As, I enter into this new year, I have been giving some thought to what I want out of this year. Here is what I think I have discovered... I don't have any desire this year to make a resolution, they just never stick for me. So, instead I have decided to look at this year in a larger scale of what I would like to be in this new year, what I want to accomplish in this new year, and what I want to learn in this new year.
At the start of 2008, I made a resolution to find the balance in my life, and most of 2008 I struggled constantly with trying to find that balance. I was trying to wear too many hats, and be too much to too many, and it took me most of 2008, to realize it is impossible to be everything to everyone, and do and be everywhere at once. By the end of the year, I think I may have just started to find some balance. In December, I made a hard decision to not be in the shop as much as I had been. My kids were suffering, I was suffering, my husband was suffering, my mom was suffering, my employees were suffering, and our business was suffering. I am still doing as much work as I can from my handy lap top at home, and I am still going on buying trips, meeting with sales reps, and continuing to do the displays. But, as far as the day in and day out of physically being there, I had to make a choice. The choice, while hard to make in the moment... was easy in the respect of choosing between work and family. A reality hit me, that my kids are only small for a moment, and they need me. Not a little bit of me, not a scattered me, not a stressed out me, but a whole, and happy me! I now, can work around them, if I have things to do, I can do them while they nap in the afternoon, or late at night while they sleep if I need to. I can now keep life in some kind of order, and most importantly give quality time to my precious girls. I have waited my whole life to me a mommy. It's all I can ever really remember wanting to be (not that I don't or haven't had other dreams along the way). But, as I stood back and took a hard look at my life, as wonderful as it was, I wasn't enjoying it. Most of that was because I felt so guilty that I wasn't being the mommy that I wanted to be. I wanted to have time to read to my kids, play with my kids, color with my kids, take adventures with my kids, walk hand in hand with my kids, and now I have the time and energy to do all of these things!
So, as I enter 2009, I go into this year with a different feeling than I went into 2008 with. I go into it feeling blessed, realizing this life is no dress rehearsal. Change is scary, but change is the only sure thing there is in life. Without change, you can never keep moving forward. I want to keep moving forward, because I know that there are amazing things out there waiting. This is my last year of my twenties, and boy what a decade it has been. In the last 10 years, I have started a new business, married the love of my life, had two pregnancies, given birth to the two most amazing people in the world, bought and remodeled two houses, and many other things in between all of those things. The point... all of this has been scary, not one of those things has come easy or without fear, tears, or stepping out on faith, but without those things I wouldn't be who am today.
For this new year, I want to focus on my girls, on being the mom I have always wanted to be. I want to spend more quality time with family and friends. I want to learn to push myself past my comfort zones, to learn to be more than I was the day before, and the day before that. I want to love with my whole heart, do things that don't always feel comfortable, be unafraid to change, and make changes. Listen to where God is leading me. Be more concerned with others than myself. Think everyday what I can do, and learn, to become the person that God has designed me to be. To never forget how blessed I am, and how lucky I am to have the gifts in life that I have. To be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better sister, and a better friend. To dedicate myself to being better as a person, and listening more... to realizing there is no such thing as perfect. And even if there was such a thing as perfect, that I wouldn't want to be perfect anyway! So, cheers to a wonderful year full of changes... possibility... and realizing our gifts along the way.
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