxatives, a doctors call, many tears, and a thousand trips to the toilet... I am happy to announce we have a happy pooper named Meritt!

She now goes to the toilet a thousand times a day 'just to see' if she needs to poop. She has also let us (and everyone she knows) that she (in her words) 'loves to poop!' It's hilarious, and never fails to make me laugh, every time she says it! We've come FULL CIRCLE. From devastatingly fearful of pooping on the potty, to elated. Who knew...

It has been an exhausting ride, especially since it came on the same weekend we moved my grandma to a foster care home, and the same weekend Bella came down with a stomach bug, but it's DONE! I now feel like I could use to sleep for the next week (and I might!). But, I am so glad to be officially out of diapers at our house! So, so glad I could do a happy dance! (if I had the energy!) We still don't have a Christmas tree, or a wreath, or any kind of Christmas decorations in our home. We still have turkey's and pumpkins decorating the house, but oh well... There are several big things checked off my list, and that is worth more than a thousand Christmas trees in my book! I can now check off my Christmas list to Santa - get Meritt to poop in the potty! That may be the best gift I've received in a while! :)

no one said this growing up stuff was easy...

I am finding that growing up is hard. It's hard for me, and it's hard for my little Rosie too! There are those of us that are born to grow up, and then those of us that have no desire at all. Meritt Rose is one of those kids that has no desire to grow up. I am pretty sure that she would be happy being a baby forever... and while I'd like to keep her that way for as long as possible, it's time for us both to face facts and realize it's time!

Meritt's daddy and I have struggled alot with how to handle her lack of desire to grow up. We've tried to lay down the law. We've tried letting her be, so that she could go at her own pace. We've tried incentives. We've tried talking... and talking... and talking... about how fun it is to be a 'big kid'. Nothing seems to work. Here we are two months away from her 4Th birthday, and we're facing giving up things that should have been long gone by now. A crib. The Binky. Nighttime diapers. Hard stuff for a little one who wants none of it!

We started with getting rid of the crib. We had tried about 6-9 months ago, putting her big girl bed in her room, and her crib right beside. Hoping when given the choice between a big girl bed and a crib she would choose the bed. No luck, so after months of trying to let it be her idea, a few weeks ago, we made a trip to Ikea. A special trip to Ikea, to buy a big girl bed. (a bit smaller and more sized to her than the previous one) We also purchased her very own CD player (just like big sis) in hopes that listening to music (one of her favorite things) would help soothe the transition. So far, besides getting her to stay in her bed at bedtime, it is going well. We had a few nights of her getting up, and she is up really early... but nap time is going smooth (when I'm home) and she is sleeping without freaking out, which is a plus!

Since finding out about her speech issues, I have made it my personal mission to absolutely put my foot down about the Binky... Oh, boy this one has been hard!
She still gets it, but only at nap and bedtime. The minute she wakes up it goes high on the shelf. (unfortunately because she's part monkey, she has figured out how to climb to get it) So, now I am looking for a new hiding place! Yes, I know I should have taken it away a LONG time ago. I know I am probably a terrible mother. I know that this whole speech issue could be completely my fault. But, in the heat of the battle raising a possibly harder than usual baby and toddler, you do what you got to do. There I said it...

Last January I made it my mission to get Meritt potty trained before she turned 3. (since we had been trying since two and she wanted NOTHING to do with it) We spent about a week maybe a week and a half working on it, and she did really good... except for one little thing. She absolutely REFUSED to poop on the potty. At first she pooped her big girl panties, then with time, she realized if she held it until nap or bed, she could do it in a pull-up and then get changed. Well, of course we tried to nip it in the bud by taking the pull-ups away, but that just led to bigger issues. The bigger issue being she held it for TEN LONG DAYS... until finally her misery and ours led to us giving her a pull up. After talking to MANY people, the advise was, she'll do it when she's ready. Well, that was almost a year ago... and she still isn't choosing to do it on her own. So, here we go, trying this good-bye diapers/pull-ups deal all over again. It's definitely easier now that she's in a bed and not a crib. She has stayed dry now for nap and bed time for 3 almost 4 days. Only problem, we're on day 3 almost 4 of no pooping. I'm sticking to my guns this time. The diaper fairy has come, she's run out of money for diapers, and her SHIP HAS SAILED!!! So now the question is how long can she go? How ugly will this get... and why does this growing up thing have to be so hard on all of us? I am really ready for this stage of our lives to be OVER!

holy germs batman...

Clearly a germ-a-phobic person such as myself should not be raising a three year old girl named Meritt, that just happens to have a cold.

This kid does not get how germs are spread... and once again God is S T R E T C H I N G ME!!! But, the stories are funny none the less, so I thought I would share so you could laugh at my misery.

Yesterday as I was in the bathtub, I asked Meritt to brush her teeth. As in anything I give her directions to do, she didn't do what I asked. Instead she grabbed MY tooth brush. I immediately said 'Meritt please don't touch my tooth brush, you're sick and that's how we spread germs'... she says, 'Okay, Mama'. Good deal! Or not... The next thing I know (as I am washing my hair - eyes closed) I open my eyes to see Meritt standing over me, with my tooth brush pressed up against her snotty little nose, telling me that my tooth brush smells, Soooo minty and good. AWESOME. YUCK. YUCK. YUCKITY YUCK! So, I do what any good germ-a-phobic person would do, I sanitized it with Clorox, and then put it in the dishwasher on sanitize mode. Matt comes home later and says, why is your tooth brush in the dishwasher, I just shake my head and say, don't ask!

While at the Dollar Tree finding some little stuff, Meritt sneezes... you know the kind.... the snot flying everywhere kind. The there's so much snot what do we do kind. I go to get the tissues or the boogie wipes from my purse to clean her up, hmmm well guess who went through my purse and took them out??? Yup, you guessed it, the same little 3 year old that is standing in front of me with snot EVERY WHERE! So, what's a mom to do? I get the Target ad out of my purse and proceed to try and clean her up with that. Except there's too much. I then tell her, to use her sleeve, and that we're out of there. The lady shopping next to us in the card isle that is trying not to be obviously watching, just looks at me with horror on her face, grasps her cart, and gets the heck away from us! Ohhh yes, I am definitely going to get the mother of the year award this year!!!

So, now I have two kids with colds, a dad who is home sick, a husband with swollen glands, and me with a scratchy throat. Can anyone just keep their grubby germs to themselves??? I DON'T LIKE to SHARE......... GERMS. Maybe I should ask Santa for a has mat suit for Christmas! Ha - it probably still wouldn't work. Darn kids;) What's a Mama to do?