Someday I hope you read this letter, and understand your mother's heart. Because today I'm afraid you don't. In the midst of disciplining you the other day, you looked me square in the eyes and told me you would never forgive me as long as you live. The parent in me, thought to myself that it's okay if you don't forgive me. I knew I was doing what was best for you. The mother in me, the part of me that has loved you since the moment you were conceived, wanted to squeeze you tightly in my arms, and tell you that if you knew how much I loved you... how I was teaching you in love, that you would never be able to hold anger in your heart against me.
You are growing up far too fast my sweet girl. I want you to know (someday) that everyday, I wake up and pray that I will be, and can be, the best Mama I can be for you. I pray that you will one day love the lord, that you will achieve your greatness in life (whatever that may be), and that you will grow to be all of the things you were meant to be. I hope that you always live your life with bigger faith than fear.
Mostly, on days like today when I fear that someday you may wonder why I made you learn certain lessons, certain ways, that you will know that I always made my decisions based on love and faith. Being your mom, is the greatest, and hardest job I have ever had. Somedays I wonder if I am adequately made for such a important and huge job. Then, when I look into your big brown eyes I always know, this was what I was meant to be.
I hope someday, you will understand that part of loving you is teaching you. There will be many more lessons to learn my love, and we will learn them together I'm sure! I want you to know, there will never be a day, no matter how old you get, that I don't lay you down on the feet of Jesus in prayer. I love you with all that I am.
(today, this is the song that I listen to over and over...)