Bella's little Rose

not alone...

2012-01-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

what faith can do...

2012-01-01T11:46:00.001-08:00

Prayers appreciated.

Merry and Bright...

2011-12-24T07:10:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas

From our Family to yours!

imperfect...

2011-12-22T22:43:00.000-08:00

I am close to my 32nd birthday...

I have stretch marks...

I have a gut that doesn't want to go away, although I don't really try...

I say words that hurt unintentionally...

I yell at my kids when I don't want to...

I am at times highly O.C.D. ...

I have no filter...

I can't do it all...

I never have enough hours in a day, or a week, or a month, or a year...

I would have more babies in a heartbeat if it was meant to be for me...

I am addicted to tea...

I am sensitive...

I am a people pleaser...

I at times worry more about what makes others happy than what makes me happy...

My written words are sometimes misinterpreted, misunderstood, taken in a way they were never intended.

This blog is a place to be me. To share my truth. To share my life. To share my heart. To share myself. I have a lot of faults. I am in no way perfect. I am okay with my imperfections. It's taken me pretty close to my whole 32 years to say, I love who am - being imperfect, is perfect, because I am me. God loves me. God made me. God even forgives me, when I say something hurtful, that I didn't intend to hurt. When I yell at my kids when I should be loving them. When I don't have enough time to do everything for everybody. When I drink more tea than water. When I am too sensitive. When I have to have my house just so, or things organized in a way that life doesn't feel out of control.

HE LOVES ME.

I write this blog, because it's my place to share HIS love.

At times, when I've written something that gets misinterpreted, misunderstood, or is taken as hurtful; the people pleaser in me, wants to shut Bella's little Rose down forever. But I won't..... because I have a job to do here. That job is to tell you, that He love you too! Even when you feel totally imperfect, far from lovable, and totally misunderstood, crazed, and overwhelmed by life.

In this season, of the greatest gift the world has ever known, let's reflect. Reflect on how great His love is for us, that he sent us his son to be a common man, to die for our sins, so that we can be forgiven for being such imperfect beings. How awesome, is that gift?!!! How awesome is it that we are loved far greater than we can ever fathom???!!! Far more than we even deserve.

There is magic in my heart tonight.

I am filled, despite my imperfections.

I pray that you are too!

and if not, I pray that maybe you can read my heart in this little message here at Bella's little Rose and know that despite your imperfections, you are loved too!

Christmas Traditions...

2011-12-16T21:48:00.001-08:00

(random photos from our Holiday home! - be prepared for picture overload!)

Buddy, our kitty has decided her loves to snooze under the trees...

He's all like, hey thanks for putting this blanket and water bowl here just for me! :-)

What Christmas would be complete without Charlie Brown and his gang???

Doesn't the Charlie Brown Christmas song just make you smile?

If you asked my girls their favorite traditions,

they would probably tell you they love our Holiday crafting and present making,

and most of all our annual Christmas cookie baking day!
It is so fun to get them involved in the giving.
I love to see them concerned about the spirit of giving, instead of focusing on what Santa will be
bringing only themselves!

This is one of my favorite ornaments...

my teapot. I got her when I was 14 from my Mama!

Isn't she sweet?

No fake trees for this family...

We like to go out and cut our tree(s) - maybe we love it so much because it's just another special tradition?!;-)

Now that the girls are getting a bit older,

this year more than any other, we are really diving into the

real reason we celebrate, and what it really means!

Don't get me wrong, we have always talked about,

and celebrated Jesus' birth, however, now that the girls are 8 and almost 5,

we can really begin to go deeper!

another something fun...

Elf on a Shelf

Have you heard about this???

It's really fun!!!

Every year, since Bella was wee, I have given a tree that the kid's get to decorate.

This year, since we have so many ornaments, due to our ornament exchanging,

and crafting we got a BIG tree for the girls to decorate, all for their very own.

They did such a great job!

Matt and I put the lights on, and then they went for it!

They did great!

Lola and Buddy found a place on the tree!

Lola is quite intrigued by this whole Christmas business since it's her very first Christmas with her real family!

Just a few more days to go...

are you soaking up the fun?

It's almost Christmas time!!!

Have fun making memories, traditions mean so much!

a Christmas alphabet...

2011-12-05T13:16:00.001-08:00

by Bella Reed age 8

A - is for advent calendar
B- is for baby Jesus is born
C - is for Christmas caroling
D - is for Deck the Halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la la la la la la!
E - is for events and elves
F- is for family and friends
G- is for giving instead of getting
H- is for the Holy Spirit
I- is for icy icicles
J- is for Jolly old St. Nick
K- is for kindness
L- is for lights and lots of love
M- is for Merry
N- is for nice & naughty children
O- is for ornament
P- is for present
Q- is for quiet night
R- is for Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
S- is for Santa Clause
T- is for tinsel
U- is for unwrapped
V-is for voices singing
W- is for wishes
X- is for X-mas
Y- is for yuletide treasure
Z- is for zazzling dazzle

not for the squeamish...

2011-11-30T11:58:00.001-08:00

Not only is this what I feel like today, it's what I look like too!
You should have seen the look I got from the preschool teachers today dropping off and picking up Meritt at school.
If I had more energy I would have said, this is what a mom looks like after being up for two nights in a row with the flu going through...

(warning this post is not for the squeamish!)
Thanksgiving night was Meritt.
Night before last was Bella.
Vomit everywhere...
I have a question... why does the flu always hit in the middle of the night?
Why do kids always throw up in their beds?
Awful I tell you.
Like a hurricane of puke hit.
Ah, yes. These are the glamorous moments of life!
Good thing is, the extraordinary love God gives us for our children provides us the strength and fortitude to not only clean up the puke hurricanes, but also hold their hair back while they throw up time after time for 12 hours straight.

If that wasn't glamourous enough... after all of that,
Last night was my turn... luckily, I did not throw up in my bed.
I made it to the porcelain god, thankfully!

So, let's re-cap in the last two weeks: I had a piercing pain in my stomach that ended up being a ruptured ovarian cyst that landed me on bed rest for a few days... then I mustered the energy to put together Thanksgiving dinner for 12. In the middle of the night after Thanksgiving was over and all cleaned up, Meritt awoke to vomit EVERYwhere... she laid on our floor by our bed and vomited all night long. She recovered fairly quickly. We convinced ourselves she must have eaten too much Thanksgiving dinner and dessert, and cleaned up the horror and moved on, praying that it wasn't a virus. Monday night, Bella vomited half asleep & half awake in her bed, got up vomited two more times on the way down to us. Woke us at 1am with vomit dripping from her poor little pathetic shaking body... we put her in the bath, cleaned up the hurricane, made her a bed in the basement, and stayed awake with her cleaning her bowl out every 20 minutes or so while she got sick all night long. By morning, I wasn't sure if I was just exhausted or getting it too, but I made it through the day sanitizing and caring for sick B and bored feeling much better M... by the time Matt got home, I was done. By 8 I was vomiting too, and here we are today... feeling much like that pug eyed face above. Praying that God knows that this is all I can handle for a while.

So, if you feel so inclined, would you pray that this is the end of the sick people in our home?!!!
It's Christmas time. I have a retail store that needs me... and a slew of other things that really need my attention. Please let this be the last day, I look like my pug dog with my hoodie on my head. I can't take anymore!!!

grateful...

2011-11-24T08:45:00.001-08:00

I am so thankful for all of the blessings in my life. My cup truly does run over! I have happy healthy kids, and a great husband. Together we make a family. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of the day I could have my own family. No where in my dreams did I imagine all the blessings that God would provide me. Life is definitely not perfect. But, in the moments when I feel like life is unraveling a bit, I think of those who have real problems. People that don't know where their next meal will come from. People that spend more time in the cold than in warmth. Those who don't have clean water to drink. When I look at life from this perspective, I know how blessed I truly am. It is with a thankful heart today that I will celebrate this Thanksgiving. Happy to have family and friends, good food, and a warm home to celebrate with and in.

My prayer is where ever you are today, that you too have blessing that are great. Happy Thanksgiving! Have a wonderful day full of love, and laughter, and lots of good foods to eat!

warm at my feet...

2011-11-16T20:45:00.001-08:00

On cold, stormy nights like these, I am thankful for having these little creatures, my friends, warm at my feet.

I can't even imagine what my life would be like without my pets.

A lot of people don't understand it...

you know why you'd want so many things to take care of...

but, I can't imagine living without the love that they give.

The day we lost Addie Kat, I came home, and I was so thankful that I had these three to come home to.

I can't even imagine how wrecked I would have been had the house been empty of animal life...

I am thankful for their quiet, unconditional, love and friendship.

My life is better because they are in it.

what's for dinner tonight....

2011-11-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

I saw this last week on someone's blog... don't remember where or who. SO, I went to my trusty best friend Pinterest, and searched for baked chicken spaghetti, and wha-la! The original recipe from the Pioneer Woman. www.thepioneerwoman.com - So, I ran out this evening got the ingredients I didn't have, and it looks like it's gonna be a baked spaghetti kind of night. Yumm-o can't wait!

I love cozy days at home. Especially in the Fall because there is something guilt free about naps, and good cozy comfort foods, and curling up and cuddling with a good book and a dog by your side. That is my idea of a good day!

Happy Friday, hope you are having a lovely start to your weekend!

Kat...

2011-11-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

Today, the planet, our hearts, our home, and our lives lost a sweet soul, and heaven gained an angel. We said good-bye to our sweet girl Addie-kat, known to those who loved her just as 'Kat'. Her name is inspired from Audrey Hepburn's cat in Breakfast at Tiffany's. I just love how Holley Golightly called for her cat... makes me laugh every time I think about it!

Matt and I picked her out of a box of kittens in my neighbors garage the year we graduated from High School. She was with us every step of our lives as he and I. Today after spending 13 years and 8 months loving her, she passed away. She left this earth peacefully holding on to my shoulder... her happy and safe place. I am glad she is no longer in pain... my heart aches for my own loss, and for the loss of Matt, and the girls, but I am thankful for her. No more pain, no more suffering, no more hurting...

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T19:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween

from Harry Potter (herself) and Hedwig his (her) owl!

my fourth and final trip...

2011-10-24T21:31:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday, I had the great pleasure to go on my fourth, an final First Christian Pre-primary, annual pumpkin patch field trip! It was a bittersweet day, because I knew I would never again be a mom to a preschooler, and go on one of these fabulous fall outings!

First off the kids got to play for a bit on the hay fort...

Then off to line up wash hands, and get ready for a snack!

This is Meritt's little friend Elsa. She is 3 days younger than Meritt. (although she was supposed to be a month older ;)) They were in the hospital nursery together - now look at them all big and four!

I am AMAZED how well the teacher get these 16 spirited little individuals to behave. They lined up nicely for a class photo!

Of course the kids want to see what the picture looks like!

Then finally snack time - homemade cider donuts and fresh pressed cider... YUM! I got a snack too!

Off on the wagon we went to hunt for the perfect pumpkin!

Friends gathered together in the front of the wagon, to ride back to the farm, and say 'see ya later alligator!'
It was the most perfect weather I have ever had on one of these trips... it was great!

hello October... oh and goodbye...

2011-10-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, October has come and almost gone...
I haven't even posted pictures of the girls starting school, or of our yearly pumpkin patch trip. So, this is the post folks to play catch up in photos... Here it goes:

Starting School...

Fall blew in like a breeze (hurricane) that I wasn't expecting and blew me right on over... September began the school year. Here is Miss Bella starting her 3rd grade year of school. I was allowed one photo (no more) it happens to be blurry, but I was also reminded that we get what we get and we don't get upset... (so there ya have it!)

Unlike her sister, Meritt Rose was more than happy to ham it up for the camera! Starting your second year of preschool is BIG business don't you know.

What a cheese ball... take another picture Mama. I'm going to soak that up as long as I get it! Because apparently in 4 more years you will be too cool for me! :)

Meritt is indeed having roaring fun in the 4 day 4's. She is doing so well. If you would have told me a year ago, what a year could bring, I would have told you that you were CrAzY! She is making friends, she is excited each and every day about school, and she loves both of her new teachers...

Seriously, look at that smile - could she be any more excited? This was her first official day without mom (the first day is a short meet and greet with Mama's by their sides!)

She requested I take her in, and we got there, and I got a --- bye mom, see ya later...
(a bit different than a year ago...!)

Each day I pick her up, I love hearing all the stories. What fun to be four years old!

The Pumpkin Patch...

Something we do every year, is go out to the pumpkin patch...

This year I put my big girl (mama) panties on and took the kiddos by myself out to my hometown, for some good old fashioned fall fun!

There were piggies to pet (okay watch sleep)

Goats to feed...

Meritt loved this part a lot... she made friends with the boys (as she called them)!

We took a hay wagon (tractor) ride through the corn to the pumpkin patch...

What a beautiful day we got. What a lovely place.... sometimes I miss the country and itty bitty city I came from!

tromped through the field to check things out...

Smiles were all around...

I said hello to the egg laying chickies...

Then we found a Daddy pumpkin, a Mama pumpkin, a Bella pumpkin, a Meritt pumpkin, and 4 small animal pumpkins... our porch is filled!

Can you believe September and October have come and almost gone already??? I'm in a bit of disbelief!

reading...

2011-10-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

I've shared here a bit that I have been struggling with one of my kids, and that it has been affecting our entire household immensely. Last week was sort of my bottom. Couldn't deal with all of it anymore. By Friday I resorted to leaving home the moment Matt got home from work. I needed out of my house, out of the chaos, I needed to spend some time quiet with God. So, I did. I prayed. I breathed. I at McDonald's french fries (better than going out and doing drugs!) I prayed for peace. I desperately needed that for our home, our family, my soul. I went home that evening, and crawled into bed... got up Saturday and went to work, the next day we went to church as a family. I was still praying for some direction on how to break the terrible cycle we had gotten into.

I had remembered a book I had seen at the Bible book store one day when I was there. I had judged the title, thinking what a horrible name of a book. I still sort of feel that way. It kind of is a terrible name. I didn't want a new kid, I wanted my kid to be the best she could be, and I needed some help to find her inside of her attitude and fits, and temper. I needed help how to not meet her attitude with my own. How to learn how to respond instead of react. (a really hard one for me!)

So, out of my desperation I bought the book. The book I judged, but must have somehow remembered because I went and walked in to the Bible book store and bought it.

I am here to tell you, what a difference a week makes. Whoa. There is peacefulness in our household again. I have taken back the reins... and while everything isn't perfect (let's not be unrealistic here) things are improving beyond my expectations.

Each night Matt and I are reading this, and implementing Dr. Kevin Leman's strategies into our parenting, and our kids are blossoming because of it.

I just wanted to share this with you. Maybe you too are having a hard time?! What I love about his book is it's for kids from 2- 30! So helpful, and right to the point. I like that a lot. No beating around the bush. He calls a spade a spade. He starts with the parents, and then we work on the kids. We're working on the relationship with our kids, and for the first time in a while I can honestly say I am enjoying my kids again. I am finding Joy in them. We are laughing, and talking. There is no more yelling... ahhhh, yes I do believe there is PEACE! We still have a few days to go.... I'll keep you posted!

seasons...

2011-10-14T22:56:00.000-07:00

There are so many seasons in life aren't there. Some we can't wait to get through, and others we wish we could savor forever. I happen to be in one of those seasons of life as of late that I just want to get through. I am ready to figure out how to get through this rough phase and move forward...

As a mama, I want to delight in my children. Find JOY in them. Enjoy our days. I want them to look back on their childhoods and remember me as cheerful, gracious, and loving. Some days I am certain they are going to remember me as an impatient, angry, yelling monster.

Lately this is harder said than done.
Ever since school started this year, or maybe two weeks before, it seems like life is in total chaos.
One of my kids has dumped over the apple cart of our family, and it affects the entire mood and vibe of our home. I am finding it incredibly hard to stay consistent, and positive.

The dreams I had of motherhood seem like an absolute joke during these times. It seems as if the only volume of my voice that is heard is when it's at a roar. I am tired. I am feeling broken at this moment. Like I am failing somehow and I am totally unsure how to mend things so that this season doesn't last forever. The job of raising children into grown people is tremendous, and I don't want to screw this up. I want to get past this. I need to. We all do.

Here's the truth... I haven't had anything joyful to share with you lately. I apologize. It's a season of life, and I hope it passes quickly. I have had plans to post back to school photos and other happenings, but keeping up with life is all I can muster, and in the quiet moments, all I want is quiet and peace.

Please pray for PEACE in our family. We are struggling right now. We'll be fine, please don't panic, but we could use your prayer to get our kiddo through this phase of life that is making for a hard season of life for our family!

floating around my head...

2011-10-06T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's pretty late in the afternoon, and I feel spent. It's been a long day. Tears are at the very surface, waiting to pour out at any moment, although I have been doing pretty well today all things considered holding it together. I think! Our sweet Addie-kat had to go to the vet today. I discovered that she had gotten sick all over the basement last night, sometime after I got the girls off to school. I knew with one look at what had happened all over the rug in the night that I no longer could blame age for all her ailments. Off we went, her and I to see what comes next...

We are now waiting... waiting on test results to tell us what to do next. I am pretty sure I know what they are going to tell me, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.

She has been a constant in my life, for the last 13 years, and I'm not sure I would know what to do without her around. Matt and I got Addie the month we graduated from high school. My neighbor Bob had a litter of kittens, and told me as a graduation present that I could pick which ever one I wanted. So, I did. Little ball of fluff we brought her home. First to my house (my dad's allergic) parents were less than thrilled. Then she went to live at Matt's house. There she stayed until we got a place of our own. Then she moved with us for a few more years, like nomads on a journey. We added a pug Emma next, then two daughters, then a boy cat named Buddy that she was less than fond of, and then another dog. None of which she was altogether all that found with. I am pretty sure she would have traded being a nomad forever if only she could stay an only child.

As most things do, it's got me thinking. Pondering, really. Does she know how loved she is? Why did I shoo her off my lap last night when I was busy. Why don't I take more time to enjoy what I have when I have it... Why is life so often like that? Why do we appreciate the things/pets/people in our lives far more once we know what it's like to live without them, or at least the thought??? Why are we humans so that way? Why do we not know instinctively to enjoy things more, to slow down, breath deep and savor moments. It could be our last. Or our loved ones last... kind of a sobering thought.

My piece of advice for the day... Live in the moment. Kiss your loved ones. Enjoy what you have when you have it... it could be gone tomorrow.

Funny how a cat can make you think such deep thoughts huh?
I guess love can do that.
Love comes in many forms... that's for sure!

a letter for someday...

2011-09-20T13:50:00.000-07:00

Dear daughter of mine,
Someday I hope you read this letter, and understand your mother's heart. Because today I'm afraid you don't. In the midst of disciplining you the other day, you looked me square in the eyes and told me you would never forgive me as long as you live. The parent in me, thought to myself that it's okay if you don't forgive me. I knew I was doing what was best for you. The mother in me, the part of me that has loved you since the moment you were conceived, wanted to squeeze you tightly in my arms, and tell you that if you knew how much I loved you... how I was teaching you in love, that you would never be able to hold anger in your heart against me.
You are growing up far too fast my sweet girl. I want you to know (someday) that everyday, I wake up and pray that I will be, and can be, the best Mama I can be for you. I pray that you will one day love the lord, that you will achieve your greatness in life (whatever that may be), and that you will grow to be all of the things you were meant to be. I hope that you always live your life with bigger faith than fear.
Mostly, on days like today when I fear that someday you may wonder why I made you learn certain lessons, certain ways, that you will know that I always made my decisions based on love and faith. Being your mom, is the greatest, and hardest job I have ever had. Somedays I wonder if I am adequately made for such a important and huge job. Then, when I look into your big brown eyes I always know, this was what I was meant to be.
I hope someday, you will understand that part of loving you is teaching you. There will be many more lessons to learn my love, and we will learn them together I'm sure! I want you to know, there will never be a day, no matter how old you get, that I don't lay you down on the feet of Jesus in prayer. I love you with all that I am.

-Mama

(today, this is the song that I listen to over and over...)

eleven years ago today...

2011-09-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Eleven years ago today, two baby faced kids said 'I do', with tear filled vows.

People doubted that it was real. People thought we were too young. Some said it would never last...

Eleven years later, we have grown up together, learning along the way, and falling a little more in love each year.
God gave me the gift of marrying my best friend. He knew all along what our story would look like written out.

Dear Matthew, I look forward to growing old with you.
Thank you for putting up with me for the last 11 years, and for making my every wish come true!
Thank you for our amazing life, for our precious babies, and for loving me even when it's hard.

Love you, Manda

become great...

2011-09-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

(found on pinterest)

How many times have you found yourself lost in the shadow of feeling belittled, and unseen by those who are around you? Have you then met someone so free, so happy, so great, that they made you feel that way too? Surround yourself with those who make you feel great, because life is too short to feel little! Be that person. Believe you are that person. So that your special God given light, can shine through you!

One of the GREATEST people I have ever had the privilege of meeting, would have celebrated his birthday yesterday. He passed away too soon, and is missed each day,,, but because of his ability to make others feel great, his example, his energy, his love lives on, inside of many who adored him!

Happy Birthday Papa, you are missed! Thank you for making me always feel so special!

I have a third grader....

2011-09-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

The other night we took a hike/walk/jog/scooter/bike ride - depending on who you were :)

... Bella found a 'fluff ball' a 'REALLY BIG ONE'!
I suggested she make a BIG wish and that she should make it a good one!
It was two days before school started. Today she started third grade (WOW).
I wonder if her wish that evening had anything to do with her upcoming school day?
I guess I'll never know. If I had a wish I could give her, it would be that she would have JOY inside her so BIG that it would shine out in everything she does! I hope that as she grows she is never too afraid to dream BIG, and go for it. Yes, life is scary (I told her the other day), but it's the scary things in life that make us know we are ALIVE!

On an honest note: I have first day of school photos (one or two) (I was only allowed a couple outside of the house, because outside of the school would be SO embarrassing!) Anyhow, I am too sleepy and tired to download them, so they will come. I promise! Hope you are getting back into the routine a bit more gracefully than I am! :)

Summer 2011

2011-09-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today officially marked our last day of Summer 2011, in our house. It's back to school for Bella bright and early tomorrow morning, and Meritt follows on Thursday. Holy cow summer sure flies by in a hurry... we had a great summer. We got a lot of our projects done. But, we also spent a lot of great quality time doing all sorts of fun family things. In the grand scheme of life, I'm sure that's what we will all remember most when we think back on our summer this year. The lazy evenings at the pool. Watching daddy play softball. Playing at the park. Eating dinner on the patio. Paddle boating on the lake. Our long weekend in Black Butte. Our hike at Cascadia to see the waterfall. Our boat ride on Clear Lake. The week spent with Grammy D and Aunt Christy. Walks with Lola. Painting pictures outside with Mama. Treats at Starbucks when we've behaved.... and ice cream treats just because. It's been fun summer 2011, but it's time for you to go. It's time for back to school, backpacks, homework, chilly nights, sweaters, and playing in the leaves. See you again next year!

what's your version of beautiful???...

2011-08-29T22:14:00.000-07:00

What is your version of beautiful?
Do you see it when you look in the mirror?

Why is it sometimes so easy to feel great in your own skin, and other times it's so hard to live inside your own shell...???

Not feeling too great about myself these days, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the extra 10 lbs I've put on in the last 6-9 months??? Maybe it's the fact that I'm so cotton picking exhausted that I can't even see straight right now... or maybe that I have to have photos taken of myself tomorrow.

I'm not sure, but my friend made a great point to me today. She said 'you better be careful what you say about yourself - your little girls are going to pick up on it' .

Mmmmhmmmm, yep, she was right, as usual!
I do need to be careful.
There are little ears listening to my every word, (no pressure) and those little ears are forming what their own version of what beautiful is. I want them to worry about what's on the inside, not the outside. So, why is it so hard to do that myself?

Praying that God will give me peace inside my own skin, so that I can be the example to my girls that will teach them that beauty is more about our character than our appearance!

flippity flop feelings...

2011-08-22T13:09:00.000-07:00

I have approx. 1 and a half days at home with my girls before I work umpteen (8) days straight, we head for a quick labor day weekend getaway, and then it's BACK TO SCHOOL.

I am really not sure if I should feel sad (which I kind of am). Or be happy that we will get back to a routine, and friends, and art projects sent home, and homework, and back to school nights, and this and that, and the other. My feelings are flippity flopping all over the place!

My kids are getting so big, and I sometimes wish I could just freeze them where they are. ENJOY them just as they are in this moment, for a little bit longer. I guess, in a sense, Summertime gives me this. It gives me endless days just them and me. No routine, just fly by the seat of our pants... I like it!

The girls (well Bella mostly) is getting antsy (actually crabby) - so I know that she is ready to be back at it! She gets bored easily if she isn't kept busy, so I know that Summer and it's easiness has begun to get to her.

One more year of preschool for Meritt, and boy I am going to SAVOR this year! My last year, with a kid at home (at least part of the day) and then she's off to get all grown up too!

Third grade and the second year of preschool, how did all this go by so fast?
They are getting too big I tell you...
What's next college?

Well, I guess, all I can do, is just enjoy them, and this lovely Summer while I can!

no one said this parenting gig was easy...

2011-08-11T23:11:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? When the doctor puts that baby on your chest, and you wait to hear that cry for the first time, you can't even imagine all the phases, stages, and trials you will go through now that you are a parent. That baby doesn't come with a handbook, and no one tells you about all the things you should and shouldn't do.

So, for the most part, it's a trial and error thing this parenting gig.
Most of all for the first child.
Because lets face it, we know nothing before the first kid enters our world.

My sweet Bella is eight. She is a good girl. I mean a really good girl. She has her moments of course, and don't mistake the word good for easy in that sentence up above, because easy she hasn't been, and I'm sure that will only grow as she does. This year, more than any other year of her life, she is stretching her wings a bit and looking for some independence. The hard part as a parent is to know, what you should let them do, and what you shouldn't.

Matt and I talked earlier in the Summer, and decided that she might be ready to walk to school come fall. She has a group of friends, and our plan (if agreed by the other parents) is to let them walk as a group, on the same route each day. We would have 'safe houses' marked along their route of neighbors that we know and trust, just in case they might have a problem along the way to or from school. Since she will be walking several blocks here soon, and had never been allowed to walk farther than around our block by herself. We decided that we would let her walk the 4 blocks to my parents house from time to time.

At first, she would start walking before us, while we were on our way over.
Now, she is walking the dog over once or twice a day... asking permission before she leaves.

I walked to school every day since the 1st grade, and I walked a half a mile each day.
I did fine, and turned out fine. Others would say it's a different world we live in today, and that it's not safe.

The whole thing leaves this lingering question inside of me....
Should I shelter her, just in case something bad could happen?
Or should I teach her to be independent, and responsible, and capable, so that when she enters the real world; in not that long of time, she will be ready!

These decisions are hard.

I'm not sure if I should follow what others are doing; which seems to be playing it safe just in case... or let her fly a little bit?

What do you think?
Does the whole idea of letting an 8 year old walk a few block alone scare you? Or do you think it's a good idea to teach kids a little responsibility bite by bite, so that they are capable human beings by the time they leave the nest?

I know there are probably a lot of you out there reading this that have WAAAAYYY more knowledge and know how in this department. We've got 3 weeks until school starts, and this Mama could really use some advice! Please let me know what you think... What have you done? How do yo feel about this? Anything would be helpful!

I sure wish I would have gotten a parenting handbook when I left the hospital with my bundle of joys! :)

homes tour 2011...

2011-08-02T20:20:00.000-07:00

I promised pictures...
So, here they are, a few days late, but I've been a little tired. Sorry.
Everything went really well, and we had a great time.
The best part of the weekend for sure, hands down, was getting to pick up the girls from Gramma D... and bring them home! My heart, and this house just isn't right without them. So glad we did it, but very glad it's over too! Glad to have August to have fun, and be a family, and forget about all the projects for a while! But, I have to say it's awfully nice to have the projects done and behind us!

P.S. I totally forgot to take pics of the basement... my brain was sort of working on the same mode brains work at after having a baby, totally exhausted and spacey.! I'll try to take some pics this week to make it up to you! ;)

Homes Tour 10 years ago...

2011-07-19T22:00:00.001-07:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Ten years ago, when Matt and I were newly married in our little cottage up the street and around the corner from where we live now, we were on the Homes Tour.

A little strange to think we're back here again.

Only we have two kids, and a lot more space, and a way bigger yard, and the whole thing feels like it's on steroids compared to what we did 10 years ago.

It's fun to see these photos again. I haven't seen them or looked at them in a really long time... brings back a million wonderful memories. I can only imagine that when we look back on this Homes Tour experience we will feel the same!

(Once all the hard work is over - of course!)

A week and a half to go!

Wish us luck... ready or not, here it comes!

Mister Buddy (A.K.A. Buddy Boy)...

2011-07-19T08:07:00.000-07:00

Miss Lola (A.K.A. Lola Bug or Lolee)...

2011-07-18T08:49:00.000-07:00

Miss Addie (a.k.a 'KAT')...

2011-07-15T23:26:00.000-07:00

look whooo turned eight years old...

2011-07-14T21:03:00.000-07:00

One of the happy things that happened while my computer was M.I.A. was that Miss Bella turned 8 years old.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking....
How can that possibly be???
Because my answer is.... I have NO idea.
How did my baby grow up before my very eyes?
How did my shy little girl grow to be so confident?
She is becoming a young lady.
She is smart, and funny, and witty, and likable.
She is creative, and friendly, and sassy, and sweet.
She is lovely, and beautiful, and kind.

We celebrated this year with an owl themed family style party, and then a sleepover with one of her best friends.
It was nice, simple, and easy this year.
It doesn't mean that turning 8 wasn't a big deal, because every year in my opinion is a BIG DEAL! A milestone. A year of memories never to happen again. I try hard to make birthdays special, because I think it's the one day a year that you get to be shown just how special you are!

Dear Bella, I hope you felt special!
I hope you know how loved you are!
I hope EIGHT turns out to be an awesome year!
Love you my sweet sunshine.

XO, Mama

I need to talk... is that okay???

2011-07-13T13:00:00.000-07:00

I know that I promised that when I got my new computer that I would be doing so much more blogging, and here we are a week later, and nothing.

Sort of feeling like a total blogger failure. To be truthful I have been so busy every waking hour of the day, that when I do get a chance to stare at the screen of my computer it's usually in the hours I should be sleeping.

Okay, so that is enough excuses for one post, I'll just move on to tell you what's going on...

Work.
Home.
Kids off school and looking for summertime fun.
Yard Work.
Pets.
Friends.
Visiting Relatives.
All really good things.

#1. Work: We made it through Crazy Days (our annual summer sidewalk sale) that is literally CRAZY. Although, it wasn't as crazy this year. I am not sure if we are getting more organized, or if the economy may be a slight factor. Either way it went well, and we lived through it, and the girls had a great time with their babysitter for 3 days straight!

#2. Home: So we are beginning our count down to the homes tour that we are on July 30th... 17 days. Oh boy, there is a lot to do still. Although a lot has gotten done as well. Windows are getting painted and reglazed left and right. Screen doors and doors are getting fixed and painted. Next comes cleaning, cleaning, and cleaning some more, and making this place look magazine like! :) NO PROBLEM! ;)

#3. Kids off school: Every year I am slightly nervous when school is over, because it's like, oh my gosh what am I going to do to keep these kids happy day and night week after week? Somehow it always works out, and somehow it always surprises me that I LOVE HAVING MY KIDS HOME for the Summer! They really are two of my favorite people. Despite the messes, occasional tantrums, and sisterly fighting, we have so much fun! We have been mostly just hanging out at home. We work in the garden together. There have been art projects, walks, and many trips to the library for books. Next Friday we will be meeting Matt's Mama half way to drop them off with her for 9 days so we can get all of our projects done. It will be nice to have them out of my hair while I get my projects done, but boy I'm gonna miss them. It's going to be WEIRD around here with only us old people and the animals!

#4. Yard Work: Well, we finally got our sprinkler system and irrigation system all in (around late May). Then began the quest to get the grass to grow back over all the trenches, and bald spots, and weeds, etc. All the flower beds are planted, and the four garden boxes are stuffed full of veggies and berries. Trying to keep up with the outside, the inside, and the kids, is keeping me really busy - but, I love it!

#5. Pets: Addiekat our oldest pet, wasn't looking so good about a month ago, in fact we weren't sure if she was going to make it. She had lost tons of weight (we weren't sure why) and was very lethargic. We were pretty much told that at 13 years old we could do testing on her, but there really wasn't a whole lot of point to it... So, we switched her food in a last ditch effort, and it seems to be working! We are so glad. Emma and Lola the doggies are loving laying on the patio in the sunshine daily. Buddy the young cat, is showing to be quite the outdoorsman, he likes to kill birds and mice, then bring us his catch to show off. THANK YOU Buddy! Just want I always wanted a dead bird at my feet! :) At least we won't have rodents!

#6. Friends: We have had a few opportunities to visit and have a few BBQ's with friends this summer which has been a nice break from the to-do lists. Looking forward to MORE of that... SOON. Play dates by the pool wound be good!

#7. Relatives: We had a quick visit from my Brother in June. It's always so good to see him, and the girls adore their Uncle Ansen! He has no kids so he loves to play with them and seems to have never ending patience, which may be why they adore him so much! We also got to visit with my Aunt Lee over the fourth of July. SOOOO good to see her. She hasn't been to Oregon for a visit since Matt and my wedding almost 11 years ago. She hadn't even met my girls before (except for photos) so it was fun to see them get to know one another! My mama was in heaven having her sis-in law around to hang with, and it gave us all a great excuse to have a few BBQ's in her honor. It was a great visit!

All of that = a whole lot of busy go go going and do do doing, but it's all really great! Have to admit, that I am looking forward to homes tour being over so we can do a few other things except for projects, however at the same time, it is so nice having these projects that have been looming over our heads getting done! It's going to be very fun! I am looking forward to sharing all the stuff we've done around here in the last 6 1/2 years!

Well, that about catches you up on all of our happenings...!
Can I ask you something... and please answer or I will feel super lame, what would you like to have me tell you about on here??? Any ideas I need some creative ideas to get me out of my blogging slump!

a good surprise...

2011-07-06T15:59:00.000-07:00

I came home after a rousing morning of running errands with the kiddos, to feed them lunch, and Matt was home with a wonderful surprise. My new computer!!! LOVE.

After two attempts to buy a Mac on EBay... and both attempts being fraudulent, he did what I should have done 3 long weeks ago. He went to the Mac store and bought one!

I think I'm in love.
Sorry honey, I'm in love with you too, but this new guy Mac is pretty amazing.
Oh Lordy Be, I think I'm in heaven.
Now all I have to do is figure out how to use this thing! ;)

Thank you Matt, I think you may have given me back part of my sanity! I love you.

Are you a Mac or a PC?

absent...

2011-06-28T10:42:00.000-07:00

Hi friends.
I'm sorry for my absence lately... my computer went KAPUT on me about two weeks ago, and I'm waiting on my new one to arrive. (any day I hope!)

I'm at work as I type this, which means, I really should get to doing something other than blog, so this will be short and sweet.

Just wanted to let you know, I'm alive still.
I miss blogging.
I have a bunch of photos and stuff to show you all.
Being without my computer sort of feels like missing my right hand. (OK maybe that's a bit dramatic)
I'll be back soon!

I hope you are enjoying the beginning of summer as much as I am!

it's a home not a house...

2011-06-16T23:23:00.000-07:00

Getting ready to put our house on the historical homes tour this summer (the end of July to be exact) is making me feel the pressure for my home to be a perfect house... but it's not because there are 4 people, 2 doggies, and 2 kitties who live their life fully underneath it's roof.

It would be super easy for me to get overwhelmed by making everything perfect for the big day. Instead I keep repeating this sentence over and over to myself as I have those kind of feelings creep in... 'it's a home not a house'.

It's a place where the dogs have scratched claw marks into all the doors.
It's a place where the young cat has eaten his way into all the new screening on the doors.
It's a place where there a smudgy little finger prints on walls and windows.
It's a place where cob webs often live.
It's a place where new grass is struggling to grow.
It's a place where there are weeds in the garden.
It's a place where kids play.
It's a place where food gets spilled.
It's a place where the laundry is never all done.
It's a place where there isn't possibly enough time in a day to get it all done.

But...
it's also a place where...

So, while I really do want everything to look amazing on show day...
I also never want to lose sight that our house is not just a house, it's a home!

HE HAS IT COVERED...

2011-06-11T08:22:00.000-07:00

This week was a doozie friends!
Whoa boy.

There were times during this week I just had to call out to Jesus and say, 'how much more lord?'

I had to have some pretty significant, pretty serious medical tests done this last week and a half, and there was a chance, actually a pretty good chance, that the out come wasn't going to be a good one.

Besides the fact that I had to go 36 hours without food this week, and drink 4 liters of the worst tasting drink I had ever drank, I also had to deal with my emotions, of what if...

Most of the time the 'what ifs' in life get us, don't they???
The theme running through me this whole week, as I dealt with these tests, and the unknown, feeling terrible health wise, dealing with a very sick almost 8 year old, a struggling shop, and a hard work situation for my hubby, was the word TRUST.

God was asking me to TRUST that HE had me covered.
So, I did.
This advice I had been given once a long time ago kept repeating over, and over in my head all week long, and it kept me calm and still.

The advice was this: When we worry, and take our burdens on to ourselves, we are telling God to his face that we don't TRUST him.

I went forward into my week with blind TRUST that HE had me covered...
and HE DID!

I got my test results back, and every single bad possibility has been ruled out.

HE HAD ME COVERED...

Bella is feeling better, and was so well taken care of by my Mom and Matt when I couldn't be the mama I would have liked to have been while she was sick.

HE HAD ME COVERED...

After a very slow last two weeks at the store, he provided an amazing sales day yesterday that perfectly covered the exact amount we needed to pay our large payments/bills that were due.

HE HAD IT COVERED...

Matt has some change on the horizon.
Whatever it brings, it will be GREAT.

HE HAS IT COVERED...

If we walk through life, TRUSTING that HE HAS US COVERED, think of all the worry we would save ourselves...
He has a plan for our lives.
He just wants us to trust HIM.

HE HAS YOU COVERED TOO...trust him!

mama, I wish I had a time machine...

2011-06-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

the other day Bella and I were talking, and she said out of the blue 'mama, I wish I had a time machine...' - I said 'oh, yeah, why?' and she replied simply, 'because I would turn my Buddy back into this...'

'He was so cute, and little mama, don't you remember?'- 'I loved when he was a baby...'

...I'll I could say in response, was, 'sometimes I wish I had a time machine too!'

...and then I said 'time goes by too fast sometimes, that's why we have to enjoy every minute of life while it's happening, because it will never happen again quite the same!'

busy, but beautiful...

2011-05-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, this is just a little note to all of you out there still checking into this little old blog of mine. I'm so sorry that I haven't been posting much. I wish I was super clever, and had tons of free time so that I could be a blogger who wrote and shared photos everyday. But, the truth is... my life has been seriously busy lately. In a good way. In a life is really beautiful, but busy kind of way.

Some of the things that we've (I've) been up too...

I may have kind of said yes, when asked for the 954Th time if we would agree to put our house on the summer historical tour... which has now lead us into a frenzy of projects, and gardening, and list doing. But, I am convinced that this is going to be a great thing! (Once we get it all done, and we can stand back and enjoy the fruits of all of our hard work!)

Part of the project list is (was) to replace the irrigation system in our yard. We can't afford to higher it out, so that left it up to us (Matt) to do. Have any of you out there put in your own irrigation system??? Holy cow, it's A LOT of work... and it is MAJORLY messy. Can you say MUD??? Two dogs, two kids, an outdoor cat and MUD don't make for the best combination, just an FYI in case you were wondering! :)

I've also been doing tons of sewing on our rainy days... I'm making tons of cushions for the out door furniture. I've been thrifting all Winter/Spring for vintage fabrics, and tea towels to turn into pillows. So, now, I'm a busy bee sewing away!

On top of all the home projects I've also been working on lots of fun new things for the shop, like our first ever look book, a website, (do you know any great web site designers that don't charge an arm and a leg??????) an online shop, and at the same time we're still keeping up with the day in day out 'stuff' of running a shop. You know, selling, displaying, unpacking, pricing, buying, planning, the list goes on and on...

Today was Meritt's last day of school. Not quite sure how I feel about this. I have to admit it was glorious having 3 mornings a week kid free. I will miss the quiet, but I am looking forward to having my kiddos home for the summer! Bella still has 3 weeks to go, she doesn't think it's very fare that preschool gets out so early! (oh well, life's not fare!)

Last weekend, my mom and I tackled the yard. We got a lot done, especially when we hauled the guys into join our work team! We got a lot planted, and also got our four garden boxes tilled and new dirt put in... SO, this weekend, we are planting the garden! Yay... I am very excited. (I promise, I will post photos soon!)

I've got a LONG list of to-do's and want-to's on this weekend's itinerary, so I hope we got a lot done, and have fun along the way! Life is busy, but it sure is beautiful!!!

I hope whatever you are doing this weekend, you enjoy it, and savor every drop!

a new hobby...

2011-05-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

About three weeks ago, Bella and I started taking crochet classes. I thought it would be a fun, calming, special thing that her and I could do together. Something that we could carve timeout of our week just to do her and I.

I am so glad I made the decision to do this with her!

We look forward to it every week. We practice together, and now have this 'thing' that is just between her and I. I felt she was desperately looking for me to give her some attention that was just hers. Something that didn't include her sister, or her dad, or anyone else.

We are both pretty creative, and we love to be crafty, so it was a perfect fit for us! Now we're learning all kinds of things, and there are SO MANY things I'd like to learn how to make!

The picture above is just a small collage of a few of the crocheted goodies I'd like to learn how to make one day! Isn't the wreath adorable?!!

So many things I'd like to make and do, yet so little time!

real life romance...

2011-05-19T20:36:00.001-07:00

After the day I had, this just strikes me as beautiful, and I needed to share it... Go Here and read this story about what real romance consists of, and let me know what you think! I loved it! When I read Greta's story over on faith blogs, I had an ah ha moment I think. Like... YES! I feel like this too... this is what real life romance is. Why do I always think that real life romance is what you see in the movies, or read in a romantic novel?

Anyway let me know what you think!
I love fellow faith bloggers!

too much information...

2011-05-16T12:35:00.001-07:00

I am feeling chatty...
There is no one around to chat with, so i will chat with you!
Lucky YOU! ;)
Thought maybe i would admit... i mean share some things...
Don't you love when you read someones blog and they become totally human to you?
I do.

So here goes:

I am addicted to...
black iced tea (even though I'm not supposed to drink it)
jeans (i have enough jeans to clothe South America)
reading my favorite blogs (yet I am bad at commenting - trying to get better!)
Pintrest (have you heard of this? google it... you'll be addicted too!)
Thrifting (my request for my birthday was to thrift all day... and we did!)
Burgerville (it's my favorite, it's also the reason I have muffin top!)

Things that happen everyday of my life...
My hubs brings me coffee in bed, before I do anything else. (spoiled huh?)
Take a bath (I can't recall the last time I took a shower, is that weird?)
I pick up or clean up someones poop, pee, or barf (yeah for me!)
laundry, dishes, and cleaning up (if I'm ever wealthy I want a maid!)
i listen to music loudly (Meritt is so addicted to loud music by now, she's always saying upper mama, upper! - does that make me a bad mother?)
i pray (prayer keeps me sain, and grounded, and feeling like I can get through the day!)
I text my hubby, an i love you, or he texts me one! (romantic?)
I dance with my kids in the kitchen (don't be jealous - you know you like to dance in the kitchen ;)!)

Things I dislike:
Corn dogs (due to an unfortunate incidence when I was four, involving a Farris wheel, and a young man who ate way too many corn dogs)
Talking on the phone (I don't know why, I just don't like it...)
Rough feet...
Stinky people...
Lola's bad gas...
having to pick up someone Else's poop, pee, or barf on a daily basis...
Bella's mood swings...
Meritt's inability to listen...
my crooked teeth...
the fact that I have muffin top...
the fact that you can't loose weight while having a love affair with cheeseburgers, french fries, fry sauce, and strawberry shortcakes...
grumpy, rude, or vulgar people...
the mud outside my house, it's everywhere... (ugghh.)

Things I love...
black iced tea...
peppermint lip balm...
getting hugs and kisses...
back rubs, foot rubs, any kind of loves I can get!...
beautiful quotes...
owls...
birds...
old quilts...
vintage...
music, oh i love music!...
and of course... (these should go without saying, but...)
my God...
my family...
my pets...
my home...

What do you think??? Too much information?:)

how could I possibly forget...

2011-05-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

...how did I forget, possibly the biggest progress made of all???
(if you have no idea what I'm talking about scroll down to my last post!)

On her fourth birthday, she bravely gave her collection of beloved binkies to other babies that would need them more! We boxed them, and 'sent them on to the hospital' where the babies are born.

No tears, no fits, no missed sleep... she did it with bravery and courage.

I am not kidding when I tell you I thought this binky baby, turned binky kid, would NEVER give up her 'BINK' willingly!...but she did!

With love, and a bit (slash that) a lot of nudging, she did it!

YAY Meritt!
She's quite the girl.
She can do anything! (as long as it's her idea ;) )

making such progress...

2011-05-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

This kid is growing up so fast!
Six months ago, I was about ready to pull my hair out for the fact that this little girl, just didn't want to have any part in growing up...
With love, and some (slash that) A LOT of patience, she is and has made so much big girl progress!

Six months ago she:
wouldn't sleep anywhere but her crib
wouldn't stay in her crib without being tented in
wouldn't poop in the potty
wouldn't get dressed by herself
wouldn't go upstairs by herself

Now:
She has her very own BIG Girl bed and sleeps in it every night without wandering all through the house at all hours of the night.

Has conquered her fear of poop! This was a BIG ONE!!! Not only has she conquered her fear she now does it alone, without assistance! Whoo Hoooo

Gets herself dressed every morning, and then several changes through the day. (I try hard not to complain! - about the outfits or the extra laundry)

Now has a new room she feels safer in, and will play up there for quite a while without anyone upstairs with her!

I am SO proud of this girl!
At the beginning of the school year she was so afraid, she wouldn't stay in her class without someone with her.
Today, she went on a class field trip without anyone outside of school.
That's BIG stuff!

She has had a lot of hurdles to jump, but she's making great strides, and I am so proud that she is so brave to make such big changes at such a little age!

She is learning how to listen.
She is learning how to speak more clearly.
She is learning how to be a helper.
She is learning how to be a BIG little sister
She is learning how to paint, draw, and create.
She is learning how to play with other kids, and make friends.
She is learning how to pray, and has taught her family a new favorite in our house.
She now goes to pre-school, and Sunday-school and LOVES her Independence.
She will sit and do a puzzle, and finish it.
She will sit with a stack of books and read each page.

Some of this stuff written out might not seem like a big deal to those of you reading it out there, but it is!
It's a HUGE deal, because, she couldn't do it that long ago, and now she can!

She's growing up...
Right before my eyes.
She has shed her baby days and has embarked on her girlhood days.

I love her.
In every possible way.
She is a light in my life.
A joy. A ray of daily sunshine. A dose of happiness.

This girl has stretched me.
Challenged me.
At moments broken me.
But most of all she has grown my heart to be so much bigger and better than it was before she was in my world!

I am grateful.

to my mama...

2011-05-08T05:49:00.000-07:00

I am so lucky to have my mama.
Most people love their moms, and yet can't spend all that much time with them.
I am blessed, because my mom just happens to be one of my most favorite people!
We laugh...
We talk...
We get inspired by one another...
We work well together...

We are friends.

When I think back over favorite memories, it's usually the times she was comforting me, or rocking me, or stoking my hair, or itching my back (she is the greatest back scratchier ever!). She has this way about her... this calm, wonderful thing, that can make you breath again, even when you're so upset your not sure how to.

It's before six AM... I am not sure why I am up so early. I have been since around 3:30. As I lie here, thinking about Mother's day, I thought about writing about myself being a mother, or all of the wonderful ladies in my life that are mother's, but the only thing that really made sense to me in these wee early hours of the morning, was to just celebrate my mom.

I wouldn't be me, without her.
She is my foundation in this life.
Her hands have taught me, comforted me, wiped away tears from my cheeks, and held my hand through every minute of my life.
I know her heart is always with me even when we're apart.
She sees my insides...
She loves me despite my faults.
I am blessed to have been raised by such a great woman!

Thank you mom for all that you are, for all that you do, for all of the sacrifices that you have made, for all of the grace and patience you give me.

I know you won't read this today.
You'll probably see it on Tuesday...
But, it's okay. I want you to know. Anytime. That I love you and am thankful for you each and every day!

Happy Mother's Day Mama, I hope you feel all the ways you are loved today!
XOXO - Manda

Yum!

2011-05-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

I'm not a baker. Not even a little bit. It's not that I can't do it, it's more that recipes take too much attention for me to stay feeling creative. There are a few things I bake, over and over, and mostly it's because they are easy and super delicious so they keep me coming back for more!

While reading the Farm Chicks blog I saw this recipe for Peanut butter chocolate bars... oh MY! You had me at peanut butter!

These little sweethearts are going to make me break out the kitchen aide and the measuring cups and make us something YUMMY!!!

Don't they look so good?
I'll let you know what we thought after I get these babies made!
If you can't wait the link is above (click on highlighted text) so you can make them now!

thirty-one...

2011-04-29T16:36:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, I'm going to be thirty-one years old... wow. how did that happen? I remember when thirty-one seemed old. I remember my parents turning thirty-somethings, and I thought they were old. Now, thirty-one doesn't seem so old, neither does 41, 51, 61, or even 71 for that matter. I think I've shifted over to the other side!

Last year for some unexplainable reason I was having a very hard time turning thirty. It was in some way totally momentous to me. I think I somehow wanted it to be a big deal to everyone else because it was a super big deal to me... I didn't do very great turning 30.

Even though last years birthday wasn't taken with the most grace, it was a great year... and throughout this year I've decided I really like who i am at 30. It's taken me up to this point to become ALL that I am, and I'm glad for that.

I love things that are aged, have history, a story behind them, why would I of all people have a hard time aging?

I think I was looking at it all wrong.
I was looking at turning thirty as the ending of some things rather than the beginning of new ones.

In ways this year has sucked. I lost my Grandma, and watched her die over several months, I had some pretty major health issues to hurtle, and had surgery at the beginning of the year, I have had some rough patches becoming all that God desires me to be as a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, and a person. Even with all that, there have been a lot of defining, moments along that road. I don't think when I was twenty something i could have handled this year. At thirty I did, and I'm still smiling, and life is good, despite it's ups and downs and bumpy roads in between.

I am looking forward to this next year.
I am learning to love the person God is shaping me into being with his hands.
His Grace is what guides me, it gives me power and strength, and with him by my side I know that I will not be alone as I walk this path of life, and all it's lessons, and all it's beauty it has to teach.

So CHEERS... to thirty one great years, I'm gonna party like it's my BIRTHDAY tomorrow!!! Yippee.

Easter Cuties...

2011-04-28T18:55:00.000-07:00

I'm a little slow with this.
But, it's pretty cute so better late than never.
The clarity of the photos are bad, so sorry.
At church on Sunday they had a petting zoo for the kids.
The girls fell in love with the chicks!
Meritt was so sweet with them.
Bella is always sweet with anything.
Someday, I think we'll add chickens into our zoo... someday!

How Great thou Art...

2011-04-24T16:12:00.000-07:00

This rendition of this song gives me chills.
An awesome version of an awesome song!
This was always one of my Grandma's favorites...
I bet this is how it sounds in heaven, but even better.
Never quite heard it like this at Jefferson Christian Church back in the day.

I hope you have had an absolutely amazing day.
Celebrating that we are saved thanks to the ultimate sacrifice, if we choose to ask Jesus Christ to be our Lord and Savior!

Two years ago on Easter, I was baptized.
I didn't plan it.
I didn't even think I was going to do it until God told me to walk up the aisle and make my way to my pastor and make that commitment.
Right there in my Easter clothes.

Until that day I had been living as a luke warm Christian.
Even though I had been saved since about the age of 3... and had always had a personal relationship with Jesus. I hadn't made the ultimate commitment.
I am so thankful that I made that brave walk down the aisle.
I am so thankful to be saved by the Grace of GOD!

Happy Easter!
I pray you have a blessed day!

Good Friday...

2011-04-22T13:05:00.000-07:00

What does Easter mean to you?
How does it make you feel?
What kind of memories do you want your child/children to have when they think back on Easter memories...

Can I tell you a moment from this week that made my heart so happy?
Meritt came home from school and said, 'Mama, Jesus died for us, and now he's ALIVE!'... Yes, she's excited to hunt for eggs on Sunday, and wear her pretty new dress to church, but she knows what we're celebrating, even at 4 years old!

Easter has never been about pretty dresses, eggs, or bunnies to me.
Not that I don't like a good chocolate egg, or to dress my girls or myself in a beautiful dress...

It is by far my favorite holiday.

This song sums it all up for me.
It's been playing over and over and over in my car all week.
This is the meaning. This is the reason we celebrate this holiday.
It moves me.
It makes me so thankful.
I can hardly imagine being able to make a sacrifice so amazing, so selfless... so grand.

I hope your holiday is filled to the brim with sunshine, and happiness. I hope your life is overflowing this Sunday with family, and love. Celebrate life. Celebrate the newness of the season. Celebrate that he died for us, so that we can be saved!

Have a beautiful Easter!

on my heart...

2011-04-20T20:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while.
Partly because in real life, I've been going through something, and my head and my heart are ALL over the place.
It's not easy for me to write when my head and heart aren't working well together, so I've taken a quiet break.

In a way I've been taking a quiet break from everything I can, just to be able to really focus on God's voice in my life. I need him desperately to guide my footsteps right now.

Last week, I had to say good-bye to a friend that I have loved in one way or another since I was 9 years old.

Saying goodbye has broken my heart.

Listening to God's voice isn't always the easiest thing to do - or to obey, but I choose to believe that listening is the best thing for all involved. With that said, it doesn't make it hurt or sting any less.

I pretty much feel like a failure.
I wanted to be a witness to my friend.
My goal was to show the light of Jesus, through the light he shines in me.
Maybe I did...
I pray that I did...
I suppose HIS plan will be made perfect in HIS timing!

Even typing out this post makes the tears well up in my eyes...
it's emotional.
I hate everything about the whole situation.
Last week, for about a day, I felt really pissed off at God.
Is that really horrible to admit?
I wanted to cry out - why did you let me fail at this???

Then, I was reminded that God never fails.
He has a perfect plan.
It is humans that fail.
It's our plans that are totally imperfect.

When we choose not to listen to the truth, that is failure.

This friend of mine and me... no one understands why we would possibly have ever become friends. Our lives are opposite. Our backgrounds couldn't be more different. Yet from the time I was in about the 4th grade, God was calling me to be a friend, and love this person....

Even though, I had to say goodbye.
I have to believe that God is still using me.
Somehow.
Someway.
I pray someday my friend will be able to be my friend again.
In God's timing.
Not mine.

It's okay to love people just because God is calling you to.
It doesn't have to make sense.
It doesn't have to be popular.
It doesn't have to be self-serving.
It doesn't have to please anyone.
It doesn't have to be for any other reason than because God has called you to.

By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth. By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. ... 1 John 3:16-24

My heart will mend with God's grace and love working in my heart.
Someday all the pain and sorrow, all of the hardships we face here on earth they will be made perfect!

It's okay to open your heart.
Even if it means it will be broken.
Don't be afraid to feel.
Don't be afraid to love.
Don't be afraid to shine his light through your life.
These things I'm learning.....

Lessons never end, no matter how old we grow to be.

his grace abounds...

2011-04-15T15:25:00.000-07:00

*source*

a family hike...

2011-04-13T16:32:00.000-07:00

Last Friday our family decided to get out and enjoy a lovely Spring day at Silver Creek Falls. It was cold up on the mountain. In fact, there was still snow on the ground. The falls were robust, and the sun was shining down. It was a glorious day. There is nothing better than enjoying God's beauty with those that you love!

We enjoyed ourselves so much, that I think we'll all being doing a whole lot more hiking as the weather gets better and better! It's pretty nice to go and do these things now that everyone in the family can walk on their own!!! We hiked about 7.5 miles total that day, yet we still didn't make it to all 10 falls. Someday, I would love to make it around the whole trail!!!

happy birthday to my man...

2011-04-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

I am a very lucky girl to still have this man look at me like THIS even after almost 15 years together. We have literally grown up together. Looking back, I can hardly believe we made it, through all of life's ups and downs. Teenage years, and our twenties,turning 30 something, babies, and houses, jobs, building a business, and everything else in between. When we got married people said it would never last. Heck, when we went on our first date people snickered and said it would never last. But, here we are. A decade and a half later... chapters and chapters later in our story, and he still looks at me with those eyes! God had a plan all along...

Sending happy birthday wishes, to the man who has made my dreams come true...!
I hope that I am able to make you half as happy as you make me.
I can't wait to write more chapters in our book!

XOXO,
Manda
(i don't think my husband has ever (or very rarely) ever called me Mandy... it's always Manda, and that I am, his Manda!)

dream of sky...

2011-04-08T21:58:00.000-07:00

Today was glorious.
I told you I talked Matt into taking some time off... Right???
Well, Tuesday is his birthday, and tomorrow is my daddies birthday, so to celebrate, I planned a weekend getaway. However, the weather had other plans, so we made new plans!

Today we went hiking (as a family of six + one dog) and went hiking.
God opened up our grey Oregon skies today, and gave us sunshine.
No it wasn't particularly warm, but, it was still glorious!

There is something about being out in Gods beauty, in nature, that makes me feel happy, and at peace!

Today was exactly what we all needed.
I am so thankful to live in such a beautiful place.
I am ever so thankful to have such an awesome family!
I am thankful to be God's sparrow.

I will post lots of pictures soon, of our adventure(s).
Tonight, I am pooped from hiking almost 8 miles today, so all of that will have to wait until another day!

Tomorrow, another adventure awaits!
This stay-cation business is not so bad, it's actually pretty great!

take heart...

2011-04-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

Bella's little Rose...

2011-04-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

It started - Bella's little Rose, but in this picture the story seems to read that it should be: Rosie's Sweet Bella!

Sisters annoy, interfere, criticize. Indulge in monumental sulks, in huffs, in snide remarks. Borrow. Break. Monopolize the bathroom. Are always underfoot. But if catastrophe should strike, sisters are there. Defending you against all comers.
~Pam Brown

looking forward...

2011-04-05T20:52:00.000-07:00

So first I have to say thank you for listening to me confess, and whine, and have a little pity party in my last post. It was needed. So thanks for the understanding and love. I realize we all feel those same exact things, I guess that's why I feel totally comfortable confessing it all to you!

No lying last week was ROUGH, it was TOUGH, I barely made it through... but alas, I did! Here we are, days later, and the fog has lifted, and my hormone levels have mostly gone back to their normal levels, and I am once again my own, clear thinking self! Yay, hallelujah. Thank goodness each day is new, and that we can leave yesterdays problems behind us.

I convinced my husband to beg to get a few days off, in promise of me taking him to do something lovely and special to celebrate his birthday. So, I am excited that we are going to get four whole days to spend together! I am letting my kids skip school (don't tell anybody) and we are going to spend some good old fashioned family time! I had a trip planned but unfortunately the snow levels made us cancel those plans, so now it's on to plan B... or maybe at this point we're on to plan E or maybe even F. But, no matter how you slice it, we're going to be together.

Do you want to hear the really good news????
I treated myself to a pedi last night! I called, I made the appointment, and I went, and it was great! The best part was that the spa I go to was running a special for $20 dollar pedi's - YIPPIE!

The other good news is, I get to go get a hair cut on Thursday. I haven't had a hair cut since before Christmas... no I'm not kidding. I don't have long hair that is able to go months without a cut either... nope, I have a high maintenance cut that needs tending to! So, thank the LORD on HIGH that I will go get some of this MOP cut down in one more day! - DOUBLE YIPPIE!!!

Here's to looking forward...
to all kinds of happy things ahead!

CAUTION... confessions ahead...

2011-04-01T21:21:00.001-07:00

Today has been a seriously rough day.
There is no other way to put it.
I feel this overwhelming sea of emotions all hitting.
I feel like I've been doing a heck of a job trying to do everything, but today I just wasn't able to anymore.

I feel overwhelmed.
I feel like I am being a totally grumpy mom.
I am desperately needing some structure, and routine to re-enter our lives.
I am tired of feeling like I'm doing it all.

Yes, I told you... confessions are here!
Of a tired and overworked mother, who's missing her husband.

Do you know how I handle feeling overwhelmed?
I started ripping my house apart...
No, not in an angry way, in a I'm gonna get everything clean, and fresh, and in order sort of way.

By 11:30am curtains were taken down and in the wash, the vacuum was buzzing, furniture was moving and upside down, and dust was definitely flying!

I am really a crazy person.
At the same time, I know when I can get through the mountain of things on my list that I would like to have done, then it will be easier for me to deal with the day to day 'stuff'.

I don't know why, it's just how I am.

My kids were insane today.
Both so crabby, cranky, and tired, that we b a r e l y made it to bedtime.
I wish I was a better mom sometimes.
I wish that my patience were better.
I wish that I wasn't SO eager for it to be nap time, or bedtime like I was today.

I feel like screaming out the window, I NEED A BREAK, do you want to babysit for me?
Would that be bad?

I would give anything for a pedicure.
A little 'ME'time.

Ahh, yes that's what right now is, 'me' time... 9:40 in the pm kids are sleeping, hubs is watching playoff basketball, and I am sitting here BLOGGING, exhausted, and trying to figure out how I could rub my own neck.

I pray that I wake up in the morning with a new spirit.
I pray that God will lend me his Grace as I spend my 5th straight Saturday alone with the kiddos.
I also pray for some sunshine so I can send them outside to play!

Man there is a lot of whining going on here isn't there?
I think I better stop confessing and get some sleep before this gets ugly and you all don't want to come back again! :)

On a brighter note: I'm just going to try and remember that I can do ANYTHING for a season... I just can't do EVERYTHING, so I'm gonna cut myself some slack, and try and go with the flow a little bit better!

Goodnight.

it's all about love, love, love, L OV E!

2011-04-01T07:37:00.000-07:00

Remember that day that I told you we spent at the beach two weekends back? It was fun! Bella was the official photographer for the day. She did an awesome job documenting our day, so I put her photos together in a little video, so we could remember the day. It's all about love, love, love, love, L O V E!

Happy Friday!

we've been under the weather...

2011-03-31T15:51:00.000-07:00

This is what we looked like the day before the 'CRUD' as I've affectionately named it HIT. We were happy, we were carefree... I made the BIG mistake of saying something you should absolutely, never say, under ANY circumstances. That is... 'Man we haven't been sick for a really long time.' - 'Boy we've been lucky this year'. All I have to say is, BOY I'M STUPID! Never gonna say that again.

Because it must have heard it's call.
By the next day we were on the road to our whole family being:

The first Man down was miss Meritt. Who had more snot come out of her than I even knew to be possible. We needed a bucket to catch it!

Then came her sister, who got all sorts of crabby on us, because it was her Spring Break, and it wasn't FAIR.

(Tell me about it... FAIR is definitely not being cooped up in a house with two sick kids during Spring Break - I AGREE!)

The good news is, we had no real plans for Spring Break, so staying in the house wasn't too big of a deal, other than the sheer sanity factor.

The next Man down was Matt, who bless his heart got double ear infections, during his marathon work schedule. His eardrum burst, and now cannot hear, but still has to work 6 days a week around 11ish hours a day. Things have gotten so bad with his hearing, that he has been to the Doctor twice, is now on his second dose of antibiotics, and the girls at his work have had to resort to making BIG signs to hold up across the office for when they need his attention.

So, if your doing your math, that is two sick kids, during Spring Break, one sick husband gone all the time, and one mom left standing.

By this point anyone who knows us was too scared to even come by our home, for fear they would catch the 'CRUD'...

Yay. Fun TIMES!!!
By Saturday, the FOURTH MAN WENT DOWN.
YEP, I got sick too.
Thankfully by the weekend the children were better and my parents took pity on us, and would take the children to entertain them so we could sleep. Although they still wouldn't come in the house, can you believe that :)? How rude... (just kidding)

Mine has lingered all week, although I have now concocted a cocktail of cold medicines that make it easier to make it through the day. Let's see: I am taking, cough syrup, an inhaler, nasal spray, suddafed, aleve, and some vitamins. Seems to be at least making me feel semi human!

I apologize for not being a very good blogger lately.
I haven't been posting too regularly, and I have had nothing very exciting to share.
Sorry, but when the highlight of your day is nap time it doesn't leave you with much material to work with!

I'll try to come up with something great really soon!
I promise!!!
Anything you'd like me to talk about or show you... ask away. Give me a question or an idea and I'll do my best to answer it!

I hope you have been healthy and happy!

a lovely way to start a Monday...

2011-03-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

Every Monday I look forward to seeing what Heather of Blessed Little Nest will come up with for Life Made Lovely Monday. It's a nice way to start an otherwise dreary sort of day. Much to my amazement this morning I realized I was the 'chosen one' she featured for her Life Made Lovely Monday series... wow!!! How nice is that??? I can hardly think of a nicer way to start a Monday morning! Thanks Heather!

It really is the little things in life that make it the most lovely isn't it? Sometimes it's just a wink from your honey, or a kiss on the cheek from your child, a little 'miss you' text from a friend, or enjoying a cup of tea all alone. It's the little things that make life sweet! I guess as we press on through life (our own lives) it's important to remember how even doing something simple for someone can make their day!

Thank you Heather, for making my Monday start out lovely. Today was the first day back to school for the kids after a week indoors with the whole family sick. Needless to say this day could have started out rough... instead I started it by drinking a big cup of joe, and reading my fav blogs, where I just happened to spot that you chose me to be this weeks 'Life Made Lovely - feature'. This sweet little something, made my day totally lovely!

Go check out Blessed Little Nest, it's beautiful and full of all kinds of inspiration!

laundry...

2011-03-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

...laundry is a never ending job at my house.

a while back I was reading a blog (i don't remember which one) it was one focused on living green. (which I'm all for) She was saying that to reduce water use in her house. Each family member has 3-4 outfits total, bathes twice a week, and re-uses towels for at least a week... they wash bedding once a month, and other 'necessary' items once a month as well.

Now, I'm sorry... I'm not trying to make a judgement here, but is that nuts?
While I can see how that would reduce water usage, and maybe even cure the never ending battle most of us moms face on keeping up with the laundry. But, whoa. I don't think I'd want to smell those sheets. Just sayin'

With my kids it almost seems impossible to keep them in the same outfit for an entire day. No matter how hard we seem to try, someone always gets dirty. Either with art supplies, food, playing outside, school, etc. As far as the bathing goes, we all do it everyday. The girls occasionally go a day in between, but usually every day. Towels, those last more than one use (most of the time). Sheets and bedding get washed every week... and then there's tea towels, doggy bedding, rugs, curtains, slip covers, and other 'stuff' that needs to be washed.

Between all of that there is always laundry to do. I don't really mind the washing, the folding is okay, but Ahhhh the putting it away, it kills me. Never ending I tell you.

Just about the time I think it's finally done. I turn around twice, and there it is again.

So, here is my question for you???
What's your laundry system?
Are you more like me or the green mom with 3 outfits each?... or are you somewhere in between?

My mom used to tell me, that when I had to do my own laundry someday that I wouldn't have nearly as much... boy was she wrong.

On the bright side, I have a lovely new washer and dryer that make my life much more lovely... and I am not doing laundry in a dungeon anymore. So, there is always a bright side to be thankful for!

Do you have some great laundry advice or system I need to know about? Or are you in the same boat I'm in?

missing her...

2011-03-24T21:58:00.000-07:00

It's funny how you can miss someone so much in the smallest of moments...
Just wishing that you could spend just one more minute, or have just one more conversation.

I haven't cried since her funeral.
It was hard to feel sad for myself when I know she is in such a better place.

But, tonight as quietness creeps around me, I feel tears well up in my eyes, and my heart aches because I'm missing her.

Do you ever wish for one reason or another you could go back to the days of your childhood?
Sometimes I must admit it sounds nice.
Especially if I could just spend one more day with her.
She was the best.
She was the most fun, the most loving, best grandma in the entire world.
She ALWAYS had time for me.
She made me part of her everyday life, and in doing that she'll never know how much she gave me.

Most people are too busy to slow down long enough to savor those who are around them. I'm not sure if she did this her whole life, but when I was around, I never felt anything was more important than the time she spent with me.

She included me.
She made traditions with me.
She traveled with me.
She took me to church, and memorized bible verses with me.
She colored pictures with me.
She played games with me.
She played outside with me.
She accepted me, and all of my creative messes that came along with me.
She listened to me.

When I came to her hurt, she would kiss the pain away.
When I came to her scared, she would scoop me up, and cuddle me in her rocking chair.
When I needed advice, she was always quick to listen and slow to judge.

I am not sad that she's in heaven, I am happy she is finally back to that old person I remember so fondly. But, I must admit, I miss her like crazy, and I am pretty sure that I will everyday until I see her again. She's irreplaceable... one of a kind.

There is a piece of me missing without her.
I'm just not sure how else to put it.

spring...

2011-03-22T20:46:00.000-07:00

Finally.... we got a sliver of sunshine today.
Ahhhh. It was so good!
It's amazing, I'm a true Oregonian through and through, but I tell you what, this year the non-stop rain is getting to me.
I am ready for some warmth on my skin, sunshine on my face, and dirt in between my fingers!

Today has given me a bit of inspiration to spruce things up around these parts. Time to get rid of the drab old winter stuff, and get ready to jump into Spring!

Love these two photos! (I don't know the source, sorry, googled some spring inspiration!)

Don't you want that chalk board???
I'm thinking a trip to the thrift stores or a few antique shops may be in my future to find a great frame to turn into a chalk board! I think this look would be awesome inside or out! What do you think? Are you ready for Spring???

a day by the sea...

2011-03-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

"When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused."
- Rainer Maria Rilke

We have had a long last few months. A death in the family. The holidays. A lot of work... Matt working 6 days a week, and me working my mommy job and my 'real job' (my mommy job, in my opinion is my real job, just so you know)! So, I told everyone we needed a family day! It has been raining cats and dogs for months upon months I swear... so when the weather guy said there would be a sunny day today, I didn't hesitate, I knew exactly how we should spend it. A day at the beach... Ahhhh, yes. A day to play, relax, and take Lola for her first outing to the beach! Unfortunately, the weather guy was wrong, there was little sun, and yet plenty of the wet stuff. Oh, well. When handed a lemon, what can you do? Squeeze it and make some glorious lemonade! So, that's what we did.

Took the lovely scenic drive to the coast.
Ate fish and chips at our favorite little spot.
Did a bit of shopping and a bit of ice cream eating.
Then, it was time for the beach.
We played.
We laughed.
Lola ran, and ran, and ran.
Matt got to play with his new doggy as he has been dying to since we adopted her at the end of January.
The girls played in the water as if it was the sunniest, warmest, Oregon coast day.
I sat in my chair, bundled in layers, and a wool blanket, and had a ball taking pictures of the whole thing!

Lola traveled like a champ on her first big car ride.
She was in heaven once she was let off her leash to run, chase, and dig.

This guy here... he was happy.
Seeing him happy, makes me happy.
He needed a day to be at peace, be with those he loves the most, and the place he loves the most!

A beach day was the perfect way to kick off their Spring Break. Especially since there really isn't a whole lot that we have planned to do.
I swear give these girls a beach and they could be happy all day long!
Seeing them happy, makes me happy!
They needed a day to play, to be with both of their parents, and have our undivided attention!

I love when I can catch really sweet sisterly moments between these two.
They don't happen all the time, but oh when they do, it makes my heart swell.
Meritt fell hiney first into the water. She was soaked up to her chest. Her sister calmly walked her all the way up the beach to mom and dad to kiss her tears away, and get her to some dry clothes! It was very sweet.

We got dry.
Bundled into the car.
Took the scenic drive back through the mountains, and home.
Ate dinner at one of our favorite spots.
Came home and cuddled and read.
It was a perfect day, with my three perfect loves, and my sweet Lola Bug Girl!

Linking up with Blessed Little Nest for Life Made Lovely Monday's!

love is...

2011-03-18T22:05:00.000-07:00

We have a huge chalk board in our laundry/craft room. I mean really big. It's a whole wall. I spend a lot of time in my laundry room. No matter how hard I try laundry is a never ending job in my house. Just about the time I think I have conquered the piles, they are back again.

Anyway, this last week, I decided I needed a reminder of what love really is. What God's word says love is. I need to strive to love those I love more like God loves me. These last few weeks have been a little tough. Matt has been working six days a week, lots and lots of hours. It's been hard to have our whole family schedule upside down. I don't like feeling upside down. I also don't like having to do all the parenting. However, my sweet husband doesn't want to be working all of these hours, and isn't choosing to not be with us. He's being our provider. I know that I can't be selfish about how 'I' feel about this because it wouldn't be fair. So instead, I am trying to have the very best attitude that I can have, and be as loving to my kids and my husband as I can possibly be, and in return, despite the upside down nature of our lives right now, I am being blessed!

I had to stop myself at one point last Saturday while Matt was working his third straight weekend in a row from having a pity party. Having a pity party would do no good. He isn't having one. He's choosing to have a great attitude despite unfavorable working conditions, so I decided I would too.

Running a business, and being a full time Mama is a lot on one persons plate. There have been many days lately that there have been no fancy meals prepared... however we still sit and eat food, as a family, and say a blessing before we eat our meal. There are days I can't get to everything on my to-do list... but I still am able to always get something accomplished, and that is one less thing on the list for tomorrow. There have been a few days where feeling positive isn't always easy... but it's always worth it because my attitude is directly mirrored by my children's attitudes. As long as I have love, and I am giving love to those that I love, than life is never upside down. The older I get the more I realize that as long as I have the love of Jesus in my heart... my life is always right side up!

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

some of my favorites...

2011-03-16T08:02:00.000-07:00

Over Meritt's Birthday weekend, we had very special company! Matt's family came to stay, including our 15 month old miracle nephews. The girls had so much fun playing with the cousins. So to mark the ocassion, I called my favorite friend photographer Meghann of Your Street Photography... and we did a little family photo shoot! Here are some of my favorites. It's very hard to choose, since Meghann doesn't take a bad photo in the whole bunch!

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
~Erma Bombeck

We could learn a lot from crayons; some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, while others bright, some have weird names, but they all have learned to live together in the same box. ~Robert Fulghum

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

Brothers and sisters are as close as hands and feet. ~Vietnamese Proverb

The family is a haven in a heartless world. ~Attributed to Christopher Lasch

There is a garden in every childhood, an enchanted place where colors are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again. ~Elizabeth Lawrence

There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me. ~Mary Montagu

The greatest poem ever known
Is one all poets have outgrown:
The poetry, innate, untold,
Of being only four years old.
~Christopher Morley, To a Child

love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine - she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. ~Terri Guillemets

inspiring...

2011-03-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

I have two favorite magazines that make me giddy when I get them into my hot little hands. One is my favorite for it's ideas, and style, and decorating glorious-ness (yes, I know that's not a real word!)... and the other is a favorite for how beautifully inspirational it is. I thought I would share my two favorites with you, because as I was thinking of what I could blog about this evening, and my brand new copy of Flea Market Style sits beside me, I thought to myself, doesn't everyone know about this??? Then I thought, oh no, what if they don't. That's when I knew what to blog about! These two magazines are so worth sharing, especially if you don't know about them!

Meet Life Beautiful... she's a lovely magazine about well, life made beautiful.

{Life:Beautiful is a national, inter-denominational, Christian lifestyle magazine that celebrates an active, integrated faith. Built on a foundation of biblical teaching and encouragement for spiritual growth, Life:Beautiful offers relevant information and community for Christian women. The pages of Life:Beautiful showcase everyday experiences and activities, such as parenting, cooking, decorating, teaching, working, volunteering, resting, traveling and offering hospitality—all of which can be used to share the joy of the Lord.} taken from life beautiful website

Meet Flea Market Style, she's a magazine full of my favorite decorating style/ideals decorating with unexpected, vintage, finds found and re-purposed!

"Flea Market Style isn't only about creating a beautiful home. It's also a life attitude that's about looking forward to the day's adventures while honoring the past" Ki Nassauer - executive editor of Flea Market Style

So, if you haven't already met these two, you really need to drive yourself to the nearest local book store and find yourself a copy of each. Then sit in a quiet spot with your favorite drink, flip the pages, (back to front if you're like me) and ENJOY! Soak up all of the wonderful ideas and pictures and feel inspired!

Those are my favorites what are yours? I'd love to know if there is something really amazing out there that I've been missing!

Faith Blogs...

2011-03-11T21:50:00.000-08:00

Tonight I received an email that almost brought tears to my eyes... okay it did bring tears to my eyes. I received an email letting me know that my blog has been chosen to be featured on Faith Blogs! Have you heard about Faith Blogs before??? If not, you must go check it out!!! What a wonderful idea. What a great way to connect people who blog and love the lord! I am BEYOND honored... I am thrilled!

For a long time now, I have felt that God has been asking me to use my blog to share his word and his love. I felt he was asking me to do that here at my own little piece of the Internet.

There have been times throughout my blogging journey that I have thought about giving it up. I have wondered why I keep click... click... clicking the keys of my computer when I'm not always sure anyone is even reading this little ole' blog let alone getting any benefit from it.

But, God was tugging at my heart, and telling me to be quiet and wait. That there is a reason and a purpose for why I have started this blog of mine. I chose to have faith that he of course knows better than I do. So, I have stayed. Still click... click... clicking my keys, not for any other reason than because I feel I have been called to use my words, and my life, for something that will glorify my heavenly father. In doing so, I've prayed that my words would also be of some encouragement, or interest to someone else out there reading my words, and viewing my photos, and hearing my stories.

Getting the email tonight from Katie at Faith Blogs telling me that I was chosen, made me smile from ear to ear, because God is good. He always makes a way. ALWAYS. There are times he asks us to be still, or quiet, or patient, and we don't always know why or where he's going with the request, but he does. That is faith. Having faith that HE is in control. That HE knows better than we do. Stepping out of our comfort zones and listening to where we are being called, because he has a plan far greater than we can ever imagine.

I am excited to see where this journey will take me.
I pray I continue to listen, and step out on faith so that I can accomplish everything he's asking of me in my life.
Thank You Faith Blogs for choosing me!

Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch. ~Ramona C. Carroll

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark. ~Rabindranath Tagore

He who has faith has... an inward reservoir of courage, hope, confidence, calmness, and assuring trust that all will come out well - even though to the world it may appear to come out most badly. ~B.C. Forbes

Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. ~Victor Hugo

Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel. ~Author Unknown

As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. ~Emmanuel

keeping it real...

2011-03-10T21:19:00.000-08:00

{source}

Being a mom is a hard job.
Before I became a mother I always wondered if I would be selfless enough, would I be able to be patient enough, would I have enough love...

There are days I know I should be more selfless.
I absolutely cannot fight or deny the fact that patience isn't my strongest gift.
But, I never ever could have imagined the pure LOVE that I have for my kids.

When they struggle, I struggle.
When they feel sad, I wish I could take that away and make them happy.
I wish I could give my daughters the ability to KNOW how loved they are by me...
If they had that ability they would never be jealous of their sister...
They would never feel like they were somehow not enough...
They would never for a moment question their place in this world, because they would know that wherever they are they are perfect just the way God made them.

Bella has been struggling lately. She's been acting out in ways that are unlike her. She bottles up her emotions and they come out in arguments, and yelling, screaming, gnashing, sniveling, horrible fits.

It breaks my heart, into like a million pieces that I can't seem to do anything to help ease whatever it is that she's feeling.

She's so jealous of her sister, and I'm not sure why...
I can't love Meritt less just to make Bella feel better, not even if I tried.
They are two separate people.
I wish they both knew the depths of my love, but I guess I'll just have to keep loving them each, in their own special way, each day for the rest of their lives and try to show them how much.

I wasn't expecting to be going through some of this stuff quite yet.
I thought the teenage years would bring these things, but not these sweet adolescence days.

I am left tonight feeling like I'm not sure I was enough today.
Yet, I'm not sure I could have given anymore.
Life isn't always perfect.
That's a lesson I want my kids to learn now.
I don't want to build a bubble around them, because... LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS PERFECT.

It's important to learn to be forgiving.
It's important to learn to ask for forgiveness.
It's important to learn how we treat others affects everyone around us.
It's important to learn about grace, like that of the grace that Jesus gives each of us everyday.

I'm learning that teaching life lessons isn't always easy, or perfect, nor does it come with a manual or rules.

Being a mom is HARD.

Good thing it's also wonderful most days.
There would be a whole lot of us giving our two week notices on days like I had today, because I don't think it's really a whole lot like we thought it would be when we signed up for the job.

I guess all that I, or you, or any of us can hope as we lay our heads down on our pillows and wait for a new day, is that we too will be forgiven, we will learn to ask for forgiveness, and that the Grace of the lord will renew us for the next day ahead.

This Mama is calling it a day!
Good-night all.

Hey, Hey...

2011-03-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

First, I have to share the back story on this... This past summer we went to something called the Willamette Celebration. It's a Christian event bringing together every church around the Willamette Valley for about a 100 mile+ radius. They had varied different events throughout the weekend. One evening we went to one of the many outdoor concerts they had. One of the bands was Superchick. The music came across the land and Meritt went nuts. She was dancing like she was born to be a rocker girl all of her life! A week or so later, both girls were still talking about 'Superchick' - especially Meritt, so we went down to our local Bible bookstore and brought a Superchick CD. The rest of the summer, that CD blasted away in our car, as the girls sung at the top of their lungs in the backseat, and Meritt waved her arms in the air, and danced around like the music was part of who she is.

There is one song in particular that she loves the 'most'! HEY, HEY.
She could listen to it over, and over, and over, and over....... and over. (you get it!) After months of listening, this mama grew a little rattled and weary over listening to the sounds of Superchick, so the above mentioned CD may have gone missing for a bit. Well, the other night the beloved Superchick CD was found and all was happy in our land. Especially when HEY, HEY, came across the speakers. UPPER MAMA, UPPER, that's Meritt's way of asking that the music be so loud that everyone within a 5 mile radius can hear it! So, I did what any good, reasonable mother would do, we opened the sunroof all the way in 40 degree weather at 7 o'clock at night cranked the stereo upper almost as loud as it goes, and rocked out to HEY, HEY.

Listen to the words, read the words... I don't think there could be a better song in all the world to sum up my Meritt. That night as we were driving, I listened more intently on the words of my little girls favorite song more intently than I ever had before, and as I heard her little voice from the back seat sing out, 'be legendary, be you...' I believed with all of my heart, that God is going to do some legendary things with her, because of how 'her' she is through and through!

<

I'm linking up with Heather at Blessed Little Nest today on her life made lovely Mondays! Go check her blog out it's oh so cute! Love it...

look for the rainbow!

2011-03-04T12:31:00.001-08:00

source

It has been rainy, cold, snowing, drizzling, windy, or yucky here for a L O N G time. I am pretty over this weather. It's March. I'm ready for some sunshine. Some warmth. I would like to get out in my garden and dig in the dirt. My kids are more than ready to play outside for longer than 10 minutes, and even the animals are getting a bit stir crazy.

According to the weather man, I don't think my wish is coming true any time soon, so I'm needing to see the bright side of things instead. I'm thinking some hot tea, a cozy blanket, a cat nap, and some cuddles with my oh so lovey lovey doggy Lola. So, maybe rainy days aren't all bad. I love that they give you an excuse to throw on Uggs, turn up the heat, cozy in the house, and NEST! I have a few hours to enjoy all of that, and then I will have 4 girls inside my house for a play date! Maybe we'll make rainbows??? What do you think? That might make us feel a little sunnier on a cool, rainy, March day!

Happy Friday, I hope you too look for the rainbows in life and forget about the rain!

party favorites...

2011-03-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

the party girl...

2011-03-01T17:39:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Meritt's fourth Birthday in true pony girl style at the Carousel. What a blast she had partying on the ponies! The other kids had fun too ;)

look who's four...

2011-02-28T20:54:00.000-08:00

My baby girl turned four years old on Saturday...
Happy, and glad for the gift I have been given being this sweet girls mama.
She has brought more joy to my life in the last four years than I ever even knew was possible.
I have LOTS more pictures to share of her party... so when I get them edited you will be seeing many more!

the finished project!!!

2011-02-20T20:24:00.000-08:00

We worked like busy bees this weekend, and it's done!
Yay.
Now we just wait for the two pictures I ordered from etsy yesterday, and hang them up and we'll be all done!

The all white that I have never done before, worked really well. I actually feel like the room is more interesting, and more fun now, and it's a lot less color!
I added color with little details and touches that make the room feel fun and playful - since it's a room designed for my kids. I want it to be a place where they can feel happy every day!

The girls both love their new bathroom, and I am hoping that it will keep them out of mine! ;) We'll see about that one, won't we!

It's definitely cleaner, more organized, and ready for them to do all the things they need to!

I love being able to check one more thing off my to-do list!

What do you think?
Do you like how it turned out?
Having this happy bathroom finished for my girls has certainly made my life more lovely!

*linking up with Life Made Lovely Mondays at Blessed Little Nest*

every word matters...

2011-02-19T21:29:00.000-08:00

Just ordered these two lovelies for our upstairs bathroom.
In our home, the upstairs bathroom is our girls bathroom.
I have loved this artists work for a long time, but hadn't had a good place, reason, or excuse to buy any...

...but, now that we're re-doing the girls bathroom, I thought that these two items would not only make a great decorative touch, but an awesome reminder, and blessing to the two sister's sharing the space!

I can hardly wait for these to come!
I am sooooo excited to see them in person.

The artist is: shelli dorfe - check her out! her etsy shop is called studio mela, it's truly LOVELY!

a happy bathroom project...

2011-02-19T17:45:00.000-08:00

We are currently working on our upstairs bathroom. Interestingly, it was the very first room in our house we worked on before we moved in six years ago, and here we are again!

Nothing major, just a bit of sprucing up...
it was a bit tired, and many of the things we started six years ago, we never finished.

Luckily for us we had already replaced the sink and toilet a few years earlier. The tub is fabulous and original (although needing some resurfacing). The room had original chair rail but nothing underneath it, so we added bead board to the lower portion. This will also work as the back splash to the tub. I found this really great frame at an estate sale for $7.50, added a coat of cream spray paint a voila, a gorgeous new mirror for above the sink!

Before we started this project the room was painted in two tones of green. I was so tired of it! I was ready for something fresh, and clean feeling (especially since it's the girls bathroom). So, I did something I have NEVER done before, I painted a room white... two tones of white, but still.... White walls, white bead board, white painted fir floors, white fixtures. I love it, it feels like a great, clean canvas to work with.

Matt just finished up the last coats of paint today, (these pictures were taken a few weeks ago when we started the project) so tomorrow, I can get DECORATING! I'm excited... I will be sure to share the finished project with you soon!

Hope you're having a happy weekend too!

miss lola...

2011-02-17T21:49:00.000-08:00

meet 'miss Lola'...
the newest addition to our family.
she is a sweetheart.
She loves to be loved.
she is so thankful to have a family!
our crazy factor has indeed gone up around here, but so has the love!

this is definitely it... NO more kids or animals needed. ;)

encourage...

2011-02-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

I had an interesting conversation with my friend yesterday. She told me something that I have heard over and over in my life, and yet I still don't get it. She said that she had to admit to me that before we really 'knew' each other, she always saw me as perfect, all together, stuck-up, and intimidating.

{She didn't say these things to hurt me. And if you're reading this friend you didn't hurt me... you'll see where I'm going with this soon! promise:)}

She went on to say that she always was intrigued by me, but she never knew what to think of me. Now that she knows me... we kind of had a good laugh over the 'perfect' image she once had. She now knows that I am totally human, totally flawed, totally imperfect. She also said she was so surprised to find out how totally down to earth I am, and how I am not stuck up even in the least when you get to know me. I went on to tell her that the reason people often think I'm stuck up is because I am easily intimidated in social settings. Possibly because people have always gotten the wrong impression of me, even since I was little. I have no idea why I come off that way. I have no idea why I would ever intimidate anyone. The funny thing is I am probably the last person on earth to ever think of myself as any better than ANYONE else, and that's the God's honest truth!

Why is it as girls and women we can become defined by what other's think, and often times, by what we think of ourselves?

As a mama of girls, I worry about such thoughts. I wonder at what age, or at what junction someone said something to us, or about us, and it changed us forever. Will that happen to my girls? Is there a way to protect them from that? Is there a way to teach them that they are wonderful and perfect just the way they are?

Anyone else out there reading this ever think about the same things? I mean did someone tell you when you were little that you were a tom-boy, and you became one? Did someone tell you that you weren't very smart, and began to believe it? Did someone call you chubby, and it turned into a weight issue?

I was reading one of my favorite blogs tonight from the Nato's and she was talking about how we view each other from blog to blog. How we often times see each others lives as more perfect than they actually are. We often times compare ourselves to other women, other mothers, other wives, because we don't know their whole story. We often times, don't think about other women as people who feel and deal with the same things that we do. Why is that? Why don't we unite together and for each other? We isolate ourselves from may people that could potentially be a wonderful friend to us all because we are so intimidated by what we think others are. Why do we always seem to compare ourselves and our lives against others and often times think that we are not enough?

Because we are enough...
No we're not perfect.
No we don't always have it all together.
But inside finding out who we are, we can come to realize something beautiful -- that in our imperfections, God has made us totally perfect in his image. It's time we really start to believe that.

Can you imagine what we could be if we could find ways to encourage each other to believe the best in ourselves? What could happen? What kind of great friendships could we form? What kind of legacy could we pass on to our daughters?

Jami over at the Nato's talked about how often times as we read each other's blogs we lurk in the shadows. We look from the outside in, and never take a moment to encourage the woman that we are reading about. Hmmm, that one hit home. I am so bad about this. I like to read my blogs. I have become attached in a weird way to these women, and families I read about, and yet they don't even know me. Weird?! Yes, maybe. I am going to choose to look at all of these thoughts I'm pondering as a new challenge in my life!!! I am going to try and not compare myself against others. Not to presume or assume, I know someone that I don't. I am going to remind myself that all of us mama's out there are all in the same club. We all have hairy days. We all have our own gifts. One's gift maybe being crafty, the next an amazing multi tasking homeschooling mother, it doesn't diminish me because those aren't my same gifts. What a great opportunity to ENCOURAGE someone else, and let them know how GREAT you think they are.

Fellow bloggers out there reading this, does it not make your day to receive a comment??? I know it does me. I have often wondered why I don't get more comments... I have often times gone right back to that old stand by of thinking that other people don't like me or relate to me... I think it's time to look back inward at myself, and realize it's because I'm not out there reaching out. So, I'm going to try and do better. For those of you out there reading this that aren't bloggers... reading out there in the shadows, if you read something you want to say something about, SAY it... start a conversation, make a new friend, ENCOURAGE someone else, because it just might make their day!

parenting help needed...

2011-02-15T21:30:00.000-08:00

okay, the title of this post may possibly be a bit dramatic I admit... but, I would like to know what you might think about the subject.

The subject is my girl Bella. She has trouble verbalizing her feelings. She had a really hard time with her Gigi's death. The hardest part was that she didn't know how to get her emotions out. So, instead she let her feelings make her sick. I let her stay home from school last Monday-Wednesday. Tuesday was Gigi's funeral, and the other days she was having a hard time. I decided that it was okay to just be at home. She went back to school on Thursday, and was invited to have a sleepover at her best friends house Friday night.

Even though I really wasn't sure she could handle it, I let her go. Thinking that maybe a little carefree kid time, was what her worried little heart needed. She arrived home lunch time on Saturday, and was an absolute BEAST. She was so tired, and crabby, and cranky, that she pushed every single button I had, and made me so frustrated I didn't even know what to do. Frustrated enough that I'm still thinking about it, and it's Tuesday night!

Now there is a good possibility that I didn't have the patience to put up with her acting out because I too had a very hard week last week...

Here is my question. How do you handle your kid acting their feelings out in undesirable ways?

How can the same kid that was described as an 'angel' by her friends mother, come home and jump up and down, sniveling, and screaming, because she's sooooo tired? As a mom where did I mess up? How do I handle this when it happens again. Why does this particular child have such a hard time expressing emotion in the correct way? She is such a GREAT kid. She is smart, and sweet, and everything else nice you can think of, but when her ugly comes out, Oooooo boy does it get UGLEY!!!

There's this part of me that wants to be like a military mom who takes every earthly possession away and never let her sleepover with friends again until she can act appropriate. But, in the end, I am not a military mom... I'm just me. The mom that totally yelled back and lost her cool, and told her that it wasn't okay to act like that, and then an hour later was cuddling and acting like nothing happened at all.

The biggest question on my mind... is there a way to teach my girl how to express, and feel her emotions so they don't bubble and burst out of her in such awful ways, or is this just who she is?

to my valentine...

2011-02-14T15:36:00.000-08:00

I have had the same valentine for the last 15 years...
Wow, I can hardly believe that.

Now you might think that the luster of love might extinguish over that many years...
But, it hasn't.
Sure Valentine's Day has changed a bit since the very first one we shared. The definition of romance has changed for us as we've evolved. Believe it or not, that doesn't mean that we don't have as much romance or as much love as we did in the beginning, when we had butterflies in our stomachs, and cupids dancing above our heads.

When we became parents, we had to redefine what romance was...
We had to find hidden little moments.
Quiet time to share.

Romance today exists more in knowing each other so well...
Not in a negative way, but in a positive way. The way he knows when to give a little extra because I need it, and I can't say it. The way we each know when the other needs a little space, or time to be, and not to push things. The way that he still looks at me, and I still look at him even after all of these years.

Our love has evolved into a family.
That has redefined what romance is...
But, not what love is, it has multiplied that!

There is more love under our roof, that it is pouring out the chimney top, and bursting out of the window panes.

love lives in every single day that we're together...
I don't need Valentine's day to remind me to say I love you, because everyday I share with Matthew, Bella, Meritt, Addiekat, Emma, Buddy, and Lola, are days spent filled to the brim with love.

Some days there's so much love I can hardly handle it. Even in those moments I know that my heart is full for all the love that God has given to me!

To my Valentine:
Even after all these years, I am so glad that you are mine!
XOXO, M

remembering Gigi...

2011-02-09T09:25:00.001-08:00

Love you always...
Miss you forever...
until we meet again in heaven one day.
Thank you for all that you have been in my life!

(turn up your sound on computer to hear the music - view full screen by clicking the box on the bottom right hand corner of video.)

my girl loves to read...

2011-02-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful as a mom that I have raised a kid who loves to read. Since day one, it has been very important to me to instill a love of books, of the written word, of escaping into a page. I am happy to say, I think I've done it. She has exceeded my expectations, or desires. She blows me away. I think the day she was brought home from the hospital one of the first things we did was lay her down in the middle of our bed and read her a story.

At Christmas time in Kindergarten Bella couldn't read a word. By summer she was reading well. By first grade her reading took off. She was placed in the second grade class for reading. By second grade she was placed into a split class so that she could be in the level she needed to be at without having to leave her classroom. I am so thankful that she attends a (public) school that realizes the importance of placing kids where they need to be rather than where they just fit. She has an amazing teacher that encourages the love of books and reading as well. This year, she is reading all kinds of things. More chapter books than I have probably read in my lifetime. She can't get enough....

Her room is filled with books, stacks and stacks of books. Her shelves are PACKED, and organized just how she likes them. Her system (with a little help from me) is this: golden books, vintage books, story books, easy readers, chapter books, reference books, bible books & faith based books, horse books, and art books.

You might be wondering why I'm sharing this, and there are a few reasons. First because I'm really proud of her, and I want her to have proof of my pride written down for her to know and read (today or one day). Secondly, because, I would love to encourage you to read to your kids, to take them to the library, to surround them with books, because even if they don't pick it up right away, with time I can almost guarantee they will! Books are addicting, once you start it's hard to stop. They make your imagination come alive. It's a gift that can last a lifetime! Lastly, I am in no way trying to brag, or make you feel bad if your kiddo isn't a great reader... I promise! Every kid is totally different, trust me I know this first hand. So, I in no way am making any judgements. Just wanting to share my girl. My big, growing fast, seven-and-a-half year old girl... and her favorite thing in life, is her books. Don't get me wrong, she is still a totally regular kid who loves to run and play, draw, create, and be with her animals. But, even when she's doing all of those normal run of the mill things it wouldn't be odd to see her riding around the block with a book in her bike basket, or driving to the grocery store with her nose in a book. Her backpack is filled with books, her bedside is filled with books, her desk is stacked with books. Our house has baskets, and rows of books in nearly every room, and they are always being read. It's great. One thing I have yet to figure out is how she can read 7 or more chapter books at once and keep them all straight... I couldn't do it.

Bella, if you read this, which I know you like to do... know that I am VERY proud of the young lady that you're becoming. You are kind, and smart, and funny, and sweet, and I am so glad that your my kid!

there's a good chance we're crazy!...

2011-01-31T12:51:00.001-08:00

(not the actual photo * web image)

As if there was any question about whether we're totally crazy or not...
I'm pretty sure we are!
Last week, Matt took Emma to the vet, and when he came home he was very quiet. I asked him what was the matter, and he told me about a little boston terrier girl they had that needed a home to adopt her. I'm pretty sure the look I gave was worth a thousand words, but I just responded by saying... tell me more.

He said, oh honey she's so cute.
Oh, man...
I'm not good at saying no.
Especially to needy animals, or my husband, when he gets real giddy and excited about something.

So, two days later we went to meet her.
She's very sweet. She was owned by a man in his 70's or 80's that had dementia, and can no longer take care of her. Want to hear something sad? She is a year and a half old and she has never been named, she's never been out of the house, and she has never until last week even been in a car.

The vet wanted to keep her for a few days to watch her, and get her used to a new environment. They also had another person interested in adopting her.

From the sounds of the other person looking to adopt her, we were thinking that maybe their home would make a better fit, so we kind of dropped the whole idea. Although, I have to admit I thought about her little face all weekend, and was wondering how she was doing.

Today we got a call saying that she has been doing great since they have had her, and they think she's ready to go to a new home. We also found out that the other person interested, bailed.

So, I did what any big hearted, animal loving person would do...
I told Matt we could TRY her. See how she likes us, and see how we like her, and we'd go from there... As soon as my girls fall for her, it's gonna be all over! I'm going to be a mother of two girls, two cats, a pug, and a little nameless boston terrier. Just what we needed, more to feed, and more to love! :)

I'll share more soon!

happy treasures...

2011-01-30T20:02:00.000-08:00

So my dad was giving me a hard time tonight that my blog has been quite depressing to read lately... Which I couldn't even argue, because it has. Hopefully I haven't lost all my readers out there in this season of sadness in my life. Dad's critique got me thinking about what I have to share with you that is happy. I automatically thought of my favorite past time... thrifting. I love old junk! I love making it into something new, or re purposing it, or just giving it a new loving home.

When I was in high school I LOVED to thrift. I mean I did it ALL the time, most of my wardrobe came from thrift shops... and then I met Matt. He hated thrift stores. He found the whole idea of someone elses stuff totally disgusting. Slowing over time, I got him to appreciate antiquing (which lets face it is fancy thrifting), then I got him to garage sale/estate sale with me, and lately well he'll thrift if he has to, but it's my thing! My new found hobby, treasure hunting. It's fun to me. I love seeing what I can find and how cheap I can get it. I go through antique stores now and about choke at how much more things go for there.

Above pictured thrift or garage sale finds...
picnic basket - $4.99 (perfect for storing craft items and fabric)
old school desk - FREE! + a can of spray paint
pottery bowl with aqua interior - .50
raggedy Anne doll - .50 * vintage quilt $24
vintage canister with red handle - $10
yellow tea pot - .25
vintage books - .50 each at my fav thrift shop Vinnie's WE HAVE COLLECTED A LOT OF BOOKS!!!
old mixer $5 - vintage yellow measuring cups $3 set
Vintage 1950's Westinghouse double oven stove - TO DIE FOR! $250 (it totally cooks with love!)
Fairly large collection of glass canisters for pantry items, and crafting goods - .50-$3
Sweet little child's tin - .75

I could walk you around my entire house to tell you all of the stories about where most everything has come from and how inexpensively they have been purchased, but for now, I will leave you with these happy little thrifted finds! Do you like to thrift??? Where do you go? What's the best thing you've ever found? Does it make you happy? Do your children call it treasure hunting like mine do? Is it strange that my dream vacation would be going to the Midwest and doing nothing but to thrift, antique, and estate sale? I am pretty weird huh?!

nothing much...

2011-01-26T20:08:00.000-08:00

So, if I'm honest, there is really nothing much for me to talk about. My life has pretty much been put on a permanent hold since hearing my grandmother's hospice nurse tell me one week ago, that we are looking at days to weeks left in her life, nothing more.

She has maybe eaten 1 cup of ice cream in 8 days. She has maybe had two glasses of water administered to her threw a dropper into her mouth in 8 days. Each day she gets a little weaker, and a little less.... anxious.

We are playing a waiting game. We are playing a one day at a time, moment to moment, take it as it comes kind of game. If I'm being really honest, it's really hard. Sometimes it's exhausting. She is 89, and has no real mental capacity left, and her body is failing. At this point, after saying all the things we could have possibly have wanted to say, we pray she now goes to see Jesus in peace.

Mom and I cancelled our business trip we were to be on this week, and are now wondering how and when we will play catch up.... since life has stalled, and slowed to a creeping speed, yet the world all around us still spins and goes on by as if nothing is happening at all.

I am sorry there have been no new pictures to share.
I am sorry there have been no funny or witty stories to tell.
Life as I know it has stopped.
I am surviving...
I am surrounding myself with my family, and the comforts of home.
I am allowing myself to be sad when I need to be, and being strong when I'm needed to .
I am taking care of my girls, and my mama, and my Grammy, and thankfully Matt is taking care of me.
Life isn't easy.
Hard things happen.
If we're lucky enough we have people who are by our sides to help us through the hard stuff, so that in the end we can see the beauty.

As far as Gram goes, she has lived a full life. She has been and will always be my hero. She had strength, and courage, and a spirit that was full of life. She loves the lord with all of her heart. So, although we will be sad for our loss when we lose her, we celebrate for her that she will be spending eternity with Jesus, her Mama and Daddy, husband, and many many other loved ones that wait for her there!

In the meantime, we wait.
We sit by her bedside.
We pray.
We cry.
We remember her life, and our memories with her.
...and pretty soon, we will join the rest of the world who keeps on going.

my grace is sufficient...

2011-01-21T16:12:00.001-08:00

the hardest visit yet...

2011-01-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

Since, for some reason typing has become somehow therapeutic to me. I am going to use this blog once again, as a place to share something very personal. I have no idea why it is helpful to me somehow to see my thoughts typed out in words. But, somehow it is. So, here it goes...

I have always known that losing my grandma would be one of the hardest things I would ever have to do. Growing up somehow, I had convinced myself she would be around forever. When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease, I remember wishing that I would have spent more time with her, before the disease stole her from us. I had wished that I would have been less interested in teenage things, and more content spending time with her, as I had been when I was little, and life seemed simpler. I remember in that moment, of reflection, that I would use the rest of my time I had with her more wisely. I had no idea how difficult it would be to watch her slip away into her disease, and watch her personality alter. As difficult as that was, I still never let myself think about what it would be like to lose her totally.

I guess it was somehow naive of me to not prepare myself. Or human nature. Which ever way you slice it, the time is nearing, and I am not sure I know how to say goodbye.

I am not as tearful as I thought I would be...

Seeing her slipping in and out of consciousness today, made me aware that the time I have left with her is lessening everyday. My mind now wanders on all of the thoughts of does she know that I love her? I mean does she KNOW? Did I ever adequately thank her for all that she has been to me in my life? How does she remember me? Does she remember the selfish teenager I was when she was still her? Or does she remember the little girl that loved to play with her, and be in her presence? Or does she know me, on some level still, and know when she looks into my eyes that she is loved. Do words count now? Or are actions all that remain?

Peace is felt inside, when I know that she and I will meet again one day, and even if I can't tell her all the things I'd like to now, that maybe then I will get my chance. Death is such a hard thing... letting go is harder yet.

My prayer is that God will take her home in peace, without much pain or sorrow. I pray that she doesn't remember me as a selfish teenager, that didn't thank her, and lost my patience with her all the time. I pray that she does still know me somehow, when she looks into my eyes. I pray that in seeing those eyes looking at her, that she knows she's loved, even if I never say it again.

Before I left her bedside today, I kissed her cheek, and told her that I loved her, and she whispered back she loved me too...

Please keep her in your prayers. Pray she will not feel any pain when Jesus takes her home... Until that day, pray that I begin to prepare my heart to say goodbye, to one of the dearest people I have ever known. It may be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

unlikely friends...

2011-01-16T22:06:00.001-08:00

My kids are head over heals for the hilarious little friends Tom and Jerry... and I have to admit, I like watching Tom and Jerry too! Who knew that old time cartoons, with no words could be so entertaining for hours on end?!
(yes, I said hours on end... sorry folks, that's right, I've been letting them watch a lot of re-runs of Tom and Jerry, because it has been raining like a freakin flood is coming for days now, and this Mama is running out of good winter/indoor activities to keep her little ones busy with!!! * this may or may not enter me in the mother of the year poll!...)

I love that Tom and Jerry give Meritt and Bella something to agree on. Things that they both agree on are rare, so when they are cuddled up watching their favorite little furry Friends, giggling, and belly laughing, I can't help but feel HAPPY! It's their new favorite thing, to cuddle in my bed and watch all of the episodes I've recorded for them.

Today while searching for treasures at an Estate Sale, I found a vintage Tom and Jerry birthday book - I am so excited to surprise Meritt with it on her birthday!!! I also found two copies of vintage Tom and Jerry Golden Books at one of my fav thrift stores! I have a new thing to keep an eye out for when I'm hunting my treasures at antique stores, thrift shops, and estate/garage sales. Fun. Can't wait to see what I can find!

every little thing is gonna be ALRIGHT!

2011-01-12T20:35:00.000-08:00

(I love this... find it here!)

Thankfully, I am feeling human again after my surgery, Christmas, Grandma crisis's, etc.! Thank you for putting up with not the happiest of posts the last few... (well, let's leave it there.)

I feel like I'm seeing a big rainbow ahead, after a terrible storm. I still haven't gotten to the gold at the end of the rainbow, or the sunshine filled day that follows the storm... but I can see the promise ahead of me!

Feeling MUCH better, and after MANY days cooped up inside a house (it really hasn't been so bad!) I stole my mama and my girls for the afternoon and we did what any red blooded American girl would do after she's been cooped up for too long. We went shopping!

Just what the doctor ordered!
Fun.!

I Got this cute purse for my upcoming business trip...

because my belly is still too big, and too swollen to fit into clothing that doesn't have some stretch and some elastic (or at the very least a draw string!)...
and I even splurged for the matching wallet.

The girls talked their grandma into a couple of fun new outfits on clearance at Gymboree... and I found Meritt an outfit for her Birthday party next month.

...and while we were at it, we got Meritt's Birthday all planned and ready to go... the easiest party I will have ever thrown, by the way. More on that coming up, but I don't want to spoil it's wonder and brilliance too early! :)

Anyway, just wanted to check in, and say a heart felt thanks for the encouragement and love that I received here lately! I am glad to say I am feeling my zip, zam, zoom, starting to resurface! Hallelujah! A girl must always be able to feel her own sass!

the rest of the story...

2011-01-07T16:57:00.000-08:00

So yesterday, I started to share with you my story, about what has been happening with my health. Today, I'm going to share the rest of the story!...

I think it's called dealing with life.
I think.
Yes, I'm pretty sure when challenges arise, we can either deal with them then and there, or sweep them neatly under the rug until another day. But, eventually we have to deal with them!

For me, I'm not sure if these other things that have been happening in life have been hidden under the rug for long or not, but they both definitely have made me (us) deal with them - right now!

One of these things that has had to be delt with is Meritt Rose, and her speech problems. I guess I have known on some level for quite a while that she was getting her sounds, and words later than I thought she should. (but as a mom I try really hard not to compare my kids) Bella, was quiet, but always verbal. Meritt was a very loud baby, but not very vocal. In fact by age two, she barely said anything at all. Still, I didn't get too upset about it, because I assumed that it would sort of correct its self like many childhood issues do. But, by this year (her first preschool year) when she wasn't being understood by other teachers, kids, or parents, I felt like it would be a great idea to use a resource available to us at her school, and have a free speech evaluation. I'm not sure that I thought about what that evaluation meant much further out than the actual evaluation... But, by the end of the screening, I have been forced to face that 'challenge under the rug' that had been hiding. Meritt is in need of some private speech therapy. We are now in the process of learning more about this, and also finding some programs available through our county that may assist us as well.

Meritt was born four weeks early, due to a terrible case of bronchitis and flu that I had at 36 weeks prego. I felt as if I coughed her out. (but, I didn't ;) ) She weighed 7lbs 2oz and besides being very jondiced, and not having her sucking reflux yet, she was a thriving new born, baby, and even toddler. I had never thought that her prematurity would hand us problems later down the road. You always hear about premature babies at birth, but rarely about kids who have disabilities because of their prematurity. The professionals I have talked with say, it is very likely this is at least part of why she is having difficulty. I am just hoping that with help now, at almost four, we can correct any problems she may have, so she doesn't experience them once she is school aged.

I see 2011... as a great year for Meritt to thrive in. I am thankful, and hopeful that by getting her the help, and therapy she needs, that she will be able to develop her social skills, as well as her communication skills, and frustration about her speech.

As a mama it is hard to watch your little one struggle, or act out, because they can't tell you what they are trying to express. It breaks my heart that she says her teachers are her best friends at school. (not because they aren't lovely, but because they aren't kids!) I desperately want her to develop relationships with other kids, I want her to fit in, and be happy, I want her to be able to play, and enjoy this sweet little age that she's at. It is my prayer and my hope that this new year will bring her only positive growth and change!

The next thing that has been hard this year, has been watching my grandma take a downward spiral with her health. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1999, but has ALWAYS been healthy as a horse otherwise! Six months ago, she could sit cross legged in the floor playing with her great-grand girls, and today, it takes two people to carefully move her aging, frail body, into another room. I have talked a bunch here about my Grandma, and how much she means to me, so I'm sure I don't have to go over that in detail. Needless to say, it is harder than I ever imagined to watch her now in her final time in life. I feel amazingly blessed to have been able to help with her these last few months. I feel in a way that I have gotten my Gran back. I love that when i rub her back, she loves it too. I love that she tells me she loves when I visit, and she appreciates me spending time with her. I'm glad that Meritt and Bella are having a chance to spend a lot of time gr owning and forming some priceless memories of their Gigi!

As beautiful as it is to be fortunate enough to spend this time, it breaks my heart in a million pieces to see the pain she has in her eyes. Her body is finally at 89 doing what her mind did years earlier... it's dying.

I know she's headed to heaven, and that means peace and triumph for her. However, what am I going to do when that day comes? When I must say goodbye. How will I ever live without her?

She is all of my best childhood memories.
She has been my safe place.
She has taught me obedience, and what a godly woman looks like.

I pray that God will use me in this new year to be there for my Gran. To give her love, and time, and attention, and all of the things that I would want if I was heading to heaven soon. I want her to KNOW that I love her, even if she isn't always sure who I am. (because of her disease) I pray that I will grow up to be half the beautiful God fearing woman that she has lived to be. I pray I make her proud when she looks down on me one day from heaven's pearly gates, and knows Exactly who I am!

There have been a bunch of challenges in my path in 2010. I'm sure there will be more in 2011, but, I can only hope that while dealing with these challenges, I will grow, and change, and flourish into the woman God desires me to be!

moving into a new year...

2011-01-06T18:58:00.000-08:00

I was at one of my favorite blogs the Reed life, and Shauna had an inspiring idea that we could bless each other by 'giving' of our own stories... I think we can really be helped by listening to other peoples stories. It's important not to feel alone in our struggles. We all have them. They vary from person to person - family to family. But, we all have them! Joining together, being this support team for each other, is awesome! I feel so blessed by getting to read, and getting to know other Christian women out here in the blogosphere. These women totally inspire me!

I haven't posted for a while, because well frankly, there has just been so much ugly going on in my life I just haven't wanted to even bring it here... to my place where i try and celebrate the beauty of my life. (I truly do have so much beauty in my life!) As beautiful as life is, the ugly parts of life have a way of creeping up on you. 2010, was a great year, and a very challenging year. As I enter into this brand new 2011 year, I am hoping that some of the hard things I've been going through will be over soon.

Where do I start to explain what I'm talking about...
Let's start here: Do you remember when I poured out my heart here to share with you that I have been living with fibromyalgia since I was 15 years old? I think I shared that I really wanted badly to get off of my medications. Sadly, that wasn't a good reality for me. After talking with my doctor, and even a fibromyalgia specialist, I was told to be grateful for having found a drug to help my pain, and to stop resisting it. I was told that my fibromyalgia will never go away, and the best that I can hope for as I grow older each year, is to not become disabled.

That was alot for me to swallow, but somehow through the support of my family and friends, and mostly my God, I came to feel some peace over the whole thing.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the ending to my medical woes. I was also dealing with terrible lower abdomen pain as well as very frequent urination (like 30+ times a day). After Matt and my anniversary trip I could no longer ignore my pain, as my bladder was now spasming. So, I went to my doctor where he treated me for a simple bladder (the third that year) infection, and sent me on my way. He told me to come back to see him if after my two weeks of heavy antibiotics didn't stop my symptoms. I'm sure by now, you see where this is heading... no the antibiotics didn't work, and he wasn't sure what else to do, so, he sent me on to my OBGYN. First she checked my IUD, it was fine. Next, I had ultrasounds of my pelvic region, where they found a cyst (nothing too big to worry over). Finally, I was tested in her office for something that before this whole experience I had never even heard of... Interstitial Cystitis. My doctor found through that testing, that I did in fact have IC, and that it was now up to me to make a decision.... My decision along with hers was pretty aggressive, in hopes to get on top of this insane pain I've been experiencing. I had surgery this Tuesday, as well as some laproscopy (to check for more cysts, and condition of the bladder).

The most frustrating thing about this IC, is that it almost perfectly mirrors fibromyalgia. In fact people that have fibro are much more likely to develop IC. It is thought to be an autoimmune disorder, where your brain is sending pain signals to parts of your body they shouldn't. Over time, these pain signals get worse, and worse, and worse. The surgery I had is only a temporary fix, she said it can only last about 6 months... the medication for this IC, takes 6-12 months to take affect, so I am praying the combination of the two will bring relief to my tired body.

I feel so absolutely defeated inside, living with these diseases. I feel like people around me think I'm some kind of hypochondriac, but I'm not. I would give any earthy possession I could to be me...... to just feel like me! To not have pain so severe it changes my spirit. I would, I really would! In fact, I will be damned to let these things defeat me. I may feel sad sometimes about it, even frustrated, and mad, but, I will find a way to live a joyful life in spite of these challenges I face!

I am trying to stay positive, and realize that it could be worse. I try to acknowledge and give thanks for the blessings that pour out upon me, but there are days, and weeks (sometimes) where it all makes me feel so sad. But, I am realizing that that's okay. Feeling things all the way can be healing. Not hiding them, but releasing them out, so they don't fester inside!

I don't want to live my life with the restrictions I have to, but that's my reality!
I don't want to take medicine everyday for the rest of my life, but I have to!
I don't like that i have more of these kind of posts to share with you, than the happy ones...

But here's the deal...
(I told this to Matt on Tuesday right before I went into the operating room, when he asked if I was nervous...)

I said simply this:
I'm not afraid, cause I know who's got my back.
God is my Homey!
He's my friend.

...and that's the truth friends, and with that in our hearts we can get through anything!

There is a reason for this suffering.
There is a purpose.
There is a lesson, and a humility being given to me, a gift even, I just can't see them yet.

Maybe in being transparent, and open about these afflictions that I'm going through, I too can 'GIVE' to someone else. Maybe there is someone else out there feeling defeated. Here's my advise; it's okay to be sad, it's okay to get mad, it's even okay to let it all out and have a good cry, but always remember to go to God in prayer with it. He is the only way, the only truth, and the only light, in these dark times! For if we don't praise him in our bleak, hard times, how will he ever bless us in our good times?

Thanks for letting me share this journey!
Please keep me in your prayers...
even more please keep my family in your prayers, I think it's even harder on them!

To be honest, that is only part of why 2010 has been hard... but for now, let's leave it there, shall we??? Maybe the rest will be better to share another day! Thanks for letting me talk blog peeps!

2011

2011-01-01T08:21:00.001-08:00

There is something exciting about a new year...
Fresh possibilities, a new page to write out new dreams on...
Hoping 2011 is full of happiness!

We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day. ~Edith Lovejoy Pierce

filled with Gratitude...

2010-12-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

wishing you peace and love at Christmas!

2010-12-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

sigh of relief...

2010-12-21T20:13:00.000-08:00

Last week about this time, I had heard all of the stressful and distressful news that I could take. I felt like there was way too much on my plate, and I was starting to feel like I couldn't breathe. I felt as if I was in a thrashing ocean, just trying to keep my head above the waves long enough to get some air.

In the last few days I've felt this wave of breath come back into me... and I know exactly where it's coming from. It's Jesus.

He's been softly nudging me, comforting me, to relax and trust, to listen, and be quiet. To know that he is always there. That he will truly never give me more than he knows I'm capable of handling. Even if and when I'm not sure that I can handle what he has given me.

I am here to tell you. If you are struggling, feeling alone, or overwhelmed, lost, or afraid of what's to come... that he is ALWAYS there. For me, and for you. Put your hand in his, and follow close to his side, and you will be just fine! Thankfully, so will I!

pugs & chocolate kisses...

2010-12-21T08:54:00.000-08:00

Happiness in our house, is today...
A Tuesday when everybody is at home, no work, no school.
Little girls that are getting along, and being sweet as chocolate kisses to one another.
A few days until Christmas, and all the must do's are done! So, now it's time to enjoy... each other, and all the magic and happiness that this time of year can bring!

Happy Tuesday everyone!
Hope your day is full of lots of pugs and chocolate kisses!

she's got style, galore!

2010-12-16T21:57:00.000-08:00

I love that Matt thinks to capture the everyday cute, funny, silly, memorable things that the girls do! These pictures are straight out of Matt's phone, and they plain old make me smile! How about you?

Almost every day Meritt graces us with one of her fashion ensembles...
She is always so proud of herself.
I love how she is able to show her big old personality, just by showing her style!
There is not one single thing about this girl that is boring. She is oozing personality. Her goofy ways make you totally fall in love with her.

This is some creativity isn't it???!!!

keep her little...

2010-12-16T13:29:00.000-08:00

As a mother there are times when all we want to do is protect our kids... Keep them little, innocent, sweet, unchanged. Keep them from getting hurt, or "labeled". And as a mother when you feel like there is a possibility of something causing them harm it is hard to know exactly what to do.

I've mentioned here before that we are needing to put Meritt into some special therapy for some speech delays she is having. We are in the process of going through the screenings and evaluations needed to place her in the correct therapy that she will need. Yesterday as we were being evaluated... (not the most comfortable thing to be evaluated) the dreaded question came about whether or not she sucks her thumb or has a binky. I fessed up. I told her that she has been a binky baby turned binky kid, and that we are working on getting rid of it all together, but she still has it when she's sleeping. So, I got to hear what I already knew... which is how BAD and TERRIBLE it is to let a child keep his or her binky longer than 12 months, and how hurtful that can be to his or her speech development. I get it... I really do. The next part she said is were she lost me... she told me that if she has anything (aka -a blanket or toy) that she associates with the binky that it also needs to go at the same time. So, I am supposed to take her binky and her softie, her security objects. Gulp.

As I sat in that seat, I got hot, and also felt tears well up. She could see my discomfort. She says to me, 'this whole process is a whole lot harder on parents than kids'. But, what I wanted to say was... but, you don't even know MY kid, how do you know if this isn't going to be hard on her? What I said instead was, that nothing is easy with Meritt. (and it isn't) (not an excuse, but just a simple truth) I told her that since working on the changes with no night time diapers, and no crib, she isn't sleeping. Not only isn't she sleeping, but she isn't staying in her bed. One night she managed to stay awake until 4am. The next night, she went to sleep OK, but was up at 2am. Every night (almost) has been a different version of this. How do I also take her security items away, when she obviously is having issues that we can't seem to fix? (but, are working towards) Well, I was told that she wasn't aware that Meritt had 'so many issues' besides just speech, and that she thought it would be best to schedule another time when we could speak privately about what needs to be done about all of Meritt's 'issues'. Ouch.

I don't want it to sound like this woman isn't nice. Because she is. Really nice, and great at what she does, but she doesn't know my kid (yet). It's hard to hear things sometimes when there really isn't any easy answers. It's always so much easier to look at someone elses problems or life from the outside, and think the solution to their problem(s) is easy if only they would just do it... I don't like the label that is being put on my girl right now. I feel like her 'issues' or 'problems' are going to overshadow her amazing gifts. That she is going to get lost in the shuffle of being 'fixed' and get hurt in the process.

I don't think words can even express how much I want Meritt to get all of the help and therapy she needs to be a success in all that lies ahead of her. But, she's only 3 and a half years old. Sometimes little kids have adjustment problems. Sometimes kids just need a safe and loving place to grow their roots, so they can find their wings.

Now, I am just rambling, and I've probably lost half of you out there reading this a long time ago, but here I am, a mama whose heart is breaking for her girl. I am hoping and praying that I will have the strength to listen to MY instincts, and the faith to keep it in GODS strong, capable hands, in hopes that my little girl will never lose her sparkly eyes, hopeful spirit, and joyful soul!

Please keep us in your prayers right now, we need it!